The Short, the Bad and the Fugly
Hare: Jerry French
Venue: Taman Agroteknologi
Scribe: John Paul Brown
The brash young Hasher announces to Master Hasher Dave
"I am ready to Hash, I am not afraid"
To which Master Hasher Dave coldly replies
"yessss, you will be, you will be!"
Or, for those who aren't into Star Wars quotes
There are old hashers and there are bold hashers, but there are no old bold hashers.
This just about sets the scene and mood for run 1689, the Short, the Bad and the Fugly. Confusion at the run site did not bode well. Paper was here and it was also there. Which was the start of the run, which was the finish and which was the false trail? Never mind, the run started predictably with the Hopelessly Enthusiastic Fast Young Things (hereafter referred to as HEFTY's) led by Laurence charging up the lose, steep, hole infested road cutting like the British storming the beach at Gallipoli following what was obviously a false start while the Experienced Old Gits (hereafter referred to as the EOG's) ambled down the road like Three Toed Sloths on Valium, laughing all the way.
The paper leading up lose, steep road cutting of course went absolutely nowhere and ended in an unusual new Hash sign - a big Hash paper T (hummm???). Obviously not the on-on so down the steep, lose road cutting charged the HEFTY's with yours truly using the perfect bum slide technique that I perfected after years of practice on my grandmas stair case. Meanwhile the EOG's had found the paper leading across the river - just wide enough and deep enough to get everyone's feet nice and wet and up the hill through the bamboo. Fortunately for the HEFTY's the hill was long enough to ensure that the EOG's were huffin and puffin over there geriatric walking tools by half way up the hill which allowed the HEFTY's to once again charge off down the next false trail where we found yet another new hash sign which rather cheekily indicated that the real run was a "long, long way back". Hummm, and I thought the false trails were meant to be 120m max??!! So once again the HEFTY's charged back up the false trail discussing various tortures for the Hare - egg's, flour, ice, rabid ferrets down the shorts!
Once again, back on paper, down through the bamboo and a few bits of nasty rattan. Up the next hill, jump (or roll, depending on your waistline) over a few trees and a big down hill back to the river where we found our cunning Hare waiting with several bottles of Vodka and orange. Now far be from me to encourage binge drinking and alcohol abuse on the hash, but if I am ever in charge of the Hash I will vote to make this a compulsory feature of every Hash. Sitting in the river with a cold voddy and orange while watching my new friend Mr. Leach suck up some vodka laced blood was marvelous.
But sadly all good things must come to an end and so after the semi-legal libation it was a short hike back up to Ramly's truck to start on the 100 plus/mango juice/Tiger/Guinness. Pre-circle conversation centered around discussing whether "it" had been worth "getting out of bed for" and pre-circle activities included some of the HEFTY's going for a jog down the road to replace the 6 KM that was mysteriously missing from the Hash!
All in all, a bit of a short run, and in fact not much running, more a lot of slogging up hills and finding strange new Hash symbols for False Trail. Anyhow, for me the vodka and orange made up for the 2.7 km run so I hope there was no toilet seat involved.
At this point my H1N1 like fever was getting the better of me so I went home. I presume the Hare got thoroughly roasted but I hope no rabid ferrets where involved. Since Dave Smith wasn't at the run I presume we didn't have any of his amusing jokes about people with short arms, short brains or big mouths. And since I wasn't at the circle the other Dave (who shall remain nameless) couldn't get me on the box and make me flash my tackle - which he seems to do quite regularly, hummmm!
On on.