Venue : Elmvile Golf Course
Hare : David Wilson
Co-Hare : Paul Kirkman
Scribe : Timothy Raj
Hot,hot,hot, that’s all I could think when we got to the runsite. Parked at the runsite, lot’s of place at what looked like some Inca ruins, abandoned golf club project actually. No ominous hills in sight looked like a ‘flat run’. Thought to myself bastards are going to sprinting all over the place and come out quickly and finish the beers while ‘walkers’ like myself are going to miss the fun at the circle.
Run into the first check with pretty much all the others with Oprah running off in two or three directions (I swear there were more than one of him) or maybe I was just so slow he was his customary ‘appearing and reappearing self’. We finally broke the check and went merrily on our way into palm and promptly ran into another check.
This time ‘three’ Oprahs’ took us all into different directions and the group basically split into two with myself and about thirty others merrily running not on paper with ‘the blind leading the blind’ believe. We finally converged with the main group half hour into the run (who were faithful to paper) amidst swearing of “eh you short cut ahhh” “short cut bastards” (mumbled a little more under the breath) ‘”not fair” and more “you short cut lahhh”.
Reached the point where I was pretty much alone on some seriously eroded and ‘raped’ clearing. With some runners at the back I decided to ‘short cut’ again to avoid a downhill followed by uphill. Ended up with this ‘blind man’ leading a group of not very observant of paper people into a gully of palms. Came out of this gully with some barely audible curses (directed at whom I wonder) into a ‘desert’ .Hot hot again. Evidence of this desert and it’s effects we soon ran into with ‘on on’ (Dave’s yellow Labrador) lying prone having collapsed of a heat stroke being attended to by two pretty nurses ‘Ben’ and Christina.
A few people decided to help with Maya, Chris Boyd, Knut and myself taking turns to carry ‘on on’. At one point the group decided to carry on to ‘go get help’ leaving Knut and myself to carry the poor beast. Having pretty much a problem carrying my own weight Knut and myself finally stopped at where we assumed Dave would be able to bring his truck. After a while of waiting we realised help was not coming in the form of motorised transport so we started agonising on whether to go off paper on what looked like a shorter route out and lo and behold ‘another’ Oprah turns up,(where do they get so many of them) to confirm the ‘shorter route out. He also succeeds in finding a large drum of water in which Knut single handedly carries and dips ‘on on’ in. Shortly after Dave and party arrive. Knut and myself use this’ short cut’ out with Murray leading us out.
Can’t confirm ‘On On’s current health but he was recovering then. (Ed’s Note, Unfortunately ON On died. It was later diagnosed as due to poisoning, and it is suspected that ON ON drank out of a puddle containing rat poison, which is frequently used in palm oil estates)
Some rumblings of ‘tunnel killed by back’ and “what if it rained and I drowned” were heard, though I avoided this tunnel in my ‘short cut’ back I think the run was nice and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Thanks to David and Paul. Run had a good mix of running and walking. Wasn’t able to find out the first runners time but estimate it to be about an hour 20 mins.
Circle consisted of the customary swearing and belittling of each other with particular venom directed at the ‘Yank’ GM during the introduction of guest ‘China girl’ from Atlanta. Gan and Laila having hashed all over the world for 22 years were finally signed up as Petaling Hash members, welcome to Gan and Laila,nice to have them around. Dave and ‘the dog rescuers were put up there too and accused of being ‘dog killers not knowing what to do’, still it was free beer, what the hell. Patrick the kid had two guests, was accused on focusing on ‘Japanese girls’ although by then I might have been too sloshed to remember accurately.
The on on was pretty much a blur as we followed ‘Yank’ GM merrily back to K.L before realising it was in Kajang.reached in time to lick some left over morsels with a the sounds of a rather loud ‘Filipino estate manager type’ standing up belittling his fellow Philipinos accusing them of being ‘queer’, insensitive dog eaters and lacking responsibility.
Hell of a way to spend a Saturday.
Venue : PUTRA LRT Station [Taman Jaya]
Hare : Don Cheang
Co-Hare : The 47th Merdeka Day Team
Scribe : David Wilson
We assembled outside the Petaling Jaya Magistrates Court – we were charged with loitering with intent and asked for 300 other charges to be taken into consideration. As a punishment we were given LRT tickets and told to go by train to Kelana Jaya and find our own way home.
Sao off we jolly well went to much amusement of the other passengers – we almost roped in two old ladies to join us on the run, when they saw the young studs of this hash (Peter Brooke and Richard Moss).
We piled out of the train at Kelana Jaya noted that we had dwindled in numbers as some members mistakenly (or was it on purpose?) got off at the wrong station. At last we spotted paper leading into someone’s back garden. After being shooed off by a very irate Indian gentleman having a surreptious cigarette in the privacy of his outdoor toilet, we headed cross-country wise through various housing estates, past the writer’s work place (Narrowly missing being spotted by his boss) and coming to a re-grouping point. Here we formed and “orderly” rabble and called on the celebrity of the day namely a certain Ahmed Rosely alias Fuckarwee.He was dressed in his finest hash gear and all set to go to his wedding party. He was given a rousing rendition of “I want to break free” by Queen, sung deplorably by the assembled hashers.Many thanks to the hospitality afforded us by the Rosely Household.
We then ambled off in the general direction of Petaling Jaya – getting particularly confused in the park by Taman Aman – I think it was a circulart check but I never saw the check paper only the pack coming towards me, looking at me as if I was a mad man! We then headed towards Taman Paramount where a number of hashers hopped on a train and traveled 2 stops back to the run site. By this time, already tired front runners, led by youthful Charles Lee, ran through Section 14 (Behind Cold Storage) and over the Federal Highway, back to the run site.
The On-ON was held at the Waikiki Bar in the Sybus Club just a short walk away.
CONCLUSION – A long “runners” run with checks that we were not able to join paper )as we were running on flour and chalk), cleverly set with many twistsand turns.Thanks to the hares for their ingenuity and especially for the bright “Merdeka Day” T-shirts
Venue : Seminyah Lake Country Home
Hare : Timothy Raj
Co-Hare : Reuben Lamack and Malliga Palaniapan
Scribe : dadahman
The omens were not good. First my 'newish' Jagung Jaguh, pride of the Malaysian motorcycle industry, dies on the way to Wong Ah Kow aka Rob Stott's house. Next in the car Ah Kow shocks me with news that subs are going up to RM160 (must be a competition I don't know about - FCOS - Front Club On Subscriptions. Mother, eat our dust!). I know aluminum siding is all the rage in the west so of course Ah Kow has some homemade aluminium siding on the inside of his jungle-mobile - with sharp edges. I manage to scrap off a good piece of skin from my knee coming out of his jeep. Then at the runsite, hash scalper Amelia relieves me of RM240 with only a measly 4 ringgit left in my wallet. No harriettes are going to follow me back home tonight (do they ever though?)
Good crowd at the run area. You must remember that Jo set a run here not too long ago so this will be a run where comments like "This looks familiar. Didn't Jo do a check here?" will become commonplace. Anyway we start out and soon through a fence in a wood yard. Away in the distance a tall hill beckoned. Now what's the betting that we'll go all the way up that hill. Pretty good I'd say. At the woodyard I walk by the twins-seperated-at-birth May and Ima. Interesting related topics being discussed like "what do you expect to come back as after you die" to "how to decorate the office cubicle". Also heard about Handsome Nick Bloy's upcoming penile reduction surgery. Soon after, just for the heck of it, we're trampling through some dense undergrowth in a swampy valley when I'm sure there's a perfectly good road nearby. Tumbling Bill is with me at this point, looking good with his new pacemaker. There's a check here and I make the right guess and am quite in front. Interesting place, first time I've seen old bandsaw blades used as fencing material. Soon we're at the hill mentioned before and it's uphill all the way through some rubber. Keeps going up and up and I come across Ms Jothi panting and resting halfway up. Oh how the mighty of the Sunday hash walking group have fallen. Most interesting quote heard for the day on that trail. A loud panting heard behind and someone quips "From the sound of the panting, I must be Colin". I'm in no mood to guess which.
At the top a check is broken forward. Again I'm lucky and soon we're going up and around the back of that hill to a ridge that's even higher up. Nice views. Peter B says "I know where we're now. We're near another runsite" and refuses to say more. In some cases a little info is worse than no info at all. Anyway it's scrambling up this higher ridge on all fours sometimes before coming out on the other side and scrambling down again, not far I'm sure where we came up this hill initially. Yes, a big circle up and round this hill. My nimble footness (you heard right!) allows me to gain on the crowd tumbling down the hill so again I'm making good progress. I'm behind Marlis part of the way. At a small gully with bolders, I decided to leap across the bolders, just at the moment when Marlis stops in the middle of the gully. Only my finely honed acrobatic instincts as a KL motorcycle rider allowed me to stop in mid leap without falling into the gully or taking the leap and landing on Marlis.
Soon we're at ground level and in a rubber estate where a pack dogs are having fun chasing harriettes around. Then comes a long long loop through some oil palm and other bits. At a grassy knoll under the pylons, Rambo prematurely calls a circular when there was none and me and Terry gain ground by following paper. Going on and on and on, it gets to the 'rubber legs' stage enjoyed only by hash challenge nitwits. Every time the lead member of a group crests a ridge comes the call "still no end in sight". I remember some talk about people who have died on hash runs "we had a guy struck by lightning in the New Territories" and " we lost two in Bangkok" et cetera. I come across Sir Richard wandering around on his own like some tuan besar of an estate in days long past. A loud groan when we go into rubber (cos we had parked in oil palm) but finally we do make it out back to the runsite. Sweet relief.
First runner out was Graham "Fat Bastard" Woods (Paul Smith made me say that - 'Fat Bastard', blame him) at 1hr 33min. Claims that they lost 3 minutes by taking a wrong turn at the end.. I thought he was being paid to say that by the hares but he was insistent on his innocence and that the story stand true. But anyway, long though it was, it was an enjoyable run so thank you Timothy. I know Reuben had set a short 45 min run before and is trying to compensate now by throwing in an extra half hour to make up.
Circle news. Memory fails me here but I do remember it came after the dog fights (leashes.. whatever happened to them?). Wolfgang got up and made a plea for somebody to come up and take over the organization of the hash challenge. He was given a loud ovation for his part of chief organiser of the HC for the past five? years. He wanted to commend Niel C for his support but of course that "Fat Bastard" having supped on his traditional diet of unhealthy haggis for the past year or so in Blighty was still wheezing his way round on the run.
The bomoh Terry took his HC teammate to task for John for not being conscious at the end of the HC, Colin King for not paying for his GPS, Peter B for just being himeslf on the run i.e. lecherous, Jimmy-Crack-Corn for wanting a bigger horn (with nice accompanying singing of the Appapa song by Roger), P Smith for critiquing the circle singing and some other stuff I'm sure I can't remember. As usual Terry was distracted at the end by one of his young female admirers but thats what you get for taking too much Viagra (not that it's noticable on him, but females can strangely sense those things). I think we got introduced to some new meat for the ladies, Stiff-One from Belgium and Klaus from Germany (after finally getting rid of some other 'damaged' German members). Also a new committee member and Marlis/Kwan came up for something plus a remand from the GM that one of the checks was set way beyond the 100m limit.
I didn't go to the on-on so nothing to report there. Got a wild ride with Ah Kow (and five beers) playing chicken with other road traffic back to my car and then the safety of my home. All in all a good day lah.
Venue : Bentong
Hare : Martial Turrel
Co-Hare : Fuckawee
Scribe : Terry Gardener
I don’t remember much of this run as I was absolutely ill with Flu and whatever other virus’s that were running through my alcohol system at the time, but I will give it my best shot.
Venue : Bentong
Hare : Martial Turrel
Co-Hare : Fuckawee
Scribe : Terry Gardener
I don’t remember much of this run as I was absolutely ill with Flu and whatever other virus’s that were running through my alcohol system at the time, but I will give it my best shot.
I remember a lot of people got there late as it was nearer Kuantan than KL, maybe we should have just gone on to Nenasi. I drove up in my new Hash wagon that day, nice and clean and shiney with a rather delightful harriet (Maureen) who is always promising to “Tune” my balls but never coming up with the goods, I still have on my h/p the message that she sent me “Yes a promise is a promise”, that was about 8 months ago, but ah never mind, one day, I guess I will just have to keep on dreaming . Anyway where was I ? Ah yes the run, I got there about 20 mins before the start in a lovely little run site that looked like we where on Mars, all red and featureless.
The run was started approximately 10mins late to allow other late hashers to get to the run site. I never actually did the run, so I cant really comment on it. I did however see the pack go out across a bridge and then down to the left of the dam, only to emerge on the other side of the dam about 1 hour + later, so I think I would be right in saying that it was a clockwise run. After they emerged from the side of the lake they then had to run across the ankle breaking rocks that made up the dam and back across the bridge and up to the welcoming sight of Ramlis beer wagon. I had taken a stroll up on to the dam with Arnie and we sat and watched the pack come over the dam before we decided to walk back to the wagon, on the way I was asked by ??????? for 50 ringit for which to purchase a bag full of Durian, I was promised the full return of my 50 ringit once she had got changed. Whilst walking up towards the beer wagon a goat had escaped from its owner and was running towards us trying to evade the owner and a few of the brave hashers who tried to capture it, however it met its match when it came up against the formidable champion goat catcher in the shape “Arnie The Hun”, who made just one lunge and had it by the neck. I can say that it was lucky he did not have his Wellington boots on or it would have been squelling louder than it did. So the captured goat was then handed back to its owner who looked like he was going to “Sacrifice” it there and then in font of everyone, he dragged it by the scruff of the neck a few yards before picking it up by its back legs and threw it across his shoulder. Further advancement toward the beer wagon revealed a gaggle of hashers led by none other but another german, Thomas Moser devouring Durian like a man possessed, you could see the demon look in his eyes and when he bit into the durian his eyes rolled over like a shark does in these National Geographic programs, no durian was safe when this man was around or anything else that even resembled or smelled like durian. The there was an injury on the run when Jodie cut her finger and was wandering around the run site looking for some pity. The pity came in the form of Julian who took out his kit and administered first aid to her finger, I’m pleased to say it was’nt her hole finger just the end of it, but it looked like a precision piece of surgery especially after a couple of Tigers.
I did not attend the On On due to my being unfit, but I am assured that it was different.
Venue : Ulu Tamu Hot Springs
Hare : Jenny Lee
Co-Hare : Adnam
Scribe : Brenda Ng’s Substitute – Tommy Chin
Ulu Tamu Hot Springs, Ulu Renning, what natural streams and cool forest, “…..I have no power, I make the rhythms of nature my power” said an ancient warrior. It’s a run set by a sweetish voiced ex-colleage (long time ago) of mine, Jenny Lee, with co-hare Osama Bin LADman and Rambo, the macho.
I can smell right from the start, it’s a particular someone’s macho trail even though his name, as an additional co-hare, was not published in the hash circular for this run. It starts with climbing up a hill. But if you are not clutching your heart yet, a coupla more panting exhaustive hills later, only then, he unfolds the real run into soft ground paths zig-zagging by the terraces. I’d guess that you don’t have to take a guess, who is the guy, ‘cos its obvious (for 14 reasons, 1 reason = 1km).
The first quarter of the run comprised of hill, hill, valley, hill, valley, more valley, more hill……..and thus two worlds were created from one. Same as, one Short Run of 7km and one Long Run of 14km, separating the pack in two.
In the second quarter, the forest found us. On a thick bamboo bush, a six footer green snake bit Mike on two his fingers. It was more like a shy sleeping snake resorted to attack him out of self-defense rather, as it was rudely awakened by our inconsiderate absent-minded hasher who grabbed it by accident (thinking it’s a piece of bamboo). That poor snake will never again show up. I heard some conversation followed, “ Quick. Suck the blood from your injured fingers and spit it out…..No-o, that’s only good in movies lah”. “No, suck, swallow, suck, swallow”. A band of good Samaritans hashers accompanied Mike all the way back and drove him, straight off to medical aid. Paul Smith was heard quipping his concern that Mike may faint along the way. Wow, what are hash buddies for, right?! Somewhere around the bamboo area here was the start of the long run option. The Hare wrote on a note stuck onto the bushes, for us to turn back if we choose Short Run. Most of us took the short run home. (Ed’s note – I think the scribe has been bitten by a snake – this happened two week s later different hare, different venue only common part is the co-hare rambo)
The long run was good for warm up towards the Hash Challenge. It was a very pleasant undulation all the way back. One may say, in short, the short run pack did miss a good long one. But that does not mean too, short is no good or only long ones are good. And now, I am still talking about the run, right? There is no point in creating gossips on harmless conversations as these, ok or not? “……for man has closed himself up, ‘til he sees all things thro’ narrow chinks of his cavern.” - William Blake
First 2 runners in, FROP, were Wolfgang Druba and Rob Stott in 1.5 hours. What happened to all the younger runners lah, Awan ?
Run Comments:-
Ron – I did not do it.
Paul Smith – Excellent, excellent, could have run faster . Lots of ice in his knee guard.
Emilia - went half hour in, half hour out. (a difficult climax).
Gary Murrel – Very good. T-Shirt. Directions and signage very good. Not many checks. Our buddy, back on holiday, GoodRun, should not be speaking in German in the run.
Gail – Good climbable hills.
Choo Nai Kong – Uphill down hill too many lah.
Chris Boyd – Good use of terrain. Parking site, good. Classic Saturday Run.
Well done, Jenny, Adnan and Rambo!! Made my day too. Enjoyable, interesting choice of jungle paths, good depth, great countryside. Missed ON ON, so could not scribe that.