Venue : Kota Damansara
Hare : David Wee
Co-Hare :
Scribe : Charles Lee
The burden of high office in the Hash is onorous – so in the absence of the appointed scribe or his deputy – here goes. Tony, you owe me a beer or ten.
Chinese New Year weekend, but despite an alternative attraction on the eastern coast and numerous ‘balik kampong’ absentees we still had about 50 diehards for the run. The run site was fairly close to home and no traffic problems this weekend, thank goodness. Whoever wrote the run directions definitely did not achieve the ‘Estimators’ badge in the Boy Scouts – and probably needs glasses to read the odometer. Since when is it 0.1km from the Shell petrol station to the first traffic lights? The same applies to the 6.6km directions later.
The run site was on another moonscape where the old farts fondly remember a lovely rubber plantation. However, there was a fringe of forest round the perimeter so it was pretty clear where we were running and once we started in which direction. Jimmy Legover started the run promptly at 4.30pm and the pack sauntered off down the road then left and left again up to the ‘kolam air’ for the first check. After a false, false trail call - off we went into the ‘secondary’ and that is where we stayed – virtually single file jungle trekking all the way. The remaining checks were virtually identical, but quite well laid and they did keep the hard core of the pack together. The paper was good too – although there is a tendency for some FRBs to;
(a) pick up ALL the paper at the check (so no one following knows where it was) and
(b) then not tear it up when joining the check so the Comic doesn’t know where the new trail starts. Please!!!!!!
Guys, that pervert Kojak has a great wheeze. Find a big log where the girls have difficulty getting their leg over. Sit on the lowest bit pretending to be tired and just wait for the women to turn up. When they have difficulty getting past – give them a bunk up! Brilliant and judging by the screams I heard behind me, very successful.
Following the jungle trek we did have a final run in across the moonscape, so some were puffing a bit by the end and the front runner finished in just over the hour. That gave us plenty of time to dig out the splinters and tend the cuts. All were back within 90 minutes – except Patsy (dreadfully sorry to learn of your sad news) who decided the run wasn’t long enough and so went on and on and on and on – much to Jimmy’s concern.
At the circle, the Joint GM called on Helen B. to be the Bomo – who promptly down-downed Jimmy twice for dropping her in the s**t. I seem to recall someone having to drink out of a filthy shoe, but I can’t remember any more (senile dementia has set in). Jimmy then organised a great game where 2 teams of Chinese had 10 seconds to teach their ‘gwai lo’ cousins a dirty Chinese word. After a suitable time to forget it, those that failed were down-downed.
Haberdashery sales? Zero – which wasn’t helped by Magda and her guests pissing off before even the circle had been called.
Some stayed back at the run site to help (?) Ramli pack up, keep the curious onlookers at bay and finish off another crate of beer. To get to the restaurant one needed a degree in cartography and even then the map didn’t show the name of the place. Still, we all eventually got there to find there weren’t enough tables. Once that had been sorted out about 40 of us settled down to ‘yi sang’ and samples of various other dishes. All for the princely sum of RM 15.
Rather controversially, the run (jungle trek with a bit of road running at the start and finish) was awarded a T-shirt. The co-hare refused to bare all and so we had to suffer the hare’s not so hairy, chest. No virgins, no guests but 3 returnees, Aad (back for a couple of weeks for a blow job), Nick and his wife – ‘Fragrant Smell’ I think she was called. Can’t help wondering if mum had been eating sprouts before she was born.
No one from the floor was prepared to entertain us with a joke/song so I tried my best with “Will You Marry Me?” Gail contrived to sabotage it, but we got through it in the end. No one was interested in a ‘triple on’ either.
And that was it really. Thanks to the hares for organising another successful day – particularly on the CNY weekend – and to those that supported us.
Venue : Hulu Langat
Hare : Wolfgang Druba
Co-Hare : Dave Wilson
Scribe : Tommy Chin
This is a nice run-site, known as AgriTechno, left of the Hulu Langat main road, just after the Batu14 Kampong. Rapids, clear soft stream, shaded parking area, windy trees and water sounds.
Whenever I enjoy a run, I plain forget the checks, details and who what where when. This Run is one of them. From what I can vaguely remember, we started the Run crossing a stream, followed by a shaggy, no, a shiggy at the start, before crawling up a steep hill. The Run had us mostly doing forward checks and running on ridges. The Co-Hare’s Mandarins refreshment was a welcome indulgence as we reached a breezy high ground undulation that had a clear view of the distant hills. This was where a check was laid, so we could enjoy the view and have our Mandarins. For a common moment, time stood still and no one bothered to check. Later, there was an interesting stretch of single-file running into the thick of tall lalang. Our home trail, a shallow stream, was much fun splashing and scrambling our way back to the cars.
Run Overview. Paper kept the pack together despite many forward checks. Loop shaped trails were the order of the day. The pack on paper was back in an hour. The Hare had done a good job on the choice of run-site and the laying of the Run. Credit ought to be given when it is due. Kindly noted, is, Wolfgang & Dave stood in, on last minute notice, to do the Run for Arul who was apparently missing in action from PHHH. His Excellency, the Trail Master Collin King, shall be trailing this unfinished matter together with his dog, as informed.
The Comic decided the Run deserved a Good Run T-Shirt.
The ON ON was held at a coffee-shop called WingHeong, located near the Batu14 traffic lights. The only customers present were yours truly(s), a plentiful of us hashers, noisy merry hashers in premature festive fervour. Beers were flowing more than usual and the food was good. I wonder, were you as think as I’d drunk you were? Yep, yep, you were as drunk as I’d think you were.
On-down to Thomas and his virgin guest, Daniel. The virgin was found, nervously running around the hills all alone whilst the host is back having refreshments.
The next On-down was given to a rather special hash couple. The news is, this very coffee-shop was where they had their “romantic” First Date, some years ago. On-down, Michael Howard & Mei Mei, …Why Were They Born So Beautiful…..
Venue : Bukit Lagong
Hare : Tommy Chin
Co-Hare : RT Kana, Guiness Khoo, Rachael Chau, Christina Tan, Jane Gappang.
Scribe Colin Shepherd
INTRODUCTION
This run was the Chinese New Year Run for the “Year of the Monkey”. Perhaps this title should bear more adjective description like the “Year of the Wet and Bloody Monkey”, as it was the condition of the poor monkey scribe and others who end this particular run.The weather looked ominous to start with as it appeared like it was going to rain at any moment, but it near did until much later during the “circle”. The terrain was hilly jungle, a seemingly never ending stream and some roadway toward the end of the run.
INTRODUCTION
This run was the Chinese New Year Run for the “Year of the Monkey”. Perhaps this title should bear more adjective description like the “Year of the Wet and Bloody Monkey”, as it was the condition of the poor monkey scribe and others who end this particular run.The weather looked ominous to start with as it appeared like it was going to rain at any moment, but it near did until much later during the “circle”. The terrain was hilly jungle, a seemingly never ending stream and some roadway toward the end of the run.
RUN COURSE DESCRIPTION
I started the run at 4:40PM, somewhat late. In the first 5 minutes I was instructed to take a slight shortcut, up hill toward a power line. I was somewhat hesitant, but eventual found paper again, and continued on course. Shortly after I was going uphill, and encountered Hugh Murray and his two concubines that had turned back, citing some back pains. (He did his back in. What activity? I cannot verify!) Despite my late start, I turned out to be in the middle of the pack, as what I think might have been the second check lead some people astray. Being the middle class of the pack whimp I am, I cannot comment further on Checks. However, I can report on cuts. Not short cuts, but cuts to the flesh. I, as well as others, encounter annoying thorns, branches and tree trunks that scratched us throughout the run. (I did not discover a rather nasty guy until after I had changed clothes, into my classy Sarong, much later on.)
One most horrid and dominate part of the run were the sloshing, muddy, and seemingly endless streams we were to “run” in. It, in reflection, perhaps was about a third of the run. I don’t know how the Hares expected people to “run” in the stream during a “run”. If it were any consultation, toward the end of the run, there was a nice gushing small waterfall to refresh ourselves in! The home stretch was a gentle run on a road back to the parking site.
CIRCLE
An English man was recounting his French Skiing Holiday that ended in a hospital on the final night, in a silly accident. This was to account for his blackened right eye. I was subjected to this story for a few minutes. I seemed like a tall story to cover up some reckless on a staircase at home!
A Belgian look-alike (German Arnie) was punished for using a Notebook before the Hash run. He state he was only “off loading” data, not “downloading” porn.
Uncle Looi was punished for scratching his balls, and was identified as the oldest in the group. “Guniness” Khoo was identified as the second oldest.
ON-ON DINNER
The On-On Dinner was held at the PJ Seafood Restaurant near the Hash Run.Before dinner began a questionnaire was circulated at each table for a competition. “Ang-pow” was given out for a lucky draw.Dinner was about RM15 per head, consisting of many Chinese Dishes. The dinner began with the traditional “Yee Sang”, mixing a plate of colored preserves (shredded vegetables) and raw fish with some sweet sauce. Suckling Pig was another feature of the dinner.During a Dinner circle, Salim and a fine, tall, Englishman were welcomed back
to Petaling Hash after some long time of absence.
Lucky draw began sometime later. Lastly a Chinese Party game involving a Lion Dance and a sausage with two small lemons around in male “fruit bowl” configuration were enjoyed by all.
TRIPLE ON
I went back home as instructed in the Hare’s directions!
Venue : Taman Melawati
Hare : Yap Bernard Chik Tin
Co-Hare :
Scribe : Colin Shepherd
Venue: Port Dickson
Hares: Jimmy Legman, Robin Hood Cox, Dave Wilson
Scribe: Gary Murrell
A lot of the regular Saturday bashers were not in attendance either because of the distance, the cost of petrol, the cost of the meal, the cost of the accommodation, or they just missed their mum and went overseas to celebrate Xmas/ New Year with them.
The run was set in Palm and Rubber about 200kms from KL down in the Port Dickson country side and was eventful to say the least.
The hares claimed that they had only done two recce’s was probably true, judging by the comments during and after the run.
The run was believed to have been mainly organized by Mr. Jimmy Leg opener and his trusty GPS which somehow came unstuck or the battery went flat just after the beginning of the run and then mid way thru it…..
After the off at 16.30, thru palm estate with good tracks, and across a narrow plank bridge over what was judged to be the cleanest stream seen so far in Malaysia. Runners were all called back, as they had somehow managed to locate the home trail, and were within 5 minutes of returning to the wagon. [Young Jimmy did say it was a short run, but 10 minutes was a bit short]
F.U No 1 [there were a couple more] Pack eventually called off to the left thru young palm and another check, had to have been at least 500 metres to the paper, down a ridge past a farm house of some sort, with RAMBO seen leading the way, and explaining to all who would listen, that the hares had, through some amazing piece of trail laying ability, actually screwed up, difficult to believe, going by the wealth of experience amongst the three hares, that were laying the paper, eventually this trail led us thru rubber over a ridge and down to a barbed wire gate that was easily opened, but hashers were threading their way between the strands, risking the odd prick here and there, as Harriettes do. With the gate open it was across the road and thru another tall gate that was soon opened as it was a danger to the family jewels by those that attempted the climb.
From then on it was thru the palm for a half Kilometer or so and we found ourselves in amongst swampy ground that offered no obvious exit to the home trail, [although there was a lot of recce paper about ] with the pack scratching about for the best part of 20 minutes or so some person relayed the paper back to the in trail and called On On and so we all trooped back down the in trail and through the two gates and the palm and then back into the rubber where Tony Campen had been seen an hour earlier heading for home through the edge of the rubber estate.
While we were heading for home we came upon two hares heading out into the palm [Jimmy Legless and Dave Wilson ] hoping to recover some of the stragglers from the remains of their run. At about the point that the run suffered its first F.U we came across Jimmy the Legend’s car, the hares having been too exhausted to walk the trail in. At Jimmy’s car, the paper was laid to the right, but there was nothing to indicate the trail really went left [except common sense]Most hashers went right and came all the way home on the out trail, a number of the smarter ones [dumber] followed the trail to the left alongside the fence back to the wagon.
Most of the conversations were to do with the post mortem of the run, with Robin the Hood denying he was involved with setting the trail and only laid paper where told to.
Mia Hercus [a.k.a. The Bitch, Madam Lash, Nympho + Cherry Blossom] was seen trying to add a young goat to her family zoo of 4 boys, 4 dogs, 3 cats, 5 birds, 2 sheep, 10 fish, a tortoise, a horse, and a hare, In spite of her usual speed she couldn’t catch the black kid, and did a smart u turn when she spied the owner eyeballing her attempted ‘kid-napping ‘
After the run it was back to the hotel for the cleanup and the circle before hoeing into the Xmas Dinner.
One person told me that the food was ‘all right’ and nothing special and most went to bed early except for a few who kicked on until about 2am….
However another couple said:-that the Dinner was really GREAT, a very jolly Christmas atmosphere, with a good spread of food, roast turkey and cold cuts. Wine was plentiful and free flowing.
There is no pleasing everybody and if you get 51% of them reasonably satisfied then you are on a winner
Much appreciation should go to Ron, Candy and Amelia and the committee for their efforts in making this annual Xmas dinner a success.
Some of the charges that were noted are as follows:-
Chug [SLEEPWALKER] for keeping all three rooms to himself, obviously sleep walks and like a bit of space to do it in.
Yoong Neem Chee apparently was attacked from the rear on the way to PD and either him or his car required medical attention.
Ursula [‘BATTERIES INCLUDED’] for pushing the children aside to get to Santa Claus first, looking for a bigger Vibbbbbbo-rat-orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz than the one she was given by Santa Claus last Wednesday. Be careful as they will chip your teeth if you use them wrongly.
Jackie [HEAD HUNTER] Broak and Dave [JUNGLE JIM] Pendlebury were in trouble for smooching at the table, but was there any truth to the story that Jackie disappeared under the table looking for the turkey neck.?
Carlo gave a fine demonstration of how the hares had indiscriminately laid the trail paper and the recce paper in all directions and deserved the TOILET SEAT for screwing up what had the potential to be a reasonable run.
Candy was seen being helped thru her window by an unnamed Hasher, the truth was that Candy was feeling lonely and went out hunting and managed to drag some helpless drunken male hasher off the street and through her widow. She tried to say that she was locked out of her room, but she really had the keys in her pocket and was eloping, but she got it wrong.
On On
Venue : Bangi
Hare : Garry Murrel
Before the run started, the GM announced that there would be 2 runs, one short one and one long one. The runs would split about 1/3 way with the short run in yellow paper while the long run in white. It was expected for the first runner in at 1 hr 30 mins for the long run.
We started on white at 4.30pm. Off we went, hashers and dogs. After 15 mins of walking, 1st check call was heard and on on was left up a small hill and swing right. The dog was running up and down the trail and the witch shouted “whose dog is this??” and Italian Mike responded “mine!!” The 2nd check was heard and broken easily. Then it was running and walking along the stream then we went up left on secondary jungle most of the way into oil palm. 3rd check was heard and yours truly saw some hashers checking down the hill. The check was broken and the run split into two with the long run going right while the short run going left. Yours truly took the short run. On On was replaced with Yoke Lin Yoke Lin down the hill. Les was demanding Yoke Lin to bring him a beer from the fridge…… in the middle of no where?? We went through shiggy and up on yellow paper on the right. More secondary jungle and then oil palm. Roelof was doing a good job holding the horn and before we knew it, we were home. The short run was too short lah. Yours truly took only 1 hr 5 mins walking all the way. But how come the first runner in on the long run took 1 hour only. Was that a long run? I wonder. The Bomoh said there weren’t any 2 runs, just muddy run and sliding run. Even though the runs were short, one Philipino guest managed to get lost. Back at the runsite, we had a welcome back surprise of Hari Raya cakes and goodies, compliments from Ramli.
On on was held in Dengkil and a sumptuous meal was served at RM135.00 per table. As we had only 8 on our table, it worked out to be RM17.00 per head which some of us thought was too much. After a protest with the assistant by the Mat Salleh celup, the hare has kindly foot the difference and we paid RM14.00 each. As we were leaving the restaurant at about 10.00pm, the hare and his co hare arrived and the Philipino guest was lost and found. Thank you hares for an enjoyable afternoon in the woods. I think triple on was at the Tatler’s by the kind invitation of the Hash Shag.
Venue : Kuang Fish Ponds
Hare : Yoong Choy Kwan
Co-Hare : Chicken Head
Scribe : Michael Howarth
The trail was laid initially through the palm oil and ran back through the farms and along the side of the river. One nasty back check half way up the hill in the palm oil plantation l ensured the front runners were delayed by the regulation 10-15 minutes.
Yoong Choy Kwan decided that she would set a run which would live up to her name, a group of about 100 hashers set out from the usual Kuang run site on a beautiful KL day. One check later, the pack was picking its way down a muddy trail through the palm oil valleys
The circle was conducted in the car park by Nan, later after dinner Mei was given the hash name Hi Darling which was the start of a text message she was sending whilst the GM was conducting hash business. .
Patsie was down downed for waking up the night before in bed with Jimmy and not knowing where she was. She later explained she was not in her usual position whatever that means!!!!
Other offenders were down downed for splashing their boots on the run and a visitor from India was initiated into the ways of Petaling