Venue : Hulu Langat (Taman Agroteknologi Flatlands)
Hare : Paul Smith
Co-Hares : Barry and Dave
The run site on this day was much nicer than the last 10 weeks… Before the run start, I warned my son and his pal about Paul’s run…Just to prepare them that its going to b a long run. They didn’t seem to mind at all, in fact they said “wow its going to b a cool run.” Being kids they asked Uncle Peter about the run site.
We were surprised to see the hares fresh and clean. And we found out it was a live hare run. Terry in his wig ( he had a bad hair day) started the hares and then spent the next 10 minutes trying to stop the pack from taking off after the hares. Many threats of you’ll be on ice were called. Cheers of - Here’s Alex, he’ll be able to catch them.
Dave called ON ON to start the run and the pack took off without Terry. As usual I would wait for the fast pack to run ahead before I joined them.
The run was good, many uphills and downhills…..i was busy trying to catch up with the other pack when my son told me to wait for him….His pal, Aritz was far ahead of us.
I came in at 6.30pm to find out many of them r enjoying their cold drinks. Ramli knows what I want when he sees me – cold cincau drink – that’s what I need after the long run. Free t-shirts were given out to all who runs.
Circle
-) Saru ‘bakes’ a lovely cake for Terry with Khund helping her out.
-) Maya got herself a Medal for her run no 1464.
-) Dave was on ice due to starting the run instead of Terry
-) and lots of others on down
On-on
-) was at same as last time- sorry forgot the name
-) food the usuals. Nothing to write home about.
-) kids they sat on the kids table. One of the boys hv given new name to the restaurant-
‘No One Cares’- why this name???- they couldn’t be bother to cook the kids food. Kids got their food after the adults hv theirs.
Overall it was a fun day and enjoyable run.
We arrived at the run site by the lake in good time and were amazed to see the car parking area nearly full and Ramli already setting up shop. Obviously Kundang Lake is a popular run site and quite easy to get to.
In the absence of the GM, who was in Thailand seemingly attending to more important affairs, the run was started promptly at 4.30pm by Playboy Dave (PD). The trail first lead us across a ‘moonscape’ and deep “John Robertson” ditch before penetrating (no YK needed!) the palm oil estate.
It then meandered around for a bit before turning back to the first check. This allowed the ‘stragglers’ to short cut and catch up. A ‘falsie’ was found fairly quickly, followed by the main trail leading straight into the ‘heart’ of the estate. Was it a clockwise or anti-clockwise run? Impossible to tell.
At this time I was returning from the ‘falsie’ and so have absolutely no idea who broke this - or most of the other checks for that matter. And this raises the subject of the “calling” – which is a disgrace! On finding the new trail the FRB’s yell a quick “on-on” and then piss off as fast as they can to get as far ahead as possible. Consequently, the Comic has only a vague idea of the general direction to lay paper and has no chance of picking the proper route. FRB’s this is a team sport, so do please think of the ‘pack’ for a moment and allow us to find the trail and lay check paper. Also, the calling from the pack was (once again) virtually non-existent. Because of this I laid check paper all the way from the first to the second check, which was broken by the time I got there.
After this the run descended into chaos and I remember very little of several checks. I think number 3 (or 4?) was a circular to the right but there was considerable confusion and I was never able to locate the actual check. The next one was even worse and was in a wide-open area where groups of people could be seen scattered over a wide area. At one stage ‘on-on’ was called back, but the consensus was that this was a loop we had previously run. Then a second ‘on-on’ was called to the left, but this was in the middle of a trail. Do we go left or right? Then Father Abraham (FA) said he was wandering over the other side of a hill in front (why?) miles from the check and had found paper, so a third ‘on-on’ was called. Total chaos! Because of the distance, few followed and the hope was that he would loop back towards where other paper had been found. He didn’t! Thus, the various groups attempted to ‘cut the corner’ and at this stage no one but FA was on paper. This delay kept the pack together – apart from those who thought they knew better and wandered off in completely the wrong direction. More of this later. At this point, to complete the trail I must have laid over a kilometer of paper and it was everywhere!
Of course, FA reached the next check first, but he picked up all the paper and handed it to me. A dastardly thing to do because I was eventually down-downed for his terrible sin. A trail was found to the right, but it turned out to be a falsie and the home trail was to the left. This skirted the edge of the plantation that bounds that glittering monument to progress, the Guthrie Corridor. And so the front runners returned to the run site in almost exactly 90 minutes, but the consensus was that nobody had completed the full course and been to all the checks.
And so to the circle where a few ‘sinners’ were rewarded. The Bomoh (Jimmy) targeted Barry and John (the wanderers) for losing their way and struggling in 30 minutes or so behind the pack. John (again) and Chu were also ‘done’ for persistent lateness and Space Cadet for his birthday last Friday. I was also wrongly accused of having a birthday – or was it for allowing the middle of the run to degenerate into chaos? Les, Andrew and Alastair were then chastised for questioning their contribution to next week’s St George’s Day run (although non-members don’t pay!). Alastair also had to titillate the women by donning Hash boxer shorts, which admittedly were a bit tight! The Bomoh was then recognised for celebrating his return from his safari by wearing what can only be described as a pink condom. This won him the accolade of ‘poof of the week’ and I still don’t know why he was muttering about the size of the condoms over there. He certainly doesn’t need one that big so why get excited? Various people were then penalized for advertising their forthcoming runs including Neil Campbell (PHUK), Mo Man Tai (JB’s 1,888th), PD (Solstice). Saru and Ben were finally paraded for …… being Saru and Ben and looking sexy!
The ‘on-on’ was organized at the Garden World restaurant where we had a sumptuous feast of (I think) asparagus, veggie curry, meat (?), fish, chicken, sloppy noodles and fruit. All for the princely sum of RM 13 with RM 11 for the beer. Great value.
And so to the second circle, where the various guests, returnees (Neil) and virgins were rewarded, me too for picking up the check. John and Chai Ling were also done for the over-use of water. This lead on to the gripping climax of the evening when the run was judged – to be a toilet seat! This provoked bitter disappointment from the (male) hares who promptly “threw their toys out of the pram”. However, the middle of the run was total chaos and it is understood that almost nobody completed the whole trail on paper. It has to be recognized that they had kindly agreed to set the run at the last minute and no recces were done, although the run site is well known and the whole area is “GPS mapped”. Many thanks for your efforts.
At this point the bubble burst and it was then up to the Hash Shag to revive spirits with a joke.
Just for a change the triple-on was called at the Backyard.
Venue : Bukit Subang
Hare : Charles Lee
Co-Hare : Terry Gardener, Robin Cox
Scribe : Hugh Murray
This was supposed to be Angie Yoa’s run, however she is in Dubai with her hubby – or is she? Spotted at the previous weeks run, but not seen at this weeks run. Hareraiser has brilliant idea will get Colin King to set as he owes the club a 10-weeker – but he is on holiday (More of this later). Stand in hares volunteer in the form of Charles and Terry, they will go to Bukit Subang Estate and con Jimmy into joining them – bad news guys Jimmy’s gone to South Africa for the Pan-Africa Hash. (Even failed to meet the Committee Meeting as his plane was leaving at 2:00am or some other silly time. It’s OK because we gave him all the Actions.). Our two brave hares are up to it, but then on Friday evening Robin shows up after the Damansara H3. Run to announce the regular run area is now devoid of trees. Robin is co-opted as technical advisor.
Had phone calls from hares at 2:00pm advising that the traffic was very heavy, that it might be a good idea to delay the run, and “by the way we havenot reached the run site yet.” Suspect this means we do not want to get caught by the hares. Driving to the run site discovered that the directions were not good as major changes in the road layout associated with the Guthrie Corridor had resulted in the elimination of the key seyt f traffic lights where you turn off the Sungai Bulloh Road. Altogether this does not give good omen’s for the run to start.
A good size pack has assembled, early if anything, so after a brief advice to keep to the PH3 paper and that the FROPS can try and catch the hares, the run starts on time at 4:30pm. Dave Settergren’s the COMic, and leads from the front. Initial part of the run takes as a series of zig zags across the terraces and sets the tone for the day as the pack spreads across a 200-300m front, later described as like an advance from the first world war – luckily there was no shooting.
Having crossed a valley the paper goes up the next hill and we can hear the horn going into a circle (useful having the very first person in the pack carrying a horn –everybody else gets some warning of what is happening). No point in going up this hill will walk around the side and wait for the actual check to be called so that I can quickly run across the stream and find the paper – cunning little plan to make myself a FROP. Check is called and I scrabble across the stream to start a search, but what is this ON is being called backwards – surely not. But everybody is going in that directionso turn around. By the time I arrive, the COMic is there going “Whats happening? Wheres the paper?” Better go back to where I had been, by the time we get back the strollers, who have no intention of being anywhere near paper all day if the can help it have actually found the trail. So half a dozen go up the trail screaming “On On” but with little reaction from the main pack – never mind they will eventually realize the error of their ways.
The next check is at the top of another hill and on a ridge, as the second person to arrive here must go checking. No point in going forward along the ridge, as these hares would never make a check that easy. Therefore is it down to the left or down to the right. Suspect that we are probably going clockwise so opt for down right. And clear all the way to the bottom of the hill. Do not hear the ON called but just the horn, so know it was down left.
Decision is made not to go straight back upthe hill but to proceed along the valley and hope that the pack will come back over the ridge – I can always climb it a bit later. Slowly working my way back up the ridge when the paths are going in the direction of the pack, when the valley ends so must now go all the way to the top. Crest the ridge to meet Dave Settergren – What’s happening Dave?” “There is a check at the bootom of the hill.” Knowing the hares well I can quickly envisage the earlier conversation.
Terry and Robin to Charles. “Charles just run down the hill. Lay a check at the bottom, then come back up laying paper, we will wait up here for you.”
Sure enough Dave finds the paper and being unselfish proceeds back down to the check closing the paper. I go the other way. Fourth check was on the edge of the forest reserve and was quickly broken forward.
Fifth check is also on the edge of the forest reserve, unfortunately and this stage I make a minor miscalculation and proceed down and across a couple of ditches of stagnant water to look for paper. Unfortunately ON was called up and forward. Decide that there is no point in crossing the ditches. So will proceed along on my own route and try and catch up with the pack a bit later. This goes on a bit longer than intended as do not see a suitable trail back and as I can here the pack only 300-400m away there is no urgency. Unfortunately did not actually get back on paper until after the last check, so missed seeing the devastated open area, but heard the pack milling around.
It would appear that the hares got slightly disorientated on the home trail as we ended up one valley across from the run site and had to go over the ridge and across the three deep ditches – two without a bridge. First runner in was 1 hour 36 minutes, with most of the pack closely behind. Later on there followed a group of the walkers, who informed me that they were following me away from check 5 but that I went too quickly for them – that’s why I arrived home near the front of the pack girls. Last person in was Win san at about 7:45pm – could not get off the last circular check. As an untrusting person he carries his own car keys – unfortunately Irene came back with the pack and was therefore unable to get changed. Win San is it you think someone will steal your car or that Irene will just leave you if you get lost?
Circle commenced about 7:20pm and the ice is dutifully brought out, contrary to his earlier statement the Iceking is not on holiday and is attending the run. Paul Kirkman is summoned as Bomo and among others that were suitably on downed were those who had earlier insulted the Bomo’s wife for arriving on time for the run, Gail for frying Isaac’s 4x4. Dave S for arriving back in mid pack with the pathetic excuse that the dogs are tired. The hares for leaving plastic bags of paper at the checks, which the pack the ignored as it wasn’t raining.
A move was made to the restaurant where after a bit of delay the food arrived – Veggie curry, Deep Fried Fish, Omlette., Piggy ribs, more veggie, and another course I have forgotten. A word of advice to the pack, the GM does not eat fish or veggie, do not ask him why he is not eating these foods. Cost was RM 140 per table and beer at RM11-60 per bottle.
Once everyone had paid up, we had our virgins and guests up. The hares were thanked for a run and Colin King was given the toilet seat to wear. The GM decided it was not a 10 weeker, being the sole arbitrator as the front runner was between 1hour 30 and 1 hour 45.
Accusations from the floor included the GM for not carrying out all his duties – although I am not quite sure why as being the hare he cannot actually do all the duties, and I though the JM was really excellent!
Triple On was called at Back Yard did not attend but understand some people were still there at about 2:30am
ON ON
Hugh Murray (JM) for Colin Hercus who is in hospital with Dengue. Get well soon and look forward to seeing you back on the hash.
Venue Ulu Tamu Hot Springs
Hare Saru
Co-hare Chickenhead
Scribe Colin King
Something else I have been roped in for that I don’t seem to remember having any responsibility for but that’s hashing for you. Turned up to the hot springs venue with boy and dog, weather was fairly overcast as I recall. GM was present for one of his twilight runs before he was due to be booted into obscurity again at the forthcoming AGM. Before the run he called for your scribe to step forth and be accountable for something, unfortunately, the scribe not speaking Texan inbreed language could not quite make out the meaning of the babble of words, so just nodded and waited for the On On call.
The pack were sent off towards the hills and up. First check caused a bit of confusion but was eventually called on (which is good otherwise the run would not have been completed) and we went onwards and upwards. Cannot remember much about the run other than a check at the top of a hill. Clearly, this was to be broken down the hill and forwards, it was obvious. Brave Scribe and GM went right to the bottom of the hill where the paper was clearly going to be, working anti-clockwise around the hill to home. At the very bottom of the hill just as these brave fellows were about to find the paper and call On On, the cry came from the top of the sodding hill and back. Do these hares no what they are doing!?
GM, Scribe and loyal dog finally traverse our way back up the hill to find everyone has pissed off. Pick up the trail and continue bashing on. Eventually reach a river where the hare is waiting on the other side. But hang on, what’s this, isn’t that Roger with Saru? But Gordon was at the run site wasn’t he? What’s going on? Who’s baking the Saru’s Birthday cake? Will there be another tsunami? So many questions for one hash afternoon, the brain simply cannot cope.
Bloody great long road home after the river slog to eventually reach the bath area. As is customary at this site, the runners grab a beer or two, sit down in some stinky fart smelling hot water and wait to see which harriette gives us the best nipple outlining wet t-shirt demonstration. Unfortunately, Gail was injured so did not trust her healing back to the slippery steps to the festering pool. No clear winner this time, though Winstanley came close.
What did get the girls wet this time round was Mike ‘WhoreMonger’ Rickard. Mike upped his usual age limit for the hash ladies in order for them to qualify for his ride of a lifetime, well, in Mike’s case, ride of 1 min, as he gave the girls a sample of his thrusting technique using his 200cc throbbing machine. Most came off somewhat wobbly.
On downs in the circle done and dusted the hash moved onto the usual restorant though at this particular juncture, the boy got an upset stomach and I did not make it.
Good run, no idea what it got.
Wan King
Hare: Maya Hercus
Co-Hare: Colin Hercus
Runsite: Semenyih
Scribe: Sassy Saru
Maya Hercus, eh. Semenyih, hmmmm. We know that Maya is a hard-working Hare that will do the necessary recees but her choice of Co-Hare???? Well we all know what a lazy bugger he is. Semenyih as a runsite? Well we know good runs can be set in this area and since the new road has been completed the T.T. (transport time) is much less. What the hell……it’s better than sitting around the swimming pool trying to attract/attack young lads and is certainly better than baking yet another cake so I will do the run today. Besides the stupid former G.M. (Handsome Jimmy) has dumped the scribe job on me today. Load up the carriage and off I go.
Directions to the runsite were OK…..only because a lady was the Hare. Even though there was only one signboard it was very LARGE and properly placed even through Wan-King thought it was too far or too close to the turn. What to say – lah? He’s a man and you know how they are about driving directions. Parking at the runsite was somewhat limited but adequate for PHHH. Thank goodness Mr. Ramli was there early so we could partake of ice water because it was a hot and sticky day. Obviously the Co-Hare forgot to pray to the Gods of Hashing to provide cool weather. What to say – lah? He’s a man and you know how they are about remembering things (like my Mother’s cousin’s daughter-in-law’s birthday!!!!).
After some brief and meaningless instructions from the GM that only Paul Smith could understand we were set off at 4:33.14159 pm. I decided to stay with the front-runners today. It was down a track, up a slight hill, around a curve, carry on down some roads and into a creek. This is where I learned something about Front-Runners. They have a thing about getting their feet and socks wet. I think it is a sexual thing but it could just be another of those Men Things – you know what I mean – lah? Well the ladies do. At any rate, it was amazing that none of the Front Runners would venture into the water stream. Some went up the left side of the stream and some went up the right side of the stream. None went up the stream. I followed the bunch up the right side just to see what they were up to. They were scrambling around on both sides of the stream looking for paper because they knew it would come out sooner or later. And it did but it was on the left side of the stream. Those miserable bastards on the right side of the stream had to scramble down and cross the creek (in their dry shoes) and then scramble up the jungle on the other side to try and catch up with the pack which was dutifully on paper.
By the time I got to the top of the hill on the left side the Front Runners were long gone and it was the last time I was anywhere near the front of the pack.
I joined Kwan, Win Chew, Helen Brooks and a few others. We had a leisurely stroll up a series of grinding hills. It gave us a wonderful opportunity to gossip about the important things in the world like food, knitting and the size of men’s ……….. dry shoes. However, we were able to keep up with the pack due to some cunning checks. We could hear Charles Lee and others crying like a baby “ARE YOU???”. Hugh Murray was not there as he had blown his knee out and had to limp home. Arnie was very quiet today as he was up to 7:00 am having a party (to which I was not invited…hmp!!!!) and appeared to be suffering from SAP (severe alcohol poisoning). This grinding up the hill was through a bit of jungle and lots of rubber. The mozzies were taking their toll on us Lovely Ladies but the men……..well, they seem to be immune to the mozzies for some reason. Probably because they smell – know what I mean, Lah?
After about three checks we peaked out at the final big hill with Rambo continuing to complain about the run being too flat. Never mind him – the Himalaya Mountains would be too flat for that bugger. Now it was down hill for a while and once again, as it often is, one of the Fairer Sex came to the rescue. Charlotte with her exceptional eyesight was able to detect paper on a road far below us and immediately began the scramble down the hill. The Front Runners whom had been out bleating “ARE YOU” in desperation quickly followed her down. The crash she endured during her descent was a minor thing and she will heal quickly without complaint.
Having reached the road at the bottom it was good hard running on roads with a couple of more cunning checks to slow down and confuse the Front Runners – especially those of the male species – know what I mean, lah.
After seven checks the Front Runner came in at 1 hour 15 minutes. The first lady came in at 1 hour 20 minutes and it was not Chu Chu or Petae althought both wanted to claim credit for it. It was none other than new member Chinese Sue. Good job Sue…..if it hadn’t been for Front Running Rob Stott directing you down a false trail you would have been 1st in.
I will now share with you a trade secret of hashing. This was a good run….a darn good run (regardless of the useless Co-Hare). You can always tell if a run is going to be good by the number of times the Front Runners pass you. This is a true indication of how cunning the checks are. Those buggers will be off checking in the wrong direction and will pass you several times……but they are a stupid lot of men – know what I mean, Lah?
For example, if the Front Runners only pass you once or twice – then the checks were much too easy. If they pass you three or four times then it is a good run. It they pass you more than that – it is a darn good run. Today Graham Davidson passed me a five times. I kind of like that because he has a tight butt in those tight little short shorts. Mr. Contention (Paul Smith) passed me four times. I also like that because he runs half naked and it makes me a little excited to see a hot, sweaty and half naked man. John Lavelle passed me four times as well and I think he has darling legs. Chu Chu never passed me once. But what do you expect ……. She is a smart Front Running Lady – know what I mean Lah?
Eventually we all returned to the runsite in reasonable time. The Hare (bless her soul) was so cunning that most of the pack came in together. A few exceptions but never mind. Mr. Ramli had the soft drinks and beer chilled down and we began to partake in a reasonable but hasty manner. The weather must have cooled down because Lady Kuching (Cat – the new Assistant On Cash) had her headlights on beneath that tight wet yellow shirt. We began to shower and clean up in the almost normal manner but sometimes these men of the hash can be so bothersome. While our darling sister Helen Brooks was taking a shower a gaggle of men turned their chairs and attention to the wonderful view. This group was led by none other than Guinness who as you know used to be a bit of a rascal in the old days. I remember those days with much fondness. I am telling you true – that man used to be able to get a cherry out of the bottom of a tall glass with his tongue. These days he sells tickets to the other wankers for a bit of a peep show.
GM Terry called the circle to order and soon handed it over to Wan-King who was in good Bomoh form – as always. Those having private circles were dealt with harshly – cups of ice cold water. All sinners (and there were many) were punished. The list is too long and if you don’t know then you should have been there.
A couple of surprises:
The restaurant was the Seven Wonders which seems reasonable since the run had seven checks. It appears we have finally and properly trained the restaurant owners and staff. They now have Tiger beer and treat us with all the due respect a hash club is entitled to. They do put us upstairs away from all their other customers which seems reasonable. They have good portions which includes piggy……gads does Ron Brooks and Wan-King get off on piggy. I think there were 5 or 6 tables and seven dishes. We had to open a new and separate table for Virginia and Daniel due to crowded conditions. You know how big Virginia is. There was a table of two Indian families having a meal next to the hashers. When the GM started his business of the night and the singing began – they started gobbling down their food to get out of there. However, when it can time to swap shirts – well the Indian men began to eat more slowly.
In their infinite wisdom the Committee (or who ever decides these things) judged the run to be a Medal Run. Eat your heart out Colin Hercus.
All in all another great night for Petaling. Some of us adjourned to the Back Yard for the ON ON ON and well…………………you might say I got lucky but I think he did too. Sometimes a change in cheese is a good thing.
On On
Sassy Saru