Hare: Cheah Cheang Sio (Virgin Hare)
Co-Hares: Spastic Don Cheang & many Chinese
Venue: Ulu Langat
Scribe: CP & KNLT for absent Frankie Khoo
I called up Spastic Don to ask him if the road was sedan friendly or 4WD friendly. His response was "it's tarmac, all cars can come in." I wonder what Don meant by "tarmac" ...hmm...rocks, sand, potholes? Gee, I always thought tar-mac stood for tarred macadam, i.e., asphalt, but to Don "assfault" evidently is a disease of the rectum, not a road construction material! Parking was along a little stream alongside the dirt road which in places was collapsing into the streambed (more on that later), but it was pretty scenic for a hot day. 80 odd hashers gathered to run this new area not knowing what's in store.
It definitely had all the trademarks of a Rambo or Rainbow run... and not really set by a VIRGIN! (Rambo said it took two 5 1/2-hour sessions of bashing and slashing to cut the trail through the ferns and brush, leaving a trail of tropical deforestation in their wake!) Branched halfway through into long and short routes, it started out with a gentle upward slope that lead us on to the killer hill (a very small, nice, pretty, beautiful, gorgeous hill according to the hare) that went on and on and on vertically and I thought I was going to die. What the heck, I am here now scribing for Frankie Khoo who's conveniently somewhere in Asia but Ulu Langat at that time!
The first check was pretty f*&d up especially when you are running and just getting into it, STOP. Bloody check kept us all looking and it was a back check in the end. The pack got together by then. From then on it was sort of smooth sailing (running) with Kiasu French pushing and shoving people out of his way as he dashed straight uphill. When we got to the LONG / SHORT run intersection, we decided to go on the LONG to the surprise of some folks who were wondering why most people were doing the LONG run! Remember, the promise of the beautiful, small, nice, pretty, gorgeous hill!!! We wanted to see it for ourselves and at the same time for some of us HC wannabes we wanted to taste what a fraction of it would be like. Breathless it was alright.. not just the view, the physical being from the vertical climb.
What goes up must come down they say and came down we did... some of us tumbling down, almost landing on those vicious stumps and thorny vines that took some of us out above the neck. We skied down the sandy slopes out in the open and there the view was spectacular. And all the way to the runsite we ran to the "Babelicious" roast pork waiting for the hungry souls.
Many of us decided to cool down in the inviting stream only to be told later after we've washed ourselves from head to toe that there was a dead dog upstream, no wonder Bob kept saying he could smell a WET dog (not DEAD). Out we got in a jiffy and scrubbed ourselves down with warm water and soap. Dunno about the rest but both Bob and I had a good backscrub and the jealous bastards on downed us for that!!!
It being Australia Day, the Ozzie boys had their revenge and the flag that was desecrated two years ago was brought out. The DESECRATOR was brought to the fore and punished where he was seated bare-arsed on the icy throne and made to sew the flag back with all the Ozzies standing around him. He was left there to fester and rot for a while longer until more charges were made (prob has BLUE balls now). He certainly was not a happy fella but in true hasher spirit he endured it all.
And as we were all getting ready to leave for the makan Khoo's Volvo V70 XC decided to go down to the stream ALMOST, mmm... 2 tyres that is! Well, it nearly fell into the stream, ended up sitting on its chassis straddling that big hole, half the guys were arguing for pulling it forward, other half for pulling out backwards, meanwhile Khoo had the handbrake on (hmm... wonder what kind of driver's license he has! KOPI-O perhaps?!!!)and no one could push or pull, finally Kamikaze pulled it out backwards. PHEW, finally we could all go for our meal. Khoo was still shaking from the experience halfway through dinner!
On On was called at the Tekali Restaurant. Meatball Klaus was sharing Schnapps around since Spastic Don who asked for it left early for another commitment. There was wine and ample amber nectar going around. Food was good as usual. The usual circle was called, charges made, raucous catcalls made from certain inebriated members of the peanut gallery (hey! I resemble that remark!) , and more beers guzzled.
Triple On was at Backyard. It must have been a good time there too with an amateurish band playing apparently. Thank you hares.
Hare: Frankie Khoo
Co-Hare: Ah Wan
Venue - Templer's Park
Scribe: Jagjit (for the run) AD (for the On On)
Tentative Unedited Scribe’s Report.
- A Bamboo Rhapsody -
The muggy and sultry Saturday afternoon was filled with the initial foreboding of scaling the terraced kosher phallic icon of Bukit Takun at Templar Park.
Was it a harebrained idea? The run site quickly dispelled this, which was nowhere near it. The car park very quickly resembled a 4-wheel dealers site office and the weekend warriors set off not like wildebeasts but meekly down a small knoll and river where sloshing was the norm and one had to be sure footed to negotiate the lichened rock falls. The trail continued amongst bamboo groves and skirted the whole length of the river with intermittent checks that resembled skirmishes with the bushes and secondary growth and rejoined the picnic path further on. There were occasional long back checks, which continued throughout the course of the gurgling river and cooing birds in the distance. There was a lot of paper upstream and we had to clamber, climb and career down steep muddy slopes steeped with strewn thorns of varying size and grades. The stumps and vines occasionally caught on the ankles and bodies were frisked by thorn and spikes. The fortunate ones only had leech bites to show as badges of honour.
It was a dry day in the secondary bamboo forest and a little bit of shiggy at some parts. No great hills to climb but the checks lead to a cusp of the amphitheatre shaped ravine. There were 5 checks in all for the 80 plus hashers; and 2 waterfalls; the second was two-tiered with pristine spray. The trail itself was littered with Malaysiana; bits of strewn cardboard, plastic bottles and sundry picnic garbage with debris and detritus. The run ended in another watery soak, where the FRBs were already stripped to their waists and holding court in the flowing river with the bottled amber nectar in their hands. There was the customary porky dish for which Iron Lady Patsy was ondowned as she made a beeline for the porcine treat. Ah Wan of Tongkat Ali fame was similarly ondowned by the GM at the circle for furtively stealing a peep at distressed young damsels having their shower. Jane was ondowned for an obscure unsolicited SMS message. Opera was picked up for exhibiting irascible PMS like behaviour at the last hash run. Lastly Dan was ondowned for his antics in waiting for torrential rain to cleanse him and thus avoiding a formal wash-up.
It was unusual for the hare to be overtaken by at least 5 FRBs at the last leg of the run. I am sure he and Ah Wan would have had a lot of explaining as I prepared for a quick getaway to repair at downtown KL’s manifold nocturnal delights. The dinner was near Bukit Lagong at Beh Hai. It was a hash outing with a difference. More climbing, sloshing rather than straightforward running as it be fitted the chosen terrain. ... Jag
Dinner was at a restaurant that was too posh for the hash and my or my we were under a lot of pressure to be at our best. So out came the wine bottles and all to add to the finesse of the surroundings amidst the camaraderie. The locals were pretty confused at the sight of the hashers and were wondering what planet did we all drop from. A big pot of some kind of pork dish awaited us, compliments of the Woons. Food was alright… the usual standard for very expensive posh looking restaurants. On Downs were called where the Kiwis were brought up in respect of Sir Edmund Hillary who had just passed away. Guests and virgins were pulled up and the returnees were not spared. Imagine to the horrors of the local patrons, our friends started singing the “ka ni nau…” song. Buggers.
Since the hares were caught during their stroll, and most of us tall people had to endure bending down just to get thro the trail (not for anything else – lucky Patsy & Candy), the toilet seat was aptly awarded. Dinner was partly subsidised by the generous hare. Thank you hares.
Triple on was called on to “Social” where quite a few of us gathered and a good time was had by all. ...AD
Hare: Jagjit Singh
Co-Hare: Dennis Chin & Rainbow
Venue: Serendah (opp Antara Gapi)
Scribe: Yeo Mei Fong (on her behalf - AD)
Oh what a runsite! Nice but full of saw grass I guess as we were all being cut up... Two lots of parking area... Wonder who was the smartipants who stopped us latecomers to park in the area where we had to negotiate and maneuver our cars in between the rubber trees and slippery paths whilst there were lotsa space at the open grassy area.
Anyway, I got there quite late (15 min) wondering why such a poor turnout only to be told there's another lot of cars parked further in. Manuel of Fawlty Towers arrived at the same time and off we went into the trail at precisely 4.50pm. Beautiful trail but after running for about 30 min we realised we had not come across any of the stragglers like Emilia (had to remind Manuel Emilia was on a "S" holiday down under who, god knows). We shall find out when she gets back!
We were lucky as the checks were filled in and after 30 min we came across some of the walkers... Then off Manuel left saying I am in good hands now, what in Gary Murrell's hands!!! Anyway, no major hills but gentle slopes where I think most of us ladies had mud mask on our butts. Too expensive at the SPA la. It was a very pleasant run with perfect weather (no sun and no rain). A runner's run. Can't say how many checks but they were all filled in. Missed the usual SCB's with Dennis taking the lead with his horn. A little bit of Rambo could be detected in this run with all the shiggy and li'l streams, nevertheless we all made it including some of our young 'uns. Great run...
Arriving back at the run site it was food galore - chinese style porridge and the babelicious roast pork which most of the folks were indulging in. Freebies in the form of milk powder (must be for the osteoarthritis clan) and vit C packs were given out. A fresh set of St Andrew's Day Run t-shirts were given out saying it's better quality than the last one - tks to the folks who made that possible for all even the visitors.
Circle was short and sweet with the newly engaged couple being pulled in again (Tommy just wanted an excuse to see Mel's diamond ring). Ugly Mike was charged for asking why the circle is being conducted when there's light. Fierce Gay Boy making it very clear that he is the ONLY and can be the ONLY gay boy in the hash. Mike Moore who was Rob Stott's lookalike got charged as well for pulling cars out and getting them stuck again... and on and on and on until there was not a drop of the amber nectar left.
Then off to Pukee we went for food and lo and behold nothing. Town was in total darkness as a certain someone wanted to make a speech so everybody in the town pretended to be asleep! Food was ok and more charges and the usual rituals were made... Hash Shag for shagging his new voluptious poofter car and leaving it at home as he wanted to be in the company of FGB. Ah Wan for complimenting (not) Pei Lyn by saying she has a BIG ass instead of saying TIGHT ass. GM for inconsiderately parking next to the table blocking off the wonderful breeze from the traffic. Jag for hiding his birthday but revealing it by trying to be discreet. And more charges, can't remember them all. Uncle Don went up to sing us a song and got the whole crowd knocking!!! A good nite at the restaurant and lotsa fun...
On On On was off to SOCIAL for the socialising lot and a great nite was had by all there too!
Now on the road to recovery for the next weekend!
Thanks hares... AD
Hare: Yeo Mei Fong
Co-Hare: Don Cheang
Venue: Ulu Yam Chicken Farm
Scribe: Jo Yoong
The problem with two runs, six hares and being late (blame it on the rain) is that you are told to follow one set of paper and all the other late comers are sent off in a different direction
. This results in being totally alone on a wet, wind-swept hill. No mates, no paper and no dogs (yes, they buggered off). I took the sensible decision and made for a path and a wondering nomad I recognized and from there Uncle Looi and I returned to the cars.
The rain came down in earnest as we got back and from the safety of my car I watched as hashers returned – Robin, Peter B, Graham, Irene and two hobbits in rain coats came in at 5:30. Ben soon afterwards with what looked like a coloured condom on her head followed by a Chinaman with his underpants on his! Jerry French ran in at 6:15 checking on his watch – like he’d just finished a marathon. Twat! Could he possibly have been the FROP?
As I watched the rest of the packs (2 runs remember) return through misted-up windows I figured that there would be no circle that night as it was far too cold. If there had been and if I had attended I would have nominated Ilona who actually showered from the tub in the back of her car whilst the rain poured down next to her.
The general consensus was that it was a splendid run (Rambo style of course) and I’m pissed as hell I missed it.
JO