Scribe report by Kojak
Kuala Kubu Bahru.
For those of us OMH or “Old Malaysia Hands” (not to be confused with John Duncan’s chums, OFM “Old Farts from Malaya”) the name of KKB conjures images of wild river runs down the untamed Selangor river and a quaint, clean and neat small town tucked in the forehills of the peninsular range. So as I was leisurely driving towards the run site on this hot and dry day, I could not help but think about white water rafting and cool waters. I had blissfully avoiding the N-S expressway and the Rawang toll (now just as infamous as the Rawang crawl at both entrances to the city). My hopes of refreshing river waters were shattered when I turned from the main road to the track leading to the run site, parallel to a once gorgeous – and clear – river. Sad…
Well, since traffic was light, we arrived at the run site about 4pm and to our surprise, there were only 3 other vehicles at the site ! When I asked early risers Rob Stott and Wolfgang Druba (who seemed to be engrossed in a metaphysical discussion about the size of ants in KKB) if we had the correct site, a lazy hand pointed to the hare’s car and some loose paper on the ground ! Indeed, we were at the correct site.
In the blistering heat, I unloaded my carload of unmentionables and proceeded to harness myself with camelbak and other bushwalker’s apparel. With a very small pack on attendance, the run was called on at promptly 4:30pm by GM Terry Gardener. Some of us, aroused by the call to action, immediately followed Colin Hercus to a trot past the lake and a first check half way up the hill. The well laid check - and only effective one of the run – enabled the late arrivers to join the pack and the gossip. After debating several long minutes which way to go, paper was called to the right, in what amounted to a back check.
From that point on, the run went on to resemble the text book example of a woman’s orgasm. I explain for those of you who have never read the book. A bit of foreplay with some checking, a drop down the gully, a rapid climb, a long plateau, a slow and demanding climb to the peak and a gradual return to earth level (when men usually fall asleep).
After the foreplay and check, we dropped down a small gully – very dry indeed. Crossing over was easy and painless, although at that point some bastards and bitches wanted to stay on top. Then, it was all single file up the hill, grabbing branches and moving up fairly rapidly until we reached that long, very long, extremely long plateau (where Dennis the horn and a few shortcutters dared to join the rest of us). Surrounded by bushy shrubs, ferns and secondary jungle (hint, hint!) we walked and trotted a very narrow path were many others (despite what the hare said) had been before. That part became rapidly boring for most gentlemen runners – such as Rob Stott and Rambo - who usually prefer to venture into virgin territory.
Those of us daring at the head (oops, ahead) went down below rapidly for a quick check (refer to the same sex book p 335), but our attention was quickly reasserted toward the upward activities by calls such as “Fuck, Arrgh and Bloody Hell”. And we went up and up and up, sweating, huffing and puffing, sometimes pausing on the way – even Maya was seen stopping and panting… (now we know why – as all was to be revealed later at the run site), till we reached the ecstatic apex of the run.
From then on, all did let go and entered full resolution phase for a 15 min jog down hill on the much wider exit path.
Premature ejaculators took about 1 hour to complete the course while most of the pack enjoyed themselves for an hour ½ and the last individuals to come (out) were Isako (DogMount) and visitor Mai from Egypt who were seen back at the beer wagon in just under 2 hours.
All in all a good and timely run. Not a winner of creativity awards, but satisfying enough for a hot Saturday afternoon in KKB.
Circle was formed at sunset and after the usual announcements several sinners were duly chastised. Amongst others the hash circle rewarded :
¨ Dave and Ben for letting their poorly bred dogs crap near the circle.
¨ Nina, once for not knowing where her own run was and a second time to be blessed with the hash name of “satisfied pussy”. On that subject, Maya demonstrated she could not tell a snake from a rubber hose when she found out that Colin had a twin waiting for her in the jungle today. Now we know why she was panting all afternoon! Anyway, both “twins” were duly raised by Maya’s expert hand and given a down-down.
¨ The pack of unsatisfied girls in the cult screamed, yelled, gasped and handed out their phone numbers when 2 Canadian visitors stripped their tops and exhibited their 6 pack abs and oversized pecs to the crowd of aging and envious beer bellies. Opera, not to be left behind, showed that Malaysian males can be proud of their belly buttons. All were given a down-down.
¨ A lady wearing a spotted Selangor Club Hash nightgown was given an on-down to season her new Thailand made shoes and Graham Davidson (hare) was raised again for omitting to mention the waiting time at the Rawang toll in the run directions.
¨ Finally, virgin guest Mai from Egypt was given a cool one. She was joined by Kojak and DogMount (Isako) - for making sure everyone waited 45 minutes for fantastic food at the “Ulu Langat Hilton” last week.
As tonight’s makan was at a nice restaurant with too difficult a name to remember and having to tuck my unmentionable & guest in bed early (hey, one Egyptian and one Japanese, sounds pretty exotic no?), I headed home satisfied in the notion that the rest of our hash sect would be a having a –hopefully - quick on-on nearby.
ON ON
Kojak
Posted by onsec at August 4, 2005 09:37 AM