Scribe Report
Celebration run: 'CNY Saukung Run'
Hare: Alyvia Hor
Co-Hares: Chinese Connection
Scribe: Dorian 'Kojak' Landers
Venue: Ulu Tamu
Another year, another hare, same co-hares, same spot.
With the sly Rat leaving the scene to the hard working Ox, the world is waiting to see how the steady beast will take us out of the economic morass the Pig and the Rat dug out.
Well, we came to the run site to “stop work”, “CNY Saukung Run”- clever name for a run. I almost felt like staying in the car and ordering beer service! But it was not to be and the descendents of the Dragon emperor had clearly ordered for us to sweat profusely before indulging in cholesterol laden delicacies such as roast pork (provided by honey hash babe “babeloo”) and delicious fried noodles. The hares made sure that all fitness levels were dealt with and provided two runs for the cult to sweat out their sins. Ever so cunning, they laid the long run with short paper and the short run with long strips of paper! Those not initiated to the intricacies of Chinese torture or plain English writing fell for the ploy and we saw several mongrels back tracking to change their option.
Run started promptly at 4:30pm with a quick dip in the river to cleanse the pack of mongrels and bitches of their misdeeds, bugs and other vices before ascending, zig zag style through secondary jungle and scruffy rubber trees. A couple of Rambo styles checks held the FROPs for a while and yours truly had the satisfying pleasure of breaking the 3rd check. The 4th check was after a wily and long uphill climb through old rubber terraces. There, the ever inspired – and utterly naïve - Lawrence swore that this was going to be the middle point of the run and that ‘’as indicated on the website” the trail would split into short and long there and then. Hence, he decreed that the trail was to be found in the direction of home. Since when does anyone believe to the letter what hares or hash websites say? True enough, paper was found 180 degrees from the home direction, across a deep gully. Well done Lawrence ! I hope BN did not hire you to predict the result of the KT by-elections!
Anyway, I was made to penance at the 5th check and ended up totally in the wrong direction across a river, resulting in being way back, and huffing and puffing the next hill with Choirmaster Yap of Lake Club hash fame. The rest of the run(s) was a pretty uneventful and slightly boring walk or trot mostly through scruffy secondary jungle and a wee bit of river. Then, we reached palm oil and the scent of home and fried noodles with lap cheong filled our nostrils. The last stretch was an inspired river walk which saw many cult members renewing their faith in the cool sungai waters and indulging in fully clothed dipping “a la Kelantan”. Short run was about 7.5 km; while the long one was about 11ish - I am told.
After the babeloo and noodle show, most of us fitted the new clothes given by the first concubine “Alyvia”. Our fearless Grand Mandarin - who was earlier seen humping the bonnet of a Nissan Murano to the despair of Empress Charlotte– called for the heavenly circle where unrepentant sinners were made to drink the magic cleansing potion. An evasive maneuver from Featherlite was countered by a group of brave mandarins who dragged her to the box after confiscating keys to her chariot. She was made to plea guilty for gangbanging with contractors in the morning of this holy hash day. Her ardent prosecutor, Aussie Beaver, was further remanded and chastised by master Yap for using the wrong English word in his rhetoric (banger vs bangee).
With a million stars shining on us, and a hundred firecrackers blasting, On On was called at Old Lucky Light. While some of us went home to digest our post run appetizers, others went for more chow at the restaurant and sanitized their brain and guts with the amber fluid to welcome the new lunar year. Gong Xi Fa Cai !