Venue: Taman Agrtech, Ulu Lnagat
Hare: Peter Miller
Co-hare: David Wilson
As the previous week had been Mike Clarke’s run at Batang Kali Football Field it should be his duty to be writing this report, or failing that the person he delegated. It should be noted that at the previous run that he had agreed with this scribe (the GM) that he would be attending and able to write the report, so where was he. (Answer on a post card in not more than 50 words – best effort, as judged by the GM may win a Ramli TIGER beer).
A pleasant day with a good crowd gathered by the river ON ON was called and led across the road and up a very steep hill, and up, and up! One check halfway up but it was still up.
At the top of the hill on the ridge was another check long broken before I arrived with paper leading off down a narrow trail. At this point I was with “she who must be obeyed” who did not show a lot of enthusiasm for going downwards on the far side of the ridge, in the full knowledge at this stage of what goes down must come back up to get home. So along with that other well known shortcutter Robin Cox we continued to use our heads and walked along a very good running path along the top of the ridge.
After about 1km we come across the paper coming up onto the ridge and then going down on the correct side. No sooner than we have started on the paper than the FROPS catch up. Proceed down the trail to a junction – paper goes left but home is obviously to the right. So as the FROPS go left we go right. Have only gone about 20m when Greg Dall calls out “GM, I hope you are not short cutting and off paper?” Unfortunately Greg can not see what I can see – the paper in the creek bed m away so I reply “You may think what you like.” Anyway it must have been a very long circular as the pack never caught us on our 30-40 minute walk and two more checks on the way home. Pack arrived about 10 minutes after we did.
Cannot remember much about the circle –it was short and away about 7:45 and would have a couple of bomo’s.
Off to the ON On as it is school holiday and daughter wants to come full tribe with me. Daughter falls asleep on 10 minute drive to restaurant, so she stays in car, while we eat good food subsidized by the hare.
To show impartiality and that we are able to award all standards of run retrieve The Toilet Seat from the car for the run judging, however consensus was a “T-shirt run enjoyed by all” – unfortunately do not have T-shirt (was handed out on 5/5/07). Triple ON was backyard and as we left a couple of tables still drinking. About 10km down road realize that The Toilet seat is still under table at restaurant so return and retrieve said article. Will now keep in car unless it is going to be used.
Back to the first paragraph, Mike turns up at next run and as Peter Miller is now absent got his agreement to scribe this run – so Mike where is it?. (Scribe Report on A4 paper in not less than 1000 words required)
Hare: Mike Clarke
Venue: Batang Kali (Ulu Yam) Football Field
Scribe: Christina Gauson
Comic: Robin Cox
Ulu Yam Football Field…ah…I think I can find my way there now. We stopped in Ulu Yam town to purchase some mozzie coils and arrived at the run site with half an hour to spare.
People were parking all over the place as Don Cheng had not arrived on time to officiate. (Is that his job “Hash Car Park Attendant”?).
The pack was called to order by the new GM Mother Sheep who wisely asked if there was anyone who hadn’t hashed before and if there were any questions. The response was overwhelming with many hands being raised and numerous stupid questions being asked, which the GM ignored.
The pack set off following the Ex-GM, Kamikaze, down the road we drove in on, to the paper that everyone had spotted as they drove in (i.e. short cutting before the start of the run!). The “True Hashers” FOLLOWED PAPER across the stream and started climbing up and down terraces. Unfortunately I don’t know how many checks and how difficult they were as I was at the back of the pack for most of the run.
Whilst out on the run we came across so many people calling “Are you?”, which must have been the people who set off down the road and had obviously felt remorse and were now trying to rejoin the run. The run was a good run for those who did all of it. It took me just under 2 hours to complete.
The circle started before sunset and we head off home to put the kids to bed.
Location: Kampong Batu 30 just after Antara Gapi (Ulu Yam Lama)
Hares: Christina Gauson
Co-hares: Don Cheang with a hint of Rambo
Hash Horn: Clog and Frog
Scribe: Clog and Frog in the absence of last week’s AGM hare.
Had I only known that I would be volunteered for Hash Trash, I would have paid a bit more attention to what was going on around me ... …….. As it is, I’ll do me best to remember what the hell happened and invent what I can’t!! I can’t even blame the beer, cos I didn’t get enough down-downs.
St Patrick’s Day, and here we are again at the same site for the 3rd time in 2007. Was this the reason for the poor turnout? Or that silly hat and matching T-shirt the GM wore? Or no one likes the new committee? Or the absence of murdered compatriots? Or because Ramli was not on site with the beer truck before we started? Or that Ramli’s beer truck failed to start despite several attempts? Or that so many wimps are sitting in the circle? We never might know the real answer but the first signs are boding evil for the new PHHH committee.
Still, this is not a place for wimps, so off we set, into the rubber and red mud, complaining bitterly, searching for paper and asking ourselves why the hell we were doing this, when we could have been at home by the air-con!! The run was a good one, a relative long one, and for once not a wet one! Well it didn’t rain but still had to go through Rambo streams at times. No one complained of getting soaked and a very good trail ensued. The twists, turns, back checks too numerous to count and general aimless wandering nature of the trails around Antara Gapi soon had even the most seasoned hashers confused as to which way we were going. Even Joel and Charles couldn’t manage to stay at the front for long due to the fiendish frequency and length of the hares’ check-backs. We had to navigate a few open areas and logging trails along the way, but generally speaking the trail traversed the kind of bush hashers love to hate. As to Christina’s length - long enough to satisfy most.
The rain didn’t show up through and after the run, so the circle was a dry one, although the beer was flowing. A lot of it onto the muddy ground however, as the girls and Mike the Bike are not renowned for their beer drinking talents! The circle went something like this (apologies for any omissions):
Emilia arrived in broad daylight.
GM announced : All – Please be seated.
Klaus the anointed charger. Got Mike the Bike up for still being pissed and not drinking beer.
Ramli first try to start the engine
Klaus called up Charles Lee for infringement of John’s ‘On-on” shouting rights please click on the music sheets provided and turn up the volume. ???
Klaus made some other chargers about Zorro lifting up his leg every 5 yards on the trail and making a mess.
Ramli tries to start his truck again – it is still daylight
Joel did a few charges and bitterly complained that the Blue Rinse Brigade should call on-on when uncle Louie led them to the left leaving all the pack and FRB’s in the cold. Yes, we all had to overtake Emilia with her famous backpack. Unheard of!
I got called up to do the hash trash and as a bonus got a free down-down
Tommy did his charge whilst smoking a fag in the circle. Some China man had to drink from Nick Morss' shoe.
Ramli manages to start the truck and everyone passes out in a cloud of diesel smoke and made a dash for the restaurant.
A joke as I did not go to the restaurant:
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bush land around the fertile deltas.
Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.
Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.
Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.
Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.
After 70, they become Ireland or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN:
Quite simply between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like one country only - Zimbabwe - ruled by a dick!
On on on on on
Location: Kundang Jaya
Hares: GM Dave Kamikaze
Scribe: Jenny Woon
This run can be called the AGM and ADM Run with all the ingredients from CSI. …. ADM-A Dead Man. Read on ……
We headed north to Rawang and followed the direction given and reached the run site under the scorching sun with no shelters or trees. We have the full range of SUV and 4X4 vehicles lined up like German infantry leading to the tents set-up for the AGM. There could easily be 60 odds vehicles and this parade was later joined by the Royal Police Kancil, Proton and the Land-Rovers. Apparently 30 meters from the AGM tents is the burnt corpses of a Nepali. We see CSI in action with some inquisitive hashers milling around the cordoned area and expounded their CSI theories of what could have happened to the poor guy. The victim of a love triangle or :the revenge of an “Ah Long”? .
Inspite of this distraction, the outgoing GM managed to call for the nomination of the new exco and “on-down’ 2 hardcore hashers who will be migrating elsewhere. Good for them as we are now in the midst of the Malaysian summer with the heat soaring to 40 degree C.
The “On-On” is sounded and the whole host run across the dried-up plain towards the welcoming shelter of the hill covered rubber trees. At the bottom of the hill, we have the FROP jumping over a muddy ditch with the less agile, bathing their shoes in mud and onto the steep climb and escape from the scorching sun. The first check was quickly broken and with the various hashers trying to follow the “horn” sound and doing their short cutting stunt. There were at least 3-4 hills of orchards, rubber tree and oil palm estates and with at least 2 long false trials. Some of the runners suffered from dehydration due to the intense heat and were gladful for those who shared their drinking water. A Dr Jack was so thankful for the drink that he later spent the whole evening singing praises to the lady hasher who shared her drink as he claimed that it saved his life. Do you believe that?
We did the last 2 hills along the NS Highway before turning back to the run site and met a few late comers who did the reverse run. The distance according to one GPS is 9.3 Km when we reached Ramli’s wagon of life …. for many dehydrated and sun-burnt hashers. What a dry run this is compared to the wet and leech-ful run last week.
After being revitalized, some of the hasher approached the policemen who have since cordoned off the ADM area, to seek for more information on the cause of death and further advanced their CSI theories.
In view of the AGM, the Circle was called early with the election of the incoming exco members and consequential “torture” of the sinners and saints. The On-On is onsite with 2 burnt offerings to honor the Year of the Fire Boars and food catered from a Sikh. By them the stench of the removed corpse permeated the air and some of the hashers made a quiet exits to the amusement of those. The merry go-round continued to late into the night as I was told.