Hare: Maya Hercus
Co-Hare: Colin Hercus
Runsite: Semenyih
Scribe: Sassy Saru
Maya Hercus, eh. Semenyih, hmmmm. We know that Maya is a hard-working Hare that will do the necessary recees but her choice of Co-Hare???? Well we all know what a lazy bugger he is. Semenyih as a runsite? Well we know good runs can be set in this area and since the new road has been completed the T.T. (transport time) is much less. What the hell……it’s better than sitting around the swimming pool trying to attract/attack young lads and is certainly better than baking yet another cake so I will do the run today. Besides the stupid former G.M. (Handsome Jimmy) has dumped the scribe job on me today. Load up the carriage and off I go.
Directions to the runsite were OK…..only because a lady was the Hare. Even though there was only one signboard it was very LARGE and properly placed even through Wan-King thought it was too far or too close to the turn. What to say – lah? He’s a man and you know how they are about driving directions. Parking at the runsite was somewhat limited but adequate for PHHH. Thank goodness Mr. Ramli was there early so we could partake of ice water because it was a hot and sticky day. Obviously the Co-Hare forgot to pray to the Gods of Hashing to provide cool weather. What to say – lah? He’s a man and you know how they are about remembering things (like my Mother’s cousin’s daughter-in-law’s birthday!!!!).
After some brief and meaningless instructions from the GM that only Paul Smith could understand we were set off at 4:33.14159 pm. I decided to stay with the front-runners today. It was down a track, up a slight hill, around a curve, carry on down some roads and into a creek. This is where I learned something about Front-Runners. They have a thing about getting their feet and socks wet. I think it is a sexual thing but it could just be another of those Men Things – you know what I mean – lah? Well the ladies do. At any rate, it was amazing that none of the Front Runners would venture into the water stream. Some went up the left side of the stream and some went up the right side of the stream. None went up the stream. I followed the bunch up the right side just to see what they were up to. They were scrambling around on both sides of the stream looking for paper because they knew it would come out sooner or later. And it did but it was on the left side of the stream. Those miserable bastards on the right side of the stream had to scramble down and cross the creek (in their dry shoes) and then scramble up the jungle on the other side to try and catch up with the pack which was dutifully on paper.
By the time I got to the top of the hill on the left side the Front Runners were long gone and it was the last time I was anywhere near the front of the pack.
I joined Kwan, Win Chew, Helen Brooks and a few others. We had a leisurely stroll up a series of grinding hills. It gave us a wonderful opportunity to gossip about the important things in the world like food, knitting and the size of men’s ……….. dry shoes. However, we were able to keep up with the pack due to some cunning checks. We could hear Charles Lee and others crying like a baby “ARE YOU???”. Hugh Murray was not there as he had blown his knee out and had to limp home. Arnie was very quiet today as he was up to 7:00 am having a party (to which I was not invited…hmp!!!!) and appeared to be suffering from SAP (severe alcohol poisoning). This grinding up the hill was through a bit of jungle and lots of rubber. The mozzies were taking their toll on us Lovely Ladies but the men……..well, they seem to be immune to the mozzies for some reason. Probably because they smell – know what I mean, Lah?
After about three checks we peaked out at the final big hill with Rambo continuing to complain about the run being too flat. Never mind him – the Himalaya Mountains would be too flat for that bugger. Now it was down hill for a while and once again, as it often is, one of the Fairer Sex came to the rescue. Charlotte with her exceptional eyesight was able to detect paper on a road far below us and immediately began the scramble down the hill. The Front Runners whom had been out bleating “ARE YOU” in desperation quickly followed her down. The crash she endured during her descent was a minor thing and she will heal quickly without complaint.
Having reached the road at the bottom it was good hard running on roads with a couple of more cunning checks to slow down and confuse the Front Runners – especially those of the male species – know what I mean, lah.
After seven checks the Front Runner came in at 1 hour 15 minutes. The first lady came in at 1 hour 20 minutes and it was not Chu Chu or Petae althought both wanted to claim credit for it. It was none other than new member Chinese Sue. Good job Sue…..if it hadn’t been for Front Running Rob Stott directing you down a false trail you would have been 1st in.
I will now share with you a trade secret of hashing. This was a good run….a darn good run (regardless of the useless Co-Hare). You can always tell if a run is going to be good by the number of times the Front Runners pass you. This is a true indication of how cunning the checks are. Those buggers will be off checking in the wrong direction and will pass you several times……but they are a stupid lot of men – know what I mean, Lah?
For example, if the Front Runners only pass you once or twice – then the checks were much too easy. If they pass you three or four times then it is a good run. It they pass you more than that – it is a darn good run. Today Graham Davidson passed me a five times. I kind of like that because he has a tight butt in those tight little short shorts. Mr. Contention (Paul Smith) passed me four times. I also like that because he runs half naked and it makes me a little excited to see a hot, sweaty and half naked man. John Lavelle passed me four times as well and I think he has darling legs. Chu Chu never passed me once. But what do you expect ……. She is a smart Front Running Lady – know what I mean Lah?
Eventually we all returned to the runsite in reasonable time. The Hare (bless her soul) was so cunning that most of the pack came in together. A few exceptions but never mind. Mr. Ramli had the soft drinks and beer chilled down and we began to partake in a reasonable but hasty manner. The weather must have cooled down because Lady Kuching (Cat – the new Assistant On Cash) had her headlights on beneath that tight wet yellow shirt. We began to shower and clean up in the almost normal manner but sometimes these men of the hash can be so bothersome. While our darling sister Helen Brooks was taking a shower a gaggle of men turned their chairs and attention to the wonderful view. This group was led by none other than Guinness who as you know used to be a bit of a rascal in the old days. I remember those days with much fondness. I am telling you true – that man used to be able to get a cherry out of the bottom of a tall glass with his tongue. These days he sells tickets to the other wankers for a bit of a peep show.
GM Terry called the circle to order and soon handed it over to Wan-King who was in good Bomoh form – as always. Those having private circles were dealt with harshly – cups of ice cold water. All sinners (and there were many) were punished. The list is too long and if you don’t know then you should have been there.
A couple of surprises:
The restaurant was the Seven Wonders which seems reasonable since the run had seven checks. It appears we have finally and properly trained the restaurant owners and staff. They now have Tiger beer and treat us with all the due respect a hash club is entitled to. They do put us upstairs away from all their other customers which seems reasonable. They have good portions which includes piggy……gads does Ron Brooks and Wan-King get off on piggy. I think there were 5 or 6 tables and seven dishes. We had to open a new and separate table for Virginia and Daniel due to crowded conditions. You know how big Virginia is. There was a table of two Indian families having a meal next to the hashers. When the GM started his business of the night and the singing began – they started gobbling down their food to get out of there. However, when it can time to swap shirts – well the Indian men began to eat more slowly.
In their infinite wisdom the Committee (or who ever decides these things) judged the run to be a Medal Run. Eat your heart out Colin Hercus.
All in all another great night for Petaling. Some of us adjourned to the Back Yard for the ON ON ON and well…………………you might say I got lucky but I think he did too. Sometimes a change in cheese is a good thing.
On On
Sassy Saru
Posted by onsec at April 4, 2005 09:26 AM