Scribe Reports: February 2006 Archives

February 24, 2006

Run 1510 - 18th Feb 2006

Hare : Catherine Ooi
Co-Hare : Space Cadet
Adviser : Hardy Boy
Venue : Ampang Lookout Point
Comic : Ben
Occasion : Year of the Fire Dog 2006/Catherine Ooi Birthday

Being the penultimate day of the Malaysian Open your scribe tore himself away from KLGCC at 1525 just as the siren sounded to stop play due to thunder and lightening. With the run directions offering 3 alternatives he took the Cheras and Hulu Langaat route and after encountering a deluge apparently centred on Plaza Phoenix arrived at the run site to find the entrance closed with 53 hash cars having overfilled the available parking. Jothi appeared at this juncture furious with the appalling directions and reluctantly parked by the surau, changed and walked up the hill to the Lookout. That was the first of many vociferous complaints about the directions that seemed to set the tone for the rest of the evening.

The pack was eventually called to order and took to the trail at 1640. The trail led downwards through jungle to a first check, single filed through more jungle to a second and third check before returning upwards to the run site. As there was little opportunity to run on the trail Ramli had been dispatched down the hill to a part built road that allowed the hounds to finally stretch their legs on an entirely downhill stretch of maybe a mile or more. There were, however, at the run site some soft drinks and the less enthusiastic decided to stop here and drive down to the Beer Wagon.

Charles Lee was the FROP closely followed by a group of intrepid hashers who ran steadfastly up the hill to the absent beer wagon past an ardent group of Team Builders playing games under the team names of the National Car. The clapping and cheering from this group could have been an attempt to frighten away the dogs that appeared with the hashers, appreciation for the physical attributes of the intrepid Mat Sallehs or just self indulgence at turning up for their jamboree on a Saturday. They might also have been instrumental in the decree that alcohol was not to be consumed on the premises despite Ramli’s heroic effort at getting the Beer Wagon right to the highest point of the encampment.

The site itself was rather scenic – as we are led to believe the Johor Straights Causeway replacement bridge is to be, and about as useful. Apart from the Outward Bound section with permanent tents, braiis and amphitheatre there is also a lookout tower and a netted aviary – possibly the second biggest in Asia after the Bird Park in the Lake Gardens. However it hasn’t yet been stocked as the authorities are concerned about avian flu.

Not having been here for some years it was encouraging to see that the dreadful landfill site which had dominated the area in the last century is no longer visible. However given the chaotic situation and abysmal run courtesy of the protagonists, your scribe decided that his vote for Interhash ’08 will definitely not go to KL but most likely to Perth.

The pack and a few hangers on then decamped to the revised run site, directed off the main road by Robin Cox to the repositioned Beer Wagon on a road–under-construction in a cutting below the main road and at much reduced elevation from the proscribed run site. Here a 5 Kg Birthday Cake decorated with palm trees was placed on a beer crate. Hardy Boy and the Hare were summoned to cut the cake whilst the attendant throng burst into a spontaneous rendition of Happy Birthday. The splendid iced sponge cake was then distributed for consumption with Tiger, white wines, grappa or soft drinks according to taste. Meanwhile one of the hash dog pack attacked a local, inquisitive motorsiklist before Patrick managed to call it off.

Eventually our GM, who was said to be visiting from Phuket, called the circle to order and installed Hardy Boy, who was described as the Hare, on ice whilst calling on a Bomoh from “the North East”. Nick Morse was On Downed for calling a trip to Devon working before Ah Wan came in for holding a private conversation within the circle. Meanwhile the Sidiqi was taking its effect and Don Pharmond decided to assault the cutting in search of a group of rather fine harriettes viewing the circle from above. He had only just reached the summit when a second mountaineer decided to follow. This appeared to be a Bogbrush but your scribe could not be certain due to the failing light. On Cash Barry then wanted to make an announcement about Ice (or possibly unpaid subscriptions) and so was invited to sit on the ice for a while. As Valentine’s Day was still fresh in the mind Eileen and John Lavell were invited to sit together for a while to commemorate their particularly valiant celebrations of the day.

Michael and Tom were found to be ‘pushing from behind’ whilst Ah Wan and Ronnie became known as Tits Fore in some connection with Tunku Jefari’s over exuberant yachting excursion. More sinners were introduced as the Bomoh moved on and Colin along with Maya were invited into the circle for a libation whilst those attentive were taught that Terry in translation means Pansy resulting in a Down Down for our very own august GM. Ron Brookes was chastised for giving verbal abuse to the GM as Helen, the missus, was denounced for putting up with the verbal abuse constantly. At this stage a Lost property announcement was made and six chairs were brought into the circle. On Cash reappeared muttering about a Full Moon Hash to be quickly joined by the Pantomime Professionals – Paul it would seem had recently been promoting the art form in the USofA. Pandemonium was now breaking out in true Pantomime tradition, the Principle Boy wearing a skirt and the villain gradually growing horns whilst bum chilled on ice. Maybe there were actually more folk in the circle than around it. Former committee stalwart Nan, David (who was in the process of announcing a 6 month delay) and Charlotta, Jimmy Legitt with constant companion Patsy all seemed to fighting over the ice when YinFa came forward to settle the commotion with his very Islamic canine friends.

And so as directions to the OnOn had been printed and handed out earlier it fell to Charles Lee to make the closing announcement by directing the gaze of those remaining to the bright lights of Genting Highlands – apparently the venue designate for the KL bid for Interhash ’08 – clearly visible in the night sky.

Restoran Bao Kee was the scene of the OnOn which got underway at 2120 with six tables of hashers chomping into a meal that unusually started with fried rice and included 2 tofu dishes, some fish nuggets and chopped up chicken. All for 13 Ringitts. Chairs were then lined up for the down downs that again included the hare party. Hardy Boy was then joined by Maureen, as it appeared that it was also her birthday and if one birthday celebrant drinks then all birthday celebrants must drink. Peter Brooke was then invited to stand on a chair firstly for some misdemeanor leaving Janda Baik after a braii the previous Sunday and then again for senility. Paul Kirkman then introduced a rather shy and overwhelmed Alex to the chair for some reason to do with eating Maya’s sausages. at which point Gail was said to have pissed into the bottle – all rather confusing. Your scribe was then invited to the chair for a most enjoyable Down Down for having requested an edge piece of the 5KG birthday cake with Palm trees which apparently had rendered fewer such pieces for children. In those days Petaling was a mixed hash where there was neither circle nor kids although a few dogs did attend. Now that it has metamorphosed into a Family Hash one wonders how appropriate it was to introduce a circle to the proceedings with children and dogs in such abundance – especially when birthday cakes are around. John Roberts was selected as a Rolf Harris look alike to perform in his stead and then restoran owner Mario was invited to join is for a libation. By this time all the hares had departed so the judgement on the run was considered indefensively a toilet seat which Opera accepted as a look alike Space Cadet. There was some mention of him coharing 3 times over the next 3 months so hashers were advised to check the run details and plan accordingly.

Finally the visitors and returnees were welcomed to the proceedings. 4 visitors and Isaac, BogBrush and Terry were all entertained to a Down Down before the proceedings closed at 2300 and the Petaling hashers dispersed after another interesting Saturday outing.

Posted by onsec at 09:12 PM

February 14, 2006

Run 1509 - 11th Feb 2006

Hare : Richard Moss
Scribe: GM for Ted Parslow
Location: Bandar Technologi Kajang

The run started at 4;30 prompt with the GM Terry Gardener informing the gathered hashers that there are other hashes in the area and to stay on Petaling paper.

The pack set off into the oil palm and rubbish next to the run site and went left around the back of the factories bordering the runsite and then right down to the first check. This is as far as I can remember as I set off late and actually did Hulu Langats run as well as PH3’s, their checks were filled in with our paper and going all over the place with lots of loops and falsies, I could hear lots of Checking ! and ON! ON! But couldn’t distinguish them from PH3. I got back to find everybody showering with a healthy smile having stuffed their faces with pork that was very kindly supplied by the Hares via Bulls mobile kitchen.
I had taken my GPS with me as I was going to do a recce the next day for the AGM run, I was amazed to see that I had covered 14.9 kilometers, and people were asking me why I looked so miserable and tired.
The circle was started around 7:30 ish with an explanation, regarding the late start and finish of the previous weeks circle. The Bomoh in the rather slim shape of Wanking was called to bring people up to be punished for their sins, with the gay boys ( Mike Clark, Graham Davidson, etc,etc) being brought up for wearing the very latest in heart monitor technology, that according to the Bomoh tells them if they are still alive whilst masturbating each other. Nancy Kirkman got up Squawked and squeaked something about Birthday cakes and there were numerous others wanting to bring charges but the circle had to be brought to a close as the Chinese had very kindle arranged a fire work display and we needed to get away quick before the plods from Kajang came along and gave us all a nice new haircut, for being in the vicinity of a firework display.

ON! ON! was called at 8:30pm for the prison restaurant at Kajang.

Around six tables of hashers descended on the restaurant were some very nice food was served quickly and efficiently, where upon it was devoured just as efficiently by the hungry hashers, so assembled.

Numerous charges from various people and jokes from Uncle Shag who was the only one who thought they were funny. Florence was renamed “Hairy Pussy” by the JM Dave “Kamikaze”. GM was “On downed” with an egg for his eggscellent joke. Returnees, Visitors and Virgins were welcomed and On downed.

The Hares were brought up and, whilst the GM thought it was a On Down run, the consensus of this very democratic hash was, that it was a Tee shirt run, much to the surprise of a few people who had ran that very same run many times before.

Posted by onsec at 08:27 PM

February 12, 2006

Run 1501 – 17th December 2005

Hare: Nick Morss
Co-Hares: Mary & Mei
Runsite: Ulu Yam Baru (Border)

Future Hares – be warned your sins will catch up with you. Nick Morss has been running with PHHH for years (maybe decades) and this was the 1st time he had to set a run. Oh yeah……the Hareline may be slow but it is sure and will find you out some day.

Since this was he 1st run he thought he would do it right and find a new area – which he did but it is on the border of some known runsites. At least he was able to enlist the expert assistance of Mary (who had no choice in the matter) and Mei (who is no longer speaking to Nick).

After selecting the area they became the recee business. They went in 5, 6 or 7 times. It takes a lot of recees for a new area. The last recee was done the night before. They went in at 2:00 pm and came out at midnight. Appears they got a bit lost. Needless to say they did not share that information with hashers until after the run.

As to be expected the stupid hashers had difficulty getting to a new runsite. It is is not Bukit Subang or Ulu Yam Baru football field they are a lost lot. They were driving all around the vegetable gardens and enjoying the burning of trash but eventually they all gathered at the appointed runsite. Our illustrious GM of course parked in the most remote area of the runsite. He is either trying to hide something from the hash or trying to imitate Daniel. As to be expected at a new runsite with major hills looming in the background their were a couple of good moments prior to the run:

 Colin Hercus looks it over and makes a expert decision. “No thanks – I am outta here. Going biking”.
 Cops come to check us out because there is no doubt we look like a bunch of bandits or whatever it is cops look for (other than coffee money). Not to worry. As usual, Colin did not have Hazel under control and she immediately went into the Attack Mode against the cops. What the hell they left.

After climbing to a small mount so his frigging head would be higher than ours the ever honorable GM gave some meaningless instructions and sent to hashers off to fend for themselves in this hellish area which we were soon to find had no paths. It was duly noted that an advance guard consisting of Wolfgang, WanKing and Uncle Shag proceeded prior to the designated time of departure. They would pay for this later.

We roared off sharply on time at 4:37.29. Trudged across an open area and followed paper up a dirt road, around a corner and to the top of the hill……..naturally to the 1st check. Being the cunning devil he is Uncle Looi did not fall for this old trick. He roared down the road, found paper within 200 meters and called On. Good Job Uncle Looi for breaking the first check. Allister was standing on the top of the hill 200 meters away with that look on his face of “Why did I drink so much beer last night at The Wall?”.

However, Allister was soon back in the heat of the run and after a small stream crossing solved the 2nd check up in the bush. We pushed on through rubber and bush. A hot day but good running. Finally we came to a major waterfall that most had never seen. Needless to say there we found the 3rd check. Several took advantage of the waterfall to cool down some hot bodies. It was mostly the lads but a couple of the braver lasses provided short time entertainment.

While most of the crowd was being lazy (enjoying the view, a bit of gossip, smoke a cigarette, cup of coffee) Rob Stott and one of the JMs was off checking to the distant right. Joel (bless his hard heart) finally broke the 3rd check by climbing up the bush next to the waterfall. We were back on trail and struggling in an upward position. Uncle Shag had disappeared.

After reaching the top of the waterfall we found the highlight of the run. It was a roaring stream in a crevice that supplies the waterfall. It was pretty good going – refreshing is the word the lasses used. It might have been a little tight for some of the bigger lads but no complaints were heard. The dawgs on the hash had a bit of problem but what the hell – that is WanKing and the others worry. It was noted they all returned.

From this point onward it was over hill and over dell which were all covered with heavy bush. We bashed on. We cut our legs. We cut our fingers. Some even cursed. We finally reached the top and had a nice view. We were very glad we were not out there last night until midnight like poor Mei. That bloody Nick can be such mean guy. There were three more checks which Charles Lee was kind enough to break. All were reasonably well connected. It was a pleasant descent from the peak back to the parking lot. We could very well see those that had already got back to Ramli. They were lolly-gagging around drinking 100 Plus and cooling down…….while we were still struggling. Bastards.

Two highlights at the end of the run:
 Kuan went all the way around. A surprise? Maybe not. It has been said Kuan will go all the way……under the right circumstances.
 Uncle Shag returned with his Harem at 7:50 pm. (heh, heh, heh)
Any connection?

Allister had worked all the alcohol poisoning out of his system and was 1st Runner in at 1 hour 33 minutes. Very respectable.

It was a tough but good run. The hashers all seemed to enjoy it and it was eventually awarded a Tee Shirt as it should have been.

Eventually the circle was commenced with On Cash Barry being in charge. However, Gary Murrell had to serve the beer. It appears Emilia was too hung over to do her normal duties. You reckon she was at The Wall with Allister the night before. I hope so. Very charges were brought forth to the attention of esteemed Hash including but not limited to the following:

 Vicious Mike for putting on an “exhibition”.
 Aileen for displaying a leech on her ample chest.
 Ron Brooks for trying (in vain) to avoid a Down Down.
 Uncle Shag for spitting on the run and is now referred as Mr. Disgusting. Where did he learn such habits?
 Don Percival for ignoring the GM when he was in trouble. Good decision Dan.
 Winstantly for destroying nature during a “tree cleaning” slide down a hill.
 Uncle Shag roars into the circle trying to give the Hares a down-down but ends up having to do one himself. Sometimes there is justice in this world.

All in all another good run and circle for PH3. Mei left the next day for China.
I am not sure why I had to do this wonderful Scribe Report. I was told by “Management” (ha!!!!) that it was my responsibility because I was the Hare Master for the 1500th Run…..and this was the next run. That doesn’t make sense. I was the Haremaster for the 1500th Run but I didn’t go to the run. I frigged off and went to Canada for a conference. Hell – I didn’t even do this run.

I remain your Obedient Servant,

Danny McBride

Danny McBride
1500th Haremaster
1501th Scribe

Posted by onsec at 08:28 PM