Run 1393 :22 November 2003
Venue : Pulau Meranti
Hare : Chan Chooi Fun
Co-Hare : Jaga
Scribe : One of the Parang Boys
Left KL early in anticipation of the massive jam but it was not to be. Reach the run site at 2.50 pm and with so much time did a 4WD recce. Back at run site at 3.30 and watch the great storm brewing. The lightning show was a sight to behold. One even strike 100 meters behind me as I could see the flash on my rear mirror. At 4.10 the scribe was not to be seen. Made a phone call to confirm that I will be scribing and he did not relent to last week pressure. By 4.30pm only a small group of 30 odd hassers has gathered and the rain has ease to a drizzle. ON On was called by Heart breaker who with Emilia were the only committee around. Emillia was spotted carrying a bag with all the gear in preparation to get lost.
The run started down the tarmac road all the way to the highway . Understand there was a check up the steep embankment but I have no clue to it as I was at the back all the run as I was the back horn. The run was in open grass land parallel to the highway for a good 20 mins before we turn left into one of the limited cover of the run. It was also the only big slope in the run. Caught up with the pack at the 3rd check and was checking in the wrong direction in this check. Ended up way at the back with the back walking brigade and after 15 minutes the whole pack of walkers was way ahead and our Dadah man made an observation that after loosing a few of them in last weeks run the walkers has increase their speed by 30%. So if we extrapolate it by loosing 3 a week after 2 months all of the hashers will be FROPs. We were running on open tracks in oil palm for a while and observe Guinness Khoo coming in the opposite direction and it was found that he tried shot cutting and ended up to far ahead and is now doing a reverse. It was then observed that a few hashers were having itches and immediate Ah Wan took the opportunity to lead 2 of the female hashers into the bushes and they were not to be seen until about 8.00 pm. The pack was kept together in a check in an open area and everyone taught we should be heading home but it was not to be. Paper was heading further out and we meander through some star fruit orchards and ended up in a TIGER station. We wanted tiger beer but they only serve fuel. It was back across a ditch and into orchards again and we finally pass some rambutan trees with low hanging fruits and most hashers decided to replenish their low sugar level. From here it was a solid 2k on Orchard road and then 1.5k back to run site on the main road.
By 7.20 even Emilia was back but there was no sign of Ah Wan, Angie & Lisa. The hare was feeling a bit uneasy and it would be a record of sort if we actually loose another 3 people today as both were set by virgin hares. We question Emilia what was in her back and it was confirm that she has the whole works of tools(torchlight, raincoat,airbag,tent) to get lost. Only setback is if you want to get lost with her you will have to bring your own raincoat for you junior.By 8.00 pm Ah Wan and the lost angels were back and from the furious look on their faces Ah an did not enjoy the hiatus as the itch was only on the hands and arms.
ON ON was called at 8.15 and the small pack of 15 adjourn to the restaurant. The hare not knowing of the Songkhla trip has order 4 tables. So they will be eating there for the next month. Food was very good and with the small number it was a very friendly atmosphere. Heart breaker ask for the verdict of the run and the pack graded it a medal but he stated that it cant be a medal as all female hares runs are automatically graded as t-shirt as we want to see them change. Since the hare turn down the T-shirt offer it was downgraded to On Down. All in all it was a great runners run and it was good due to the small pack.
Thanks & Regards
Rambo Chan
Venue : Kerling
Hare : Francis Chan CS aka Lansi
Co-Hare : Parang MOB
Scribe : Tan Chin Wan
Hmm…new runsite. Very far-lah, but I guess it was worth the drive. I arrived to a good ample parking lot for the usual Saturday’s lot…lorries, trucks, 4-wheels, Mercedes, protons to kancils. Unfortunately, there were only half the load of cars cos some hashers were indulging in some kind of balls wanking, US Marine Ball and football.
The runsite…geese, turkeys, chickens and even the beautiful fowls from Africa, the guinea fowls were seen coupled with rows of hills in the horizon, very promising indeed.
On on was called at 4.30 pm by the formidable GM, Nan into a beautiful orchard of durians, yummy! and rambutans and 1st check was called. Who said hashers have no manners, Jean and Virginia actually asked the permission of the owner before going on a rampage of plucking off all the rambutans. The owner must have regretted his permission.
Then we ascend our first hill of rubber plants and eventually descend into the oil palm plantation and passing more orchards. I was just thinking, this run should qualify for a medal as it certainly fit into one of the criteria of a diversified terrain of orchard, rubber and oil palm SO FAR. On on we go further. Beautiful and breathtaking views, misty valleys were thrown in.
Oh! Oh! Oh NO, the nightmare began (unknown to us still then). Some hashers were still taking it easy and chatting away thinking that this was just another hill. Then the rain came drizzling down and eventually pouring onto us. Needless to say, all the tough hashers have no problem being drenched. Slowly, slowly we went up track on this giant hill that seems to be endless. The rain certainly did not make things easy. Hashers were seen climbing on all fours, plough to the surface of the earth, grabbing onto whatever they could get hold of… roots, branches, thorns, earth (very desperate-lah), twigs, to proceed upwards and prevent from slipping. Here at this point, the true colours of hashers came out…what the f…, “teu na ma…” , mad-lah and so forth. The four letter word in various languages and dialects were heard all the way up. Two good samaritans, Shan and Hugh were shouting on on and honking to keep the troop going. It’s getting dark.
Finally, when we came out of the hill onto a tarmac road, we could not see anything ahead of us cos it was so thick with mist. Likewise, the medal image also faded. Blindly we found our way down, sliding most of the way among the slippery path and home.
First runner in was 2 hours 15 min. Most of the pack were out by 7.30pm. However there were still some poor souls inside. Eventually when we break for dinner, about 12 paxs were still in there, at various part of the jungle. The GM decide to call the circle off, while two co-hares lead the lucky ones who were out to dinner and two hares/co-hares will stayed back for some action.
By 9.30pm, when dinner was over, we got a phone call to say 7 hashers were out at Kuala Kubu town or something like that. The usual tradition of on downs were called off too. When we left after dinner, apparently, Emilia, Saru and Stephenie were still in there. Finally, a check the next morning found that they came out about 2.30am. What a night!
Venue : Templer Park
Hare : Tan Chin Wan
Co-Hare : Danny McBride
Scribe : The Ghostwriters
1. The Grand Mistress was absent. Apparently Nan has got to work ! In turn, Hugh Murray had his moment of glory to call the pack to order. With his commando-like voice, he asked for a volunteer to do my scribe. Yes, I know my physical self was still stuck in the traffic, but , spiritually I was already at the run-site. I know exactly what's going on !
2. ON ON was called and the pack started to "run" into a track on the right side of the car park. Notice the word "run", which was soon to be an extravagant and impracticable act after the first check, for to run past a piece of horizontal terrain was a rarity for the rest of the run. It was a backward check and papers were on the right, the pack was ascending up a track. From there, it was an uphill task all the way forming a single file.
3. Sighting guest from Sweden, who works and "likes" Siemens, Jenny, she was resting under the tree with half gallon of the mineral water she had brought along.
4. 2nd check was broken quite effortlesssly, a simple forward checks. But, the goings get tough from there. It's a steep uphill plus slippery tracks.
5. Just when the male hashers were panting, losing their menmentum, something caught their sights which immediately revitalized their exhausted physique - A sexy black bra was spotted hanging on the tree branch (Somebody must have gotten too excited from the previous night's disco? The owner of the bra was identified later on). Local superstition has it that if you hang woman's underwear, you are able to ward-off the ghosts ! Same effect to the "Kwai- Lohs" too?
6. The climb is now clearly parallel to the river, as one could hear the thunderous roar of the water gushing down. The pack now climbed to a height of several hundreds feet. Through windows in the dense foliage walls, one was able to catch occasional glimpses of the waterfalls. In the middle of this rain forest, the view of the surrounding trees was purely magnificent. There're trunks with absolute straightness- like pillars of the earth, rose straight upwards. Unfortunately, in the centre of all beauties, there lies piles and piles of rubbish ! It's an absolute shame and disgrace!
7. The paper trail brought the pack to a valley. It was a steep decline and sided by thorns, bamboos and thickets of every kinds.The pack had to regularly clumber down the slope with both hands clutching at twigs. Then, it was again a steep incline and the pack had to hold on to the vegetation to pull themselves up. The worst going of all consisted of slopes covered with treacherous moss. It was so slippery that you basically had to watch out each step you gonna take.
8. Third check was again a forward check, thus was broken quite effortlessly. This meant that the pack had no chance to regroup themselves, or to rest and catch their breathe. At this point, the pack was completely exhausted as well as soaked through sweat in the efforts to keep up.
9. After about a solid hour of laborious toiling up and down the jungle ridge, it was a marvellous sensation to reach the top of the waterfalls. It was an open space. The pack was seen congregated by the water. Some de-leeched themselves, washed away the clotted blood. Some laid in the sun, bathed in the stream. It was a total relaxed mood, with no sign of anyone checking for papers. The tranquility was soon shattered by the
roaring voice of Hugh Murray, who was saying aloud to Ursula that she does not have to scribe for this run anymore, Knut arrived late and is now somewhere behind on the run. Hhmn... how could he feel my presence? Must have been my hantu whispering in his ear...
10. Soon, some runners, like Paul Smith, Roger and Patrick Coyle were seen running back and forth to look for papers, but to no avail. At this point, the pack was pretty convinced that the hares would have the pack get down by jumping down the waterfalls. Sounds crazy? Yes....but then, we had a cohare here who is an Irish and just got himself married the very same morning!
11. But, even unlawful pleasures must come to an end. After cooling down by the water and totally set the mood for a picnic, On On was called on the other side of the river.The pack reluctantly waded through the water and back to the slippery tracks again. It was downhill all the way. Again, it was the unavoidable drill of lowering themselves down on a ratan/ branches
and the eventual thorns...
12. After passing by high tension wire on top, one had to dive through some undergrowth, with bamboo thickets and ferns. Soon, the pack hit the final checks by the creeks which veered towards right side of the tracks, but, papers were found on the left side of the proper track and brought the pack all the way home.
13. Back at the runsite, circle was conducted by Dave Wilson. It turned out to be an auction: umbrellas, hash chairs and occupants for the hash chairs? The owner for the mysterious black bras was found, it apparently belongs to Mei Mei !
14. The On On was held at PJ Seafood Restaurant, just opposite Lagong. Upon entering the car park, one may wonder if it was a restaurant or a zoo? With sights of : rabbits, ponies and peacocks! It proved to meet the hasher's high gourmet standard afterall.
15. Circle was conducted by Dave, a challenging job in this huge restaurant ! Farewell song was sung to Siu Jun and Paul who is leaving Malaysia. Where will they be going? " To the most wonderful place in the world - Germany" This is thedirect quote from Siu Jun, no bias!
16. Nick Moss and Mary have finally decided to come back to Malaysia. After staying in UK for several months, they have eventually realized they couldn't survive without hashing in Malaysia!
17. Hares and Co-hares were called up on the chairs. Was it a good run? What "run"?? It's more like a hash walk ! So, as expected, an ON Down for the hares all the way !
Venue : Kuala Kubu Bahru
Hare : Herzer Knut
Co-Hare : The Germans
Scribe : Hornblower
Predictably unpredictable traffic at Batu Caves - (2 lanes closed, no warnings, no bloke directing traffic past the traffic lights, 2020 vision and all that) left me 0 mins behind schedule before I even left KL. Then,
500 metres up the lake-side Ulu Yam road I got stock with another 50 cars behind a low loader carrying a huge digger and doing 3 mph. Stuck behind that until the crawler lane shortly before Ulu Yam. Hence got to the run-site a tad late at 5.00 pm.
The run-site was a hive of activity, with a tin-shed and loads of teutonic knights hyper-efficiently setting up the lighting, the mega-blaster-hash-stereo, the gen set and the BBQ for a zoompfah of an on-site on-on. The site was decorated with reminders of great English /
British sporting diasters - namely every World Cup since 1966. A 'football field' was set up with a very small 4 x 4' goal at one end (the German end) and a very, very large 20 x 20' goal at the other end (the rest of the world). Brittania rules the waves, but Germany waives the rules!
Obergruppensturmfuhrerundchiefenharer Knut informed the very late comers that there was a short run and a very long run. With a few other late starters I sensibly chose to do the short run. And it was quite short. Out the hash-challenge home trail, quickly into the forest reserve, down break-ankle gully and up and along very slippery break-a-leg hill. No checks that I was aware of, but then the FROPS would have been long gone. Started to catch up with some of the weak and unwilling, crossed a river (useful for removing 8 kg of mud from each shoe) and then followed a deeply rutted logging / 4WD track for a Km or so, a grass farm (where the co-hare was spotted shampooing the 'black forest' under his arms - nothing romantische
about this strasse!) and then home thru the sand-mines. About 45 mins for an averagely fit Joe like me, and quite enjoyable.
I didn't hear much about the long run except that it was long and also had some tricky, slippery sections. Other than that, the hash-volk seemed to like it well enough. Long - runners staggered back between 90 - 120 mins.
Back at the run-site the beer wagon was dispensing ice-cold refreshment and things were ticking over as smoothly as an poorly-oiled Angolan watch. One of the teutonic knights (nameless, to save his blushes) had blown up the hash-amplifier in a an unprovoked blitz-krieg on hash assets. So no boogie box. The tin-hut strip lighting had been left thoughtfully unconnected with wires to any form of power source. So no ighting. The wehrmacht katering korps was no where to be seen, although radio contact had been established around 18.40 hrs with their advance party, believed to be in somewhere the vicinity of Port Dickson. So potentially no food. Things were starting to look really serious.
It then started to rain. Heavily. At least the gen-set (supplied by an Ozzie of Italian origins) was working - but it had nothing left to power! Ober-gruppen-fuhrer Wolfgang wheeled in his panzer-wagen (Korean, but with German technology! Let's not forget that!), reversed up to the tin hut, stuck some Bavarian ooompah-ammunition in his boogie box, opened all the doors and let rip on the unsuspecting crowd with everything he had. So, ve haf musik!
Uncle Carlo came to the rescue with his back-up strip-lighting set powered off his wagon. Ach so, ve haf der lighting!
The beer was still flowing and the rain was still falling, but everyone was happy, crowded intimately together under the tin-roof, just like your average Glasgow pub on a Saturday night. Cold and wet outside, warm and damp inside! And eventually, after the circle part 1 the makan arrived and was quickly set up. With more uncharacteristic inefficiency, this was set up in an L shaped, one-sided buffet terminating at the BBQ - the slowest part of the process. Hence service was rather slow. Future organisers, take note. Double sided buffet for the cold cuts and a separate station for cooked food.
But the food was very good - German sausages, lamb, sauerkraut and what have you and well worth the wait. Even a delicious honey-cake desert. Sad to see, as ever, some hashers pile their plates to the sky and then leave half of what they took. I can tell you, my dogs had an excellent breakfast the next day - but this is one bad hash-habit our club really has to break. After all, you can usually go back for seconds.
Circles proceeded with various sins and sinners. Nan had to change swap shirts with Thomas, because his little black number was much sexier and see-thru. Just as well her nipples aren't bright pink. Wolfgang was
on-downed for being seen on the run after the hares made a song and dance in the directions about being traditionalists and not being seen at the run-site before the end etc etc. Some visitors were on-downed.. or were they? Not sure. Too much beer.
For some reason, the run was not judged and was deemed a celebration run on-the-spot. The hares seemed slightly bemused by this, probably wondering
when they were going to get the RM1k sub that comes with a gazetted run. The good news is that this will keep the committee entertained for hours...
With reference to all the English sporting disasters some bloke (me actually) got up and told a very funny joke about Margaret Thatcher and Helmut Kohl. This is a true story.
Scene - EU conference on monetary union; Germany has just knocked the England football team out of the World / European / Deutsche Dairy Farmers Federation Cup ( *delete as appropriate):-Kohl to Thatcher 'Ho, ho, ho Margaret, it seems ve haf just beaten you at your national sport - again!. Ha, ha, ha!"
Thatcher (smiling aweetly, to Kohl) - "But Helmut, we've also beaten you at yours - twice..."
So, on to the soccer match - a piece of mid-night madness only the Hash could concoct. The heavy rain eased off, but there was no flood-lighting so half a dozen wagons put their head-lights on the 'pitch'. The German team turned out resplendent in all white vests and underpants. The rest-of-the-world were issued with brown underpants, and we all know why!
(err, because they were supposed to be scared s***less at the mere thought of facing the Germans). So, with an enthusiastic crowd on the side-lines and the half flooded field lit by 4WD's, play commenced with a German-ref (naturally) but despite the sloping pitch, the mis-matched goal sizes, the bent-ref and all - the match ended in a draw... or a win... or something. But as we Brits know full well, the important thing is to take part, not to win! Anyway, a great organisation, and very entertaining for everyone.
Despite the mishaps and the slippery slopes on the run, everyone I saw seemed to be pretty happy with another great PH3 night out in the ulu. Many thanks to the hares for all their considerable efforts and the German PH3 community for sponsorship of T-shirts and the on-on - both the hut and especially the delicious food.