Venue : Elmina/Kundang Estate [Guthrie Corridor By-pass]
Hare : Phillip Doyle
Co-Hare : Les Collins
Scribe : Dennis Chin
THERE ARE TOO MANY DOGS AND BITCHES ON PETALING HASH.
To the former, either your humans are on leashes or they are ban from running with the PH3. Do you happen to know that there is this K9 Hash down South, run by our beloved Dave ‘Madame Butterfly’ Settegren? Perhaps you may want to take your humans down to Kiasu land and let them roam free on K9H3 evenings.
To the latter, there has not been so much bitching in Petaling Hash for quite sometime now. The previous week’s Rambo assisted run was deem f…king too long [0220hrs first runner in], and this week’s Doyle abomination was too f..king short with first in within 45 minutes. The amount of bitching at the run site was loud and clear. More so from non-starters who were as always bitching and giving their two-cents worth of expertise assessment and opinion on how a run is to be set. It never fails to intrigue me how these so claimed hashers can come to the Hash and hang around the beer wagon and not run but try to look pretty. These are but the loudest and obnoxious critiques of the evening.
This evening was the AGM run that was not to be because some individuals wanted to attend the St Patrick’s Ball. So they postpone the AGM to the following week. I do hope the new 2004 Management does not allow such precedent of unrelated Hash events superceding our PH3 calendar-gazette activities. One of the original reasons why PH3 runs start at 0430pm was to allow members time to rush home after the run to attend their pre-engagement social evening. The directions to the run site was wanting with quite a few members driving to Kundang Lake and to Elimina Estate football field, truly Elaine Leong what were you thinking? We were parked under this shade of a two-lane fly-over as it was a very hot afternoon. Early birds in the Mozers the Germans and Mei was relaxing in their arm chairs when the Highway workers chased them away as road sweeping was in progress on their side of the Highway. We were told to park on one side of the Highway, very reasonable. We had a very strong turn out at the start of the run even with a few of our self-righteousness away at the private Ball. We had with us this evening a distinguish Danish old gentleman, daddy-o of Charlotte ‘Plastered’, who was guest. He was amused at this bunch of mentally challenged Hashers running in this hot weather and parking on an incomplete Highway.
On on was called at 0433pm, and the multitude charged towards the oil palm tree line to be away from the scorching sun, who but Opera Cheong was walking beside me at the start, he didn’t look too well, has been down with a stubborn flu bug that has KOed him. Checking was called to the left on top of the hill, Wolfgang signaled to us that papers was found to the right, looks like a circular. But the call of on on was from the left, not wanting to be caught out the back runners followed Wolfgang. Who but Osama the Ozzie and Christie was bringing up the rear, Osama checked across the ditch to the right, and Hanifah Yoong with his dogs proclaimed that this is his running area. And that was about the last time we saw the both of them. Paper took us on a hugh left lobe, what we realised much later that that the papers found by Wolfgang at the very start were the in-trail papers. The Hare placed the home trail way too close to the out trail; the in-trail papers truly caught out Wolfgang, Guinness Khoo, Raymond and yours truly. However mid way through the run, met up with the pack heading towards our direction. Turning around ran along with the main pack and 40 minutes later we were within sight of our cars. We suspected that we must have missed out a couple of checks and lobes, as the paper trails were too close to each other thus FROPs missed out on a couple of checks and lobes. I was back at the wagon within 55 minutes; Thomas and Alex raced in to the run a second time around. Being such a short run, hashers were bitching about the Hare’s effort and their own screw up. It was such a hot and humid evening, and we wanted a short run, but definitely not that short of a run. Absorbed a couple of 100Plus into the body, and time to yarn and cool off. The local ice cream peddler did roaring business with theHash children and their mothers, Mei Mei and Irene Chin were buying us ice cream. Taught the Arnie the German Kwai Loh what ice cream burger [roti ice cream] is.
Shower time, and the old Danish gentleman seated in his portable armchair was enjoying the numerous views of showering female hashers. He has assured us of coming back to PH3 to join us in the near future. Do not know about the running part, but definitely for the showering bit.
As my driver lift had a pre engagement, we did not go to the on on at Fatt Kee Restaurant at Rahman Putra, we understand there were about 5 tables of hashers. Thank you Phillip Doyle and Les Collins who are stand in hares. Why is it so? With 190 members and a designated hare-line with three months notice, we have members who resign at the last moment and /or who are out of the country during the week they are to set the run. Thence leaving the hare-line ‘vacant’. Such unhealthy practices must be addressed seriously by the new Management.
Venue : Saujana Utama – Sg. Bulloh Country Homes
Hare : Norlaily Buniyamin
Co-Hare : Richard Foyston
Scribe : Arne Tjadin
Guess I owe you guys this one scribe report that I really don't like to do.
Why? Got so pissed off with that On-On that I just don't like to remember! Well, what happened then. Just accessing that remote run site in SBCH was a pain. Can someone change the frequency of green light at that stupid police/BP station? Took well over an hour to find the entrance to SBCH and one realized to late that access may be possible from Bukit Subang / Monterez, eventually! Rushing and following the handwritten signs a bunch of hashers got lost at the entrance of SBCH by turning right towards the place that later turned out to be the most annoying On-On of the week. Never mind ...
Started the run with 2 dogs, Patsy, Jimmy and a few guests about 30min late. Well known palm oil plantation that made us following our own trail in order to meet some FROPS. Got really mistaken here as we followed some remote horns which led to a nice walk of 3hours. We figured later that Guinness did not respond to our calls even though he saw us searching for the trail, you B*%$#. Back just before dawn a big crowd enjoyed the beer and the finish of a run that according to most was set nicely with some scenic spots and checks. The Moser family couldn't wait for the flowers and helped themselves, and so did Maya by feeding her dog with roses! On-Down for all of them and I guess everyone else as the circle did not seem to finish. Singles, couples, dogs and kids finished the beer and roses and rushed off to fill that rumbling stomach on Valentines Day!
If the hare would have spent as much effort as for the run this could have been a very nice day out in SBCH, well, the Flagz was open and surprise, surprise, a few hashers decided to get there dinner here.
I heard the run was rated an On-Down, but could have been a T-Shirt according to some. Don't know the cause as the On-On does not count!
Good Run, cheers
Venue : Vicinity of Ulu Yam Lama
Hare : Dennis CHIN
Co-Hare : PARANG MOB
Scribe : Hornblower
Well the PARANG MOB seem to have the PH3 Toilet Seat attached to their back-sides with super-glue.
Not excepting run #1392 at Kerling on 15th November last year (The Parang Mob’s last outing) which was one of the worst PH3 runs I’ve done, this was another seriously poor effort and deserved its toilet seat.
The run site was awful – hardly enough parking for the less than half strength turn-out that we had. In addition, it was in the middle of some of the most mosquito infested rubber it’s ever been my misfortune to visit. Experienced hares should know better. The assembled runners were scratching themselves like a pack of dogs with fleas within minutes of alighting from their cars. Some bright spark (Ramli?) actually lit a smoky fire to give some relief from the swarms of mossies.
The pack was reduced to about 50, including perhaps 10 guests, as most of the club was attending the memorial service for Patrick Coyle. Yours truly stood in as acting GM and Shan (without even being asked) took up his old post as COMIC to close the checks. A dignified and sad minutes silence for Patrick was held and On On was called at bout 4.33 pm.
The run itself had commenced thru rubber and to be fair had some very beautiful trails. Had the hares just stuck to connecting those sections together by the shortest available route, this might have been an excellent run.
Instead, we had the another routine of endless, pointless detours to take in every available 60 deg slope in the area, with as much un-runnable secondary jungle and shiggy as possible. What we ended up with was two standard PH3 runs cobbled together somewhere in the middle. I was brought up short by a nice sharp rotan hooked in my ear, to add to one on my arm which did not improve my enjoyment of this masochists marathon at all.
Luckily for all concerned, it did not rain. Many of the slopes were already made slippy enough despite dry conditions less than half a normal pack. The slopes were pathless, too many and too steep.
First runner I believe was back around 6.50 pm for the 2 hr 20 mark. Pack straggled in around 7.15-7.30 pm for another 3 hour half marathon. Fortunately, no-one got lost and in the hares defence they are to be commended for sending a sweeper around after the pack. Had this not been done, at least one un-breakable check would have detained the pack for another 15 mins or more and I think this (a sweeper) should become standard practise for the club. Since at least one of the hares knows that he has to go round again, it might curb some of the worst excesses of over-long runs AND save Amelia a night or two out in the jungle.
Faced with the disapproval of the pack the Parang Mob were again totally unrepentant and instead moaned that the sub-strength pack had made a pathetic effort. These guys just seem to be losing the plot. No-one I spoke to enjoyed this run and a number of people remarked that they would not expect to see any of the visitors (and perhaps one or two of the regular members) back again. The run, at a guess, included at least 750 metres of inclines – whereas our guidelines for a good run are NOT MORE THAN 200-300 metres of inlcine, max. There was too much climbing, too much un-runnable terrain and it was just TOO BLOODY LONG!!! The Parang Mob might think it’s a joke, but the pack do not want to be used as guinea pigs for the hash challenge. Wake up, guys!
Given the late hour and aching bones, no circle was held at the run-site and we decamped to the old Lucky Light restaurant at 8.00 pm where a surprising 4 tables + one of kids descended for some seriously good food. After a short circle, proceedings wrapped up at 10.00 pm and the weary souls wended their way home.
In case the Parang MOB think I’m being too hard on them, I reproduce below excerpts from scribe report #1392…
***
Oh! Oh! Oh NO, the nightmare began (unknown to us still then) … the rain came drizzling down and eventually pouring onto us. Slowly, slowly we went up track on this giant hill that seems to be endless. The rain certainly did not make things easy. Hashers were seen climbing on all fours, plough to the surface of the earth, grabbing onto whatever they could get hold of… roots, branches, thorns, earth (very desperate-lah), twigs, to proceed upwards and prevent from slipping. Here at this point, the true colours of hashers came out…what the f…, “teu na ma…” , mad-lah and so forth. The four letter word in various languages and dialects were heard all the way up… It’s getting dark.
Finally, when we came out of the hill… we could not see anything … Blindly we found our way down, sliding most of the way among the slippery path and home. First runner in was 2 hours 15 min. Most of the pack were out by 7.30pm. However there were still some poor souls inside. .. The GM decide to call the circle off, while two co-hares lead the lucky ones who were out to dinner…
By 9.30pm… we got a phone call to say 7 hashers were out at Kuala Kubu town or something like that. The usual tradition of on downs were called off too. When we left after dinner, apparently, Emilia, Saru and Stephenie were still in there. Finally, a check the next morning found that they came out about 2.30am. What a night!
***
The Parang Mob used to be synonymous with T shirt and Medal runs through beautiful, unspoilt running country – nearly always with some crystal clear streams and waterfalls – in fact the best that Klang Valley hashing has to offer. What has gone wrong?
Venue : Off the Old Bentong Gombak Road
Hare : David Connolly
Co-Hare : Patrick Russell
Scribe : Fuckawee
A LAZY SCRIBE REPORT
Please tick the correct answer
1) The hare and co-hare for run 1406 were
a) David Connolly & Patrick Russel c) Hanifa and his two dogs
b) Helen Brooks & Yaso Buttercup d) Norlaily and her horse
2) Why did the hares shift the parking area nearer at the last minute?
a) To save petrol c) To make the home run longer than Rambo"s run
b) The bridge collapes d) Ramlee refuse to drive the beer truck any further
3) How many check are there in the run?
a) 8 c) 5
b) 3 d) How the "f" would I know, the paper was already join by the time
I got to the check
4) Who broke the 1st check?
a) Alex Yoong c) Guiness Khoo
b) Roger Gregson d) How the '"f" would I know, the check was already broken
by the time I reach there
5) We run through....
a) jungle path c) rapids with fallen trees e) all of the above
b) fruit orchard d) waterfalls
6) In local 'Malay dialect' the run was generaly considered:
a) " FUYOO BEST" c) "TARAK BAGUS"
b) "OKEY LAH" d) " # * ? %
7) The run was judge as a
a) good run c) a medal
b) t'shirt d) toilet seat
8) The "on on" was at a
a) Chinese restaurant c) TGIF
b) Mamak teh tarek stall d) on site 'on on'
9) At the 'on on' the hashers were serve
a) Lemon Chicken c) steam Fish
b) Sweet & Sour Pork d) the same ole 'Kwai Loh' food
10) In not more than 30 word describe why you like to run with ' Petaling Hash'
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Send the answers to our Grandmistres the lucky winners can win:-
3rd prize - one night with Norlaily
2nd prize - two nights with Norlaily
1st prize - two night with Norlaily & 1 night with her horse
Venue : Nambi Estate
Hare : Abraham KLOK
Co-Hare : Kana B & Don C.
Scribe : Hornblower
The hares stepped in at short notice to fill a hareline hole (which is quite different from a hareline crack) and the venue was declared to be Nambi Estate. Since Abraham set a JHHH run here 3 weeks ago, your correspondent’s expectations of a good run were a bit on the low side. However, low expectations are easily surpassed and this turned out to be a good run.
Nambi Estate was “discovered” for PH3 by Patrick Clews in about 1996/97 with a Medal Run and has rightly been a very popular venue ever since. However, the estate has been devastated by clearing all the rubber presumably to replant as oil palm, and the operations of sand-miners have blighted the riverside and the track in.
Whatever, we dragged ourselves thru the traffic and managed to get to the run-site on time to find a substantially smaller than usual crowd, under 100, which was mostly put down the swollen condition of the St David’s testicle, enlarged by the twinkle toes of PH3 hashers traipsing around the Mutiara ball room room.
As one often finds, a slightly smaller pack did the run itself no harm at all. I was expecting the JHHH run + a bit, but it was better than that. On On was called about 4.35 on my watch and off we went.
The run took us south west into unexplored quarters of this vast estate, looped around a bit in a counter clock-wise direction and eventually (inevitably) came back to the river. There were several checks including a cunning circular that helped to keep the pack together a bit. There was plenty of paper. There seemed to be a shortage of horns, altho’ the bugle got a good clearing of the tubes.
By and by we exited mature oil palm and entered into semi-abandoned rubber, which can be quite heavy going, but the path was well cleared. A bit of up and down, Knut as usual coming round in the wrong direction indicating that we were more than half way and then back down thru a gully and a short shaggy section into the crystal clear river, which as any fule kno, lead back to the run site. With two shoes already full of sand, I short cut (or long cut) here along the river side because a km+ on a sandy river bottom is very slow going.
I got back to the run-site at 6.00 pm on the dot. I assume front runner was 15 mins in front. I must have short cut because Castleman J who was with me at the river took another 20 mins to turn up.
All in all, a good run with unexpected vistas of an area I thought I knew very well. Unusually for an Klok effort, it was not an overlong dry-run for a the worst section of the hash challenge. Front runner must’ve been back in 1hr 15 or so. Most of the pack were in by 6.15, so there was plenty of time to sit around, enjoy a cigar and shoot the breeze, and a pleasant time it was too - although for some reason Amelia was giving me the evil eye. What have I done, oh sweet one?
Stand-in GM Dave ‘heart-breaker’ Wilson ran the circle, ably assisted by Mothersheep Murray. Just for a nice change, we had a ‘square’ instead of a ‘circle’. An interesting geometric note is that a ‘square’ is much shorter and more to the point than a ‘circle’. As you know, geometrically speaking, circles have no point. I have been on runs this year (quite long runs, actually) where total circle time (run site + restaurant) has somewhat exceeded total running time – which is to say slightly over 2 hours. I kid you not. Maybe we should rename the club the Petaling Rotary as there too often seems to be more emphasis on the circle than the run.
There were a couple sinners, and a couple of announcements INCLUDING THAT THERE WILL BE A VOTE AT THE AGM ON RETAINING THE NEWSLETTER (or not). {and only if you are paid up with your subs – we look after the money first}So exercise your democratic prerogative – and there’s an offer you don’t get in Malaysia every day!
On-On was five tables at Lot Fatt Fatt near Ulu Yam. The hares kindly sponsored 2 bottles per table and food was good, with plenty of MSG, but served really too late at 9.00 pm and this restaurant is a bit too barn-like to keep in the On On atmosphere – which was a bit subdued.
With the late makan it was almost 10pm before we got round to the awards ceremony. 4 virgins / visitors were on-downed and the hares were duly awarded a T-shirt for their efforts – making this I think the 4th consecutive T shirt run in a row – a bit of a purple patch for Petaling. As I was leaving Abraham was launching into Father Abraham….
The smaller packs which coincide with events like St David’s Ball often make for good runs and you should try not to miss them.
Thanks to the hares.