Location: Kampong Batu 30 just after Antara Gapi (Ulu Yam Lama)
Hares: Christina Gauson
Co-hares: Don Cheang with a hint of Rambo
Hash Horn: Clog and Frog
Scribe: Clog and Frog in the absence of last week’s AGM hare.
Had I only known that I would be volunteered for Hash Trash, I would have paid a bit more attention to what was going on around me ... …….. As it is, I’ll do me best to remember what the hell happened and invent what I can’t!! I can’t even blame the beer, cos I didn’t get enough down-downs.
St Patrick’s Day, and here we are again at the same site for the 3rd time in 2007. Was this the reason for the poor turnout? Or that silly hat and matching T-shirt the GM wore? Or no one likes the new committee? Or the absence of murdered compatriots? Or because Ramli was not on site with the beer truck before we started? Or that Ramli’s beer truck failed to start despite several attempts? Or that so many wimps are sitting in the circle? We never might know the real answer but the first signs are boding evil for the new PHHH committee.
Still, this is not a place for wimps, so off we set, into the rubber and red mud, complaining bitterly, searching for paper and asking ourselves why the hell we were doing this, when we could have been at home by the air-con!! The run was a good one, a relative long one, and for once not a wet one! Well it didn’t rain but still had to go through Rambo streams at times. No one complained of getting soaked and a very good trail ensued. The twists, turns, back checks too numerous to count and general aimless wandering nature of the trails around Antara Gapi soon had even the most seasoned hashers confused as to which way we were going. Even Joel and Charles couldn’t manage to stay at the front for long due to the fiendish frequency and length of the hares’ check-backs. We had to navigate a few open areas and logging trails along the way, but generally speaking the trail traversed the kind of bush hashers love to hate. As to Christina’s length - long enough to satisfy most.
The rain didn’t show up through and after the run, so the circle was a dry one, although the beer was flowing. A lot of it onto the muddy ground however, as the girls and Mike the Bike are not renowned for their beer drinking talents! The circle went something like this (apologies for any omissions):
Emilia arrived in broad daylight.
GM announced : All – Please be seated.
Klaus the anointed charger. Got Mike the Bike up for still being pissed and not drinking beer.
Ramli first try to start the engine
Klaus called up Charles Lee for infringement of John’s ‘On-on” shouting rights please click on the music sheets provided and turn up the volume. ???
Klaus made some other chargers about Zorro lifting up his leg every 5 yards on the trail and making a mess.
Ramli tries to start his truck again – it is still daylight
Joel did a few charges and bitterly complained that the Blue Rinse Brigade should call on-on when uncle Louie led them to the left leaving all the pack and FRB’s in the cold. Yes, we all had to overtake Emilia with her famous backpack. Unheard of!
I got called up to do the hash trash and as a bonus got a free down-down
Tommy did his charge whilst smoking a fag in the circle. Some China man had to drink from Nick Morss' shoe.
Ramli manages to start the truck and everyone passes out in a cloud of diesel smoke and made a dash for the restaurant.
A joke as I did not go to the restaurant:
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bush land around the fertile deltas.
Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.
Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.
Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.
Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.
After 70, they become Ireland or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN:
Quite simply between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like one country only - Zimbabwe - ruled by a dick!
On on on on on