Venue : Kajang Shooting Range
Hare : Amy Tiong
Co-Hare : Uncle Looi
Scribe : Yves Boudart
Now I can say that I hate shooting ranges: the bang of a gun, contrarily to the public idea on the subject, doesn’t sound like the male THX noise in the Schwartzeneger movies, but actually reminds me of the squeaky voice of Barbara Streisand today (not in her golden years…) when she has a stuffy nose. That was the only negative thing I had to say about this run!
The run site indications first: 3 lines may seem short, but actually, following these reminded me of my driving test. When the instructor says nothing, go straight!
The way to the run site: the location of this concrete tunnel in the middle of nowhere was so absurd that I was a little disappointed not to see an hippopotamus in a tutu dancing ballet at the end of it…
The run started a few minutes past 4.30, Nan, probably hoping to see Uncle Looi appear despite his firm position on the subject (no more polemics in this report, I promise), lectured us on the “no litter” aspect of the Hash. The herd started at a gentle pace along the dusty road that passed along a fishing pond, then along a nice sungei on a tree covered earth road until we reached a small kampong (very very very Ulu, lah!), where the only inhabitants at that time of the day seemed to be a few stray dogs and old cocks (no, John Duncan and Uncle Looi were not there).
Right after this settlement, came the first check: one way, 3 possibilities! The one up river was to be followed. The herd thus entered into a gentle jungle trail following a sinewy sungei, under brightly lit foliages. The papers then resolutely entered into the river in what I can only describe as a reproduction of the Idea of the Perfect Jungle. The kind only properly rendered in the Tarzan Movies featuring Johnny Weissmuler: mossy green boulders, wide banana leafs, sunshine playing in the trees, thornless vegetation (in order not to damage the bare feet of the American Athlete), leechlacking stream,… Only the gigantic plastic water lilies were missing! This paradise eventually sublimated into a pond and a waterfall… An excellent preparation for the hell that was laying ahead.
Indeed, the trail ended and we started to pant on an interestingly steep hill. Fortunately, there was the second check at mid slope. As a testosterone boosted Rambo pointed out: the only way was up, and the climbing resumed for another eternity. Dan Parcival, resting on a flat stone at the top of the hill, noticing that I was all blue in the face said that this hill was a well diserved payback for my sins of last week… I also need to mention that during this portion of the run, there was no need to stay on paper! Staying on the thorns, needles and other nasty spikes was amply sufficient, and if against all odds you managed to get lost, you could easily find your way back following the screams! I am still waiting for the benefits of this free acupuncture session, and I am also still removing shards in the oddest parts of my anatomy.
We then arrived at what looked like a mischievous circular check. I was definitely not in the front of the pack, as some runners had already been around this loop 3 times… Someone then found a trail that, like perfect “Panurge Lambs”, we all followed: a nice falsee! We eventually resumed the trail uphill: this one was a piece of cake compared to the previous one, which gave me the opportunity to regain strength for a jolly gallop downhill in the rubber tree plantation that we then crossed. The gallop halted abruptly on the last check (only 4??? Did I miss one???). Apparently, after this gallop, I was again in the front, so I decided to take my chance and went checking on the right, gaining in confidence as I was quickly being followed by Alex and Abraham… I realized that I was far from being as fit as our legendary FROPs when after a good 500m in that direction, I decided to fall back, to realize that the check had been broken in the opposite direction, and that all the Chinese grannies (sorry gals…) were again in front of me.
The trail then went in an open terrain with a decidedly very scenic view that eventually ended up on the building site where we had previously met with the incongruity of this cement tunnel.
The run ended, after a gentle downhill logging road through the forest surrounding the run site, on the dusty road back to the cars… 73 minutes on my watch!
And what a good surprise to receive hampers besides Ramlee’s fierce Tigerish mount! I even tried to bribe Amy to get more, but she sticked to her principles and refused to get down to these kind of practices! To tell you the truth, I did not need to be bribed as the run was a very good one: diversified, not too tough for Petaling (…), new run site (for me!), scenic and with a good workout.
The circle had, again, the lost souls presented to the assembly: these martyrs seem to be bound to a down-down per week until the end of time. Fortunately for us, Colin King did not show up, or else we wouldn’t have had enough ice to freshen our beer (prosecuting his butt seems to be the second very recurrent theme of this year’s circles).
I did not stay for the on-on, so I cannot comment on the quality of food (probably flawless, I trust Uncle Looi on this matter), and thus did not get to know the “rating” of this run. But I am confident that the committee has abided to its just principles of run evaluation.
On On Amy!”