Venue: Factory building at Serendah chicken farm
Hare: Elaine "birthday girl" D’Silva
Scribe: NC Yoong
Woke up on Sunday and didn’t get my usual high, I had this tension in my carpal tunnel which last afflicted me 5 years ago and prior to that, my high school exams.
You see, I suffer from this illness called procrasstinatis, it also freezes up my balls if I don’t get it fixed. It lasts all day and doesn’t go away.
Came Monday, I still feel the stiffness until I remember cruel Laurence of Arabia’s threat of sodomy if I don’t do the scribe thing (well he actually did get buggered by some Bedouins on his way to conquering Jordan and creating the Saudi kingdom – imagine, him and this fella called Guggenheim took a stick and drew the borders of Israel, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Syria, Iraq and UAE in the sand. Why do you think they are so many straight lines? Only a rear entry specialist could do it).
First check, up a nasty hill and we were diligently combing the slopes for evidence until some backpack walker shouted for ON ON on the main path a few light years from where I was. With that, hopes of a good finishing for me evaporated. To make it worse, I had to check for the MCA election results in my latest 3G fone (which I cleverly disguise as a GPS so that no one suspects that I am facebooking Featherlite while pretending to be running) and the whole Party seems to be falling apart.
Reject the entire leadership! What a joke for a political party that has lost its relevance to Malaysians, not just the Mat Sallehs in PHHH that asked “Ong Tic-ket-to-nowhere”?, “Chua-Soiled-It” too?
Anyway, second check, on the path, another devious backcheck that caught us breathless again. BTW, my late father was an ardent MCA member and in his naivety, thought that the Alliance coalition would help lead Malaysia to greater heights (those days, Barisan Nasional was called Alliance. Years later, George Bush copied us because he had similar misguided thoughts that it would lead the world to better pastures).
The third check was in open area and relatively tame and like the MCA leadership, I harboured ambitions of being to finish early. Little did I know then that it was more like I would be finished, just as MCA will be. I never subscribed for its partisan politics but I suppose MCA was just a bit player in the great Malaysian political landscape. On another political front, my continued membership in PHHH reflects great irony of hope that someday, we will not need to subsidise those heavy beer drinkers who are driving us to the poor house.
The fourth check was beside a hut of Indonesians up a ridge. Another dastardly back check! We left the grinning Indons, and on to the fifth and final check on another slope. If they were part of the expeditionary force to invade Malaysia, they certainly had the job cut out for them. Indonesians are not our enemies!
As I huffed past the vegetable gardens towards the beer wagon, I figured that we have in our midst, the seeds of self defacement. Malaysia needs to look inwards for solutions, just like MCA. After 6.5 km of self torture and self reflection, I finally left my memories of my late father and his (now) shattered dreams of greatness for the country.
Monday: press 0122336318....”Opera, YNC here, I didn’t go to the OnOn as usual, what happened there?”
“Duh, same old 5 ½ tables at 121 Restaurant in Serendah. No new shit to report.”
“What was the run rating?”
“Duh, it was an on down run. I d-don’t ~slurring~ u-understand what happened. Maybe dey said the checks too long, like my dickie, but I thought it was a good run. Tiu Nia Seng!”
“Yeah, me too. I think it was worth a-a ~pretending to slur~ f-frigging medal! You know, Opera, the committee is real tight, like my assie”
“Heck, YNC, I need a beer and ~burp~ I’m so hungry I could eat a turtle.”
..... mutual silence, then BEEEP, hung up.
Elaine, you get medal in my universe, especially after saving that abandoned puppy.
Oh, and Laurence, I did my scribe so please don’t freeze my balls in ice.
OnOn!