ANZAC Day Run
Venue: Ulu Yam Football Field
Hare: Some Australians & N/Zealanders
Scribe: Ugly Mike
It must be something in the air - you wait months for one celebration run by the Matt Salleh crowd and then two come along in a row...... Our Antipodean brothers and sisters had promised a fine spread in memorial of Anzac day deep in the Ulu Yam plantations and with Graham Davidson already setting a run this month there was no chance of a 4 hour special. Armed with that info I set off with a hash virgin in tow for a pleasant afternoon in the jungle.
Directions led us to the usual site at the Ulu Yam football field - although as usual, if you are not a regular you might have struggled to have any clue as to where you were going. Even Hash Shag was not able to help a car full of damsels in distress from his temporary residence deep in the Aussie outback.
Onwards to the runsite and all was forgiven as the Ulu Yam football field was resplendent in pre-BBQ activity with a fine erection in place. Jimmy was also standing proud making grunting noises and calling us on-on.
The run took us on a path through the plantation to the first check that was broken at the back by Mother Sheep, "They must be going up to the Banyan tree" he proclaimed. By check two, 10 minutes in, the virgin was looking sick.... but since Graham Davidson had nothing to do with it there was nothing to worry about. Right? The Third check gave me an interesting insight into the life in the Petaling pack. In fitting with the hares for the day the entire pack decided to spurn the lure of paper and follow like sheep off and round the hill, only to find there were three possible options of paper! Bloody sheep - never do as they are told. So after following paper in reverse and milling around for a while making sure our virgin was still alive we heading down into some shiggy and back up the hill. Here we were greeted by Candy and her flock of sheep proclaiming that they didn't have paper and they were going home. This confused the scribe greatly as there was paper all over the place. Jane Train soon came to the rescue and told them all to stop being pussies (and I thought they were sheep) and to keep following F'ing paper.
So onwards down a steep and slippery hill, stopping to be photographed by and Australian madman and then on back into the plantation. By now the virgin was not happy - 90 minutes in and more to come. I began to sense the involvement of Mr Davidson.... Then we heard music - ah the sounds of Men at Work? Rolf Harris? That Holly lass from Neighbours? Surely it was home? No lah - Indon karaoke in the plantation lah. Shit. Virgin now getting very very tired. Salvation was near however as round the next corner we found the river and home... So after two hours of pleasant walking in fine hashing weather across some interesting terrain and some crafty checks we were home to find a free Polo shirt!
The Circle was formed pre-sunset and in keeping with the theme of the day there was a horn and a passionate reminder of what we were celebrating that day. Charges were then in order and duly handed out including some ogling of Nina and something about Jimmy falling into a drain. The food was then served for a splendid RM10 for some excellent meat (including a fine leg or 6 of lamb) and more free beers! Nice.
So all in all a fine day out in Ulu Yam in honour of Anzac day.
On On.
Venue: Ijok
Hare: Jean Ti
Scribe: Kojak
Different weeks, different run sites, different hares = very different runs. What a difference from last week’s soggy, muddy, climby, leechy, but heart throbbing and exhilarating jungle run in Pangsun !
In contrast this week’s run in Ijok was flat, clean, dry, and sedate and a wee bit boring. Considering the height of the stiletto heels the hare was sporting at the run site, we certainly know why the run was on flat terrain. The woman even had difficulties stepping on the beer crate later on. Actually it was a good run (running all the way!) and the clockwise, 10 k trail, was covered by most in about 1.5 hours and by all is less than 2 hours. Good note for the hares that did an excellent job with the well laid checks which continuously brought the FROPs in the back. This had Rob Stott bragging that for once he ran all the way with the front runners! The major action in the run was when Colin (a hazardous animal visitor) somersaulted with guest Bee at some ditch crossing. Colin did not say if he was stung by Bee, but he was seen keeping his butt on ice during the circle.
At sunset, circle was promptly called by the GM and Bomoh Dogshit Jimmy Legget pulled a few sinners including some tribe of red haired mongrels supposedly fathered by either Alistair or Jimmy himself. Other sinners included Bee and Colin for their ditch crossing antics as well as some ladies from the lands of matt’saleh.
Hare Jean Ti was invited to give directions to the On On which co-hare Guinness Khoo translated in several languages, including gibberish and English. So much that yours truly got lost and did not make it to the on-on. All in all a good run and I am told a good on-on. Thanks Jean for a good evening and all the tidbits at the site.
Kojak
Run 1522
Venue : Pangsun
Hare : Kojak
Co-Hare : Bee
Scribe : Mother Sheep
Yet again I am writing someone elses scribe report – even if she is the wife. Is the only teaching of writing given to female Malaysians 0n how to use their husbands cheque books?
An overcast day with light rain found the pack gathering at the car park area just before 4:30pm, where we were joined by a number of visitors, guests and the GM.
ON ON was called at 4:30pm and the pack went down the hill into the valley, where the first check was called close to a fenced in area. This was eventually broken forward and to the right, unfortunately at this time your scribe was checking backwards and to the left behind the enclosed compound. When I reappeared the pack was gone, but it was not difficult to follow the path through all the shaggy. I would have thought that with so many people ahead of me that every leech would have eaten his fill, but no, five of them still wanted English blood.
Half a kilometer on I emerged on the tarmac road in the kampong to find people wandering everywhere. No body was really sure if there was a check or whether the paper had been picked-up. As no paper could be found in the near vicinity it was generally agreed that paper had been picked. I therefore decided that the only way forward was to get further from the village and start circulating again. Crossing the stream I proceeded up hill as there seemed to be an open area there. I found the paper and started to call the pack through. (Not running off after the first call but standing there until I was certain that the pack was coming – half had already passed me!).
Unfortunately at this time I did not realize that the paper went onto another tarmac road and stopped. (I later learnt from the hare that this was supposed to be the second check – so was there checking paper picked up by the pack or someone else?). Anyway there appeared to be two ways to check left or right, straight ahead been a fenced in Dragon Fruit farm – the only fruit to grow on concrete fence posts! As right was slightly downhill and left was uphill, and all seasoned veterans of Pangsun know we will go up the hill eventually I decide that checking uphill is a better bet.
Going round outside the dragon fruit orchard I get to the top of the orchard now probably 400m from the check, and can still hear the calls of ARE YOU and see the milling masses below. Finding anice 2m wide track ascending into the jungle with 6’ high grass I continue to ascend. This a lovely hashing trail and it is obvious a couple of people had walked here recently. Only one minor problem – no paper. Eventually I come across a horizontal track and follow this around looking for the paper. While on this track with secondary jungle on both sides I hear the faint calls of ON On down in the valley probably 300’ below. I make a simple decision unless the pack are coming up I will be going home soon as 30 minutes have been lost on this run already due to poor trail laying.
I eventually emerge at the top of another orchard and can see the pack below going into the jungle on the far side and hear the ON ON cries as the pack commences it ascent. Crossing the Orchard and into the jungle I step onto paper at the same time as the FROP’s of Dave Wilson and Knut. I am greeted with the cry why are you not calling. I explain that 2 seconds ago I was not on paper and you are already calling from 2m away.
It is at this stage being at the front of the pack and actually moving that I can observe how poorly the paper has been laid with 10m spacing between squares making it difficult to follow.
The next check was just over the ridge and off horizontally. Looking at the terrain I would guess that paper was all the way down and in the treeline on the other side of the valley. However before getting there an ON ON call was heard backwards. So climbed back up and picked up the paper leading into the check, only to hear FALSIE. Re-lay the paper and go down the hill again where the check was broken by Dave Wilson where I suspected the paper to be.
This was the last check that I really saw, and for the next hour we spent the majority of time single filing, slipping and sliding our way around, up down the hill. Noticed that there was a check in a Dusun area which was broken up a very steep logging trail and another in the secondary field just before the large mountain stream. The sound of the roaring stream comes as a welcome as we are now about 1½ hours into the run and this means that the pipeline is near with the road down the hill just beyond.
Going down the hill on the road suddenly realize that there is no paper – well I am not going back up the hill to see where the paper was, as home is along this road anyway.
I understand that the front runner was just under 2 hours, I made it back in 2¼ hours but some of our regular FROPS were well behind,. This was probably because the third check was not closed properly (I was about third out of that check and was not going back for the check paper.
What went wrong:-
Laying paper in a Kampong is always a very risky business you can increase your chances as a hare by using flour, chalk or shredded paper. If using normal squares tear the paper nearly in half – it is no longer as desireable.
There was too little paper on the trail making it hard to follow. As a hare the clib gives you 400+ squares this is enough for one piece of paper every 3m / 10ft for a 12km trail and this trail was only about 8km so 10m spacing must have led to a lot of returned paper.
The Circle on Site
After a brief introduction by the GM where introduces Peter one of our guests and John Lavelle explains that he has lots of work colleagues who do not want to hash and Peter is the least fit person he can find at work, he presents 10 and 15 year mugs to Wan King and Nim Chee.
The first Bomoh of the night is Paul Kirkman who is asked for only a couple of charges – next time GM ask him to charge only two people with one charge each if that is what you want.
• Wan King for his brand new GPS and going “This cannot be right we are going away from the run site (Colin we normally do this most times until we turn round and come back)
• The Hares for not enough paper
• Guinness for odd colour socks
• Ah Wan for funny running style
• Candy for funny running and walking style
• Dennis Chin for conducting a full time tour guide approach to his surrounding ladies and explaining everything except where the trail is!
• Grace for disgracing herself – too drunk to park her car in her allocated parking spot, and then alter reporting the car stolen to the Police. This was not helped that the security guards at her Condominium told her not to park her car in the lobby.
• Wolfgang for major intoxication and vomiting in the car on Friday evening on the way home. Apparently Ima is still cleaning the car. (As an aside how long to drive from Bangsar to Menara Duta – 1 hour if you are Helen and Ron and you need to stop six [6] times for Helen to chunder on the roadside. This might account for why the comic was missing on Saturday)
• Screw Ewe for disposing of contaminated rubbish in Ramlee’s bin
Next Bomoh was Wan King
• GM for returning after an absence of two weeks (I think he is an oilfield worker 2 weeks on 2weelks off and he can bring this to the hash!)
• Paul K – (Wan King is vengeance sweet when he has just on downed you) Any way apparently Paul’s wife Nancy ratted him having new shoes – they were not very new by now with all the shaggy this day!
• Jimmy – for newly repaired car
• FGB – no underwear while at the Wall the other night (You are all warned)
At this stage the GM invited the Birthday girl up for a drink and with unaminous agreement of the pack the ice was also brought out for ratting on hubby after he had taken her away for the night on her birthday. While the ice was being warmed entertainment was requested from the floor, and guest Peter obliged with a song. Announcements were made for the Bangsar Hash – my Birthday Run Tuesday 23 May 2006 at Menara Bangsar and the SHOT in Bangkock middle of June.
The ON ON was held in Ulu Langat, where the run was, probably luckily, an On Down. The Guests were called up and suitably ON Downed. This was immediately followed by the Co-hare again for not coming up as a guest.
The evening was finished off with Birthday cake provided by Paul and/or Nancy.
A new Triple ON venue of Carnegies was announced where the hash will currently get the first drink free and 10% off after that.
I went home some stayed and watched the rest of the FACup Final and I assume some went to Carnegies
ON ON
Venue: Kundang Lake
Hare: Screw Ewe
Scribe - John Robertson
Once again we gathered at Kundang Lake in anticipation of the uncertainty surrounding any run set in this area. We can well remember the previous time ‘The Usual Suspects’ ventured into this area and the Committee resignations that followed a less than favourable run-grading. Would the Hare be able to overcome the shortfalls of hubby’s previous efforts, or did Mother Sheep have a cunning plan for Screw Ewe to implement? We soon found out.
In the absence of the GM, and after a pre-amble speech warning of the spirits that call the area surrounding Kundang Lake home, JM Jimmy sent the pack off. After a short run down the road we entered oil palm. Having once disregarded the existence of the local spirits in this area and subsequently spent four days in hospital without the use of my legs, I decided it might be prudent to stop and say a small prayer to protect me for the next couple of hours. I am still in one piece so it must have worked!
The common compliant about the area is that people are so familiar that they will disregard paper and wander off doing their own thing. On this occasion there seemed to be some consistency of the pack to stay on paper, despite the efforts of the Hare to include a few small loops which effectively helped keep the front-runners restrained. Notwithstanding, the open terraces of the terrain offered good opportunities for short-cutters of all abilities and I admit that I took advantage on occasions to minimize the length of my run.
Early checks were broken, and in the absence of Charles Lee, Choo Nai Kwong in the main took on responsibility for closing checks. I always assumed that this was the responsibility of the Comic, but thanks to Choo for his concern in ensuring the back-markers were kept safely on paper.
At the midpoint of the run the pack came across Mother Sheep standing sheepishly by the trail taking photographs supposedly to support an article of the upcoming Hash Challenge. This was no doubt part of the cunning plan to make the run less predictable because no doubt after the last runner had passed the he quickly reconfigured the trail to be a ‘figure eight’. Shortly thereafter , Choo Nai Kwong was seen running around like a chook without its head claiming he had lost all sense of direction.
The latter parts of the run offered some ups and downs which assisted in bringing the pack together. The last check saw the front runners trundle off in one direction whilst slow pokes and back markers like myself were saved by Dan and Bog Brush emerging on the trail doing the run in reverse. Of course we headed for where our latecomers had come from, breaking the check and heading for home. The run on in was generally flat and provided an opportunity for the more dedicated (and fitter) to have a gallop. We emerged from palm oil into the dust of a construction site and a gaggle of workers that had assembled to ogle the ladies (and who knows maybe even some ‘chaps’) as they passed.
The Hare, being a very generous person, treated arrivals at the beer wagon with curry puffs or some other cake joeys (Note: Australianism used when one has no idea what the actual name of an object is) with sticky centres (very nice).
The circle was called to order by the JM and we were subsequently entertained by the King of the Bomohs (aka Colin King) who used the opportunity to vent retribution on unsuspecting Chinamen as a result of the heckling he had received the previous Sunday during the On-On Malaysia festivies at Awana, Genting.
Standing in as the Comic (butler) for proceedings, Fierce Gay Boy Mike gave us an exemplary display of “uncoordination” by spilling a tray of beer. Given that Mike is the co-proprietor of a bar, I believe that his partner would have concerns as to Mike’s fragrant disregard for the amber fluid and his latent penchant for spilling it.
Noting that the crowd at the runsite was slightly smaller than usual, the On-On was well patronized with five very full tables each adorned with a bottle of ‘ladies wine’. This was interpreted an gender non-specific by several male hashers who helped themselves to ample proportions.
The run was judged as a T-shirt and without hesitation Win Chew donned her well earned T-shirt. Her dress, discarded in the frenzy to get her new shirt on, was then donned by Jimmy (much to the amusement of the locals). The only comments I offer to this is that Patsy needs to get Jimmy some new underwear and surely having to look at a far from youthful Jimmy Leggett in a short skirt and Y-fronts is strong grounds for trauma counseling.
Well done to the Hare(s) for a good run and a fun time!
On-On