July 31, 2003
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE.....
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 mins.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs.
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual Harassment.
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute.
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
DOCTORS EXAMINATION
Two gentlemen were asked to remove their clothes in a doctor's examination room. They wore examination robes like the ones in hospital. Presently, a comely lady nurse walks in and puts her hand underneath the first gentleman's robes and began to masturbate him. He protested but the nurse said,"this procedure is essential to remove all semen in order that further examinations can be made by the scanner on the condition of your prostrate." The gentleman relented and decided to lay back and enjoy the nurse's hand. Soon she completed her mission and he was as pleased as a chimp.
Then she turned to the next gentleman and removed his robes and went down on her knees and performed fellatio on him.
The first gentleman objected, "How come he gets a blowjob and me only a hand job? This is most unfair."
The nurse replied "Sir, you are here under the Government Health Scheme, this gentleman has Private Medical Insurance"
SHOULD KIDS WITNESS A BIRTH?
It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child was home alone with her 3-year old daughter Katelyn.
When Heidi started going into labor, she called "911." Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. "Smack him again!"