We arrived at the run site by the lake in good time and were amazed to see the car parking area nearly full and Ramli already setting up shop. Obviously Kundang Lake is a popular run site and quite easy to get to.
In the absence of the GM, who was in Thailand seemingly attending to more important affairs, the run was started promptly at 4.30pm by Playboy Dave (PD). The trail first lead us across a ‘moonscape’ and deep “John Robertson” ditch before penetrating (no YK needed!) the palm oil estate.
It then meandered around for a bit before turning back to the first check. This allowed the ‘stragglers’ to short cut and catch up. A ‘falsie’ was found fairly quickly, followed by the main trail leading straight into the ‘heart’ of the estate. Was it a clockwise or anti-clockwise run? Impossible to tell.
At this time I was returning from the ‘falsie’ and so have absolutely no idea who broke this - or most of the other checks for that matter. And this raises the subject of the “calling” – which is a disgrace! On finding the new trail the FRB’s yell a quick “on-on” and then piss off as fast as they can to get as far ahead as possible. Consequently, the Comic has only a vague idea of the general direction to lay paper and has no chance of picking the proper route. FRB’s this is a team sport, so do please think of the ‘pack’ for a moment and allow us to find the trail and lay check paper. Also, the calling from the pack was (once again) virtually non-existent. Because of this I laid check paper all the way from the first to the second check, which was broken by the time I got there.
After this the run descended into chaos and I remember very little of several checks. I think number 3 (or 4?) was a circular to the right but there was considerable confusion and I was never able to locate the actual check. The next one was even worse and was in a wide-open area where groups of people could be seen scattered over a wide area. At one stage ‘on-on’ was called back, but the consensus was that this was a loop we had previously run. Then a second ‘on-on’ was called to the left, but this was in the middle of a trail. Do we go left or right? Then Father Abraham (FA) said he was wandering over the other side of a hill in front (why?) miles from the check and had found paper, so a third ‘on-on’ was called. Total chaos! Because of the distance, few followed and the hope was that he would loop back towards where other paper had been found. He didn’t! Thus, the various groups attempted to ‘cut the corner’ and at this stage no one but FA was on paper. This delay kept the pack together – apart from those who thought they knew better and wandered off in completely the wrong direction. More of this later. At this point, to complete the trail I must have laid over a kilometer of paper and it was everywhere!
Of course, FA reached the next check first, but he picked up all the paper and handed it to me. A dastardly thing to do because I was eventually down-downed for his terrible sin. A trail was found to the right, but it turned out to be a falsie and the home trail was to the left. This skirted the edge of the plantation that bounds that glittering monument to progress, the Guthrie Corridor. And so the front runners returned to the run site in almost exactly 90 minutes, but the consensus was that nobody had completed the full course and been to all the checks.
And so to the circle where a few ‘sinners’ were rewarded. The Bomoh (Jimmy) targeted Barry and John (the wanderers) for losing their way and struggling in 30 minutes or so behind the pack. John (again) and Chu were also ‘done’ for persistent lateness and Space Cadet for his birthday last Friday. I was also wrongly accused of having a birthday – or was it for allowing the middle of the run to degenerate into chaos? Les, Andrew and Alastair were then chastised for questioning their contribution to next week’s St George’s Day run (although non-members don’t pay!). Alastair also had to titillate the women by donning Hash boxer shorts, which admittedly were a bit tight! The Bomoh was then recognised for celebrating his return from his safari by wearing what can only be described as a pink condom. This won him the accolade of ‘poof of the week’ and I still don’t know why he was muttering about the size of the condoms over there. He certainly doesn’t need one that big so why get excited? Various people were then penalized for advertising their forthcoming runs including Neil Campbell (PHUK), Mo Man Tai (JB’s 1,888th), PD (Solstice). Saru and Ben were finally paraded for …… being Saru and Ben and looking sexy!
The ‘on-on’ was organized at the Garden World restaurant where we had a sumptuous feast of (I think) asparagus, veggie curry, meat (?), fish, chicken, sloppy noodles and fruit. All for the princely sum of RM 13 with RM 11 for the beer. Great value.
And so to the second circle, where the various guests, returnees (Neil) and virgins were rewarded, me too for picking up the check. John and Chai Ling were also done for the over-use of water. This lead on to the gripping climax of the evening when the run was judged – to be a toilet seat! This provoked bitter disappointment from the (male) hares who promptly “threw their toys out of the pram”. However, the middle of the run was total chaos and it is understood that almost nobody completed the whole trail on paper. It has to be recognized that they had kindly agreed to set the run at the last minute and no recces were done, although the run site is well known and the whole area is “GPS mapped”. Many thanks for your efforts.
At this point the bubble burst and it was then up to the Hash Shag to revive spirits with a joke.
Just for a change the triple-on was called at the Backyard.