Hare : Lewie Dekker.
Co-hare: Chinamen wanting to go to Holland
Venue : Ulu Yam Waterfall.
Comic: Alvin Chah
Scribe: OLD FARTS
Fortunately at the start of the run the heavy rainfall had eased and we started off from an excellent run site with cool conditions and with a few spots of drizzle.
1) The trial started left of the run sight and across the river which was now starting to rise. Followed a narrow track, now opposite the run site and then a few grunts up the hill to the first check.
2) The check was broken to the right which connected to the well worn trail originating from the toll bridge near our run site. We meandered up an easy gradient to the next check and it was time for a pee by a few of us.
3) It was a forward ON ON and across the river again. From here it was unfamiliar territory. We were now confronted with this overgrown, leech infested, thorn ridden, steep bukit with mud trails obviously created in GPS mode. After much swearing and grunting and using Tarzan exercises we groped our way to near the top where the trail deviated to the left and around the other side to a welcomed check.
4) ‘Not sure if this was a back check or not as when I arrived the pack was scrambling up another overgrown steep incline. Then it was a most frustrating time slipping and sliding most of the way down to meet the river yet again. Now back to familiar territory again as we headed for home along a vehicle track which ran parallel to the river. Alas, the hare put in a loop up into rubber where I presume there was another check. Ignoring the loop, I followed the river home, the latter of which was only another 500 meters away.
NOTE; It was the tradition of PHHH to have unimpeded home runs of about 2km.
5) Front runners were in about one and three quarter hours. Some makan on site.
OLD FARTS
Hare: Old Farts
Venue: Ostrich Farm, Semenyih
Scribe: Dadahman for H B
Here's proof positive that I do read my SMS's. Sometime early in the week Helen SMSed me to scribe for her. On Saturday, I actually read the message. But Saturday was rainy and by the time I woke up and got all the scratching done, it was late and calling all my usual rides and even some not-even-remotely-usual rides drew a blank. Luckily the rain stopped around half past 3 and I could take a slow bike ride to the run, arriving at 5. Dang, no juicy gossip to be picked up before the run! One of the hares around the wagon said the run had checks that are "too easy" to which our witty beerman Ramli added "He means there are two easy checks, the other 10 are very difficult". The last time Ramli gave me some info, it was that the bus taking the "short-run" runners had already left and going with that info, I came out at 12 midnight. Uncle Looi started on me for not going in reverse, not knowing that I had inherited some great Indian tracking genes from great-grandpa Eagle-eye Muthusamy, the greatest tracker in the west (of Malaysia, not the Americas).
Anyway the run went in anti-clockwise, and soon some shiggy and up a hill into a rubber estate that gave the impression of being abandoned but was actually been tapped for rubber. Check was on top of the hill but broken back. It was at this stage that my mind wandered to an email from Volvo Khoo - could I please change the color of the treeman pants from red to green as stated in the Constitutiion? What! We have a Constitution! And somebody has actually read through it! I think I got the logo yonks ago from a scan of the treeman from the masthead of an old PH3 newsletter. If true, that treeman has been running out-of-uniform for a long time. And only now somebody's noticed! Tsk!
Oops, I've run out of paper. Must keep my mind from wandering from such heady matters and concentrate on the job at hand. Backtrack, find connecting paper, down through some more shiggy, into proper rubber, another check broken forward, it's all a blur now. A bit of a climb in a nice dusun, down the other side into another swamp, in fact quite a bit with the hare taking us up and down through every swamp and every colony of biting ants he can find, some jungly bits, some nice rubber, some shitty rubber, through some illegal Indon worker's backyard, more dusuns, a few bits of barbed wire where harriettes used to getting down on all fours would have the advantage, a bit with a great view of a factory, a bit that would have scared Fuckawee shitless (i.e a bit with banana trees - Fuckawee gets visions of a male pontianak waving to him when he's around banana trees) and a bit of a long steep grassy slope where standing upright was all but impossible. It's there that I finally run in Amelia exchanging mobile numbers with a new found friend. I slow down a bit as Amelia has trouble with finding the trail. Finally come out as Uncle Looi, bless his heart, was about to put on his shoes to come in looking for us. NOT!
Slightly smaller crowd today. GM calls the circle to order just as it gets dark. Don asks me why I didn't call him for a ride. I always assume "More Chinaman" or "Many Chinese" meant him. I run into Greg Bridgestock and start talking about all those people I know who seem to be falling dead recently, totally forgetting that I'm supposed to record every excruciating detail of the circle for this report. All I remember is someone called Ovulation Stimulator on the box and someone doing a great imitation of a frog in the dark (probably Aussie, gender unknown). The hash shag gets some harriettes on the box, he's had a T-shirt down the pants of his surgically-enhanced body and nobody's noticed. Listen, the god of surgical improvement, Michael Jackson, has had bits of his body fall off so what's a poor girl to think, what's dropped off the hash shag I wonder? (Now that Obama's gained the presidency, do you think MJ will go back to black? Are the effects of hydroquinone reversible?). Anyway the GM's better half has a go at him for blaming the women.
I get called on the box with Amelia, on suspicion of having a leg over with her on the trail. I thank the GM for the compliment but I think there are bits of me that even the best hash-shag medical magic couldn't revitalize. Though I wouldn't turn away any harriette craving a challenge that even the best science today would consider impossible. Anyway back at the circle, Kojak and the hash shag have a bit of a to-and-fro about the hash shags new cloggie duds (socks I mean). FGB, you're not missed! An announcement and the circle's done.
I head for home as these days my body demands recuperation by the lie-motionless-on-the-floor-for-several-hours method after every run. My mind however would like to thank the hares for a great run.
P.S. Totally unrelated but a sign's come up in the shops near my house. Under the Malay and Chinese bits, it says "KAM YUM MEDICAL AND TUINA CENTER". Will somebody more expert in Cantonese please tell me I'm wrong in my pronunciation and understanding of that fifth word?
Hare: Auntie Helen Brooke
Co-Hare: Uncle Robin, Aunty Nan & Brother Ton Van Dijk
Run Site: Eco Setia Park, Klang
Pre – Hash evening
“Hello Uncle Chuck – wow, we’ve a problem”
“haah! You’re not getting married again, are you?”
“Shut up lah.. there is another Banana Hash running in the same area Eco Setia Park forest.”
“… make our day..”
D-Day“
ah ah uncle, just out from setting my run. We’ve marked our PHHH parking spot and where our beer wagon is to be parked away from Banana Hash.. but but, our hash papers crossed each others at Check no. 1 and 2”
“Chicken f..ker, the whole country is one huge hash area and you’ve to choose the same running area and your papers have to cross each others at no. 1 and 2”
“and and, and Kaki Hash is also running in the same area. I hear they are having a joint run and BBQue on-site. Total numbers about 150 hashers.”
“you sure know how to make our hash evening interesting, though?”
1. A huge turn-up on this beautiful clear sky hot & dry evening saw about over 100 PHHH members and guest to partake in Auntie Helen’s talk-of-the-town run. Loads of children, toddlers and baby SiowLoong (Moore jr) were gathered shielding in the shadow Ramli’ beer –wagon from the now setting sun. And the GM and PHHH were accused by a now no-love-lost Aussie – bounded migrant of being a not family- friendly a hash chapter; can’t beat them all, can we?
2. First Kiasu FROPs to spring off at the called On! On! Were Choo NaiKong. Sen, Mike, Gayboy and Laurence. Last off the mark was, of course Emilia after extorting cash from the guest… in Hash we trust, the rest pay CASH…” Up to the Water Reservoir Tower and intro rubber and up the hilled forest. Single-filed down to this water & shiggy crossing. The front champions dashed intro chest-deep shiggy water. Smart hashers like Rambo threw some woods and branches over the soft ground and managed to navigate with slightly dirtied shoes. Heavy set kwai-lohs following behind sank deep intro clayie mud, no thanks to Rambo’s markers. Then it was a long long hot & dry run through oil palms, and out onto tarmac road some 200metres from the awaiting beer-wagon.
3. First runners in Choo NaiKong and Sen both were being accused of breaking the last Check but calling very very softly. At 0120 hours. No prize for the guessing what position Emilia got in at 0245hrs.
4. Geannie was dishing out sweetmeat titbits after the run. A large group of Chinks were gathered around her SUV, awaiting to observe her bath rituals. For thrill and jubilations, watching her bath require tremendous patient & discreet virtue. How we missed Alyvia and PeiLynn, even Gayboy Mike dropped by to KayPohChee (KPC), to be bussy –body-lah.
5. The Hash Circle was called by the GM Dave Parks at 0715pm as the sun sunk below the horizon. It was a short & sharp affair as he had to rush away to a pre-engagement to meet his new found “interest"
On On
At across shop-lots in Setia Park, Restoran New Generation, 6x tables plus 1x kiddies supported a hearty feast of Uncle Ron’s supervised menu.
We had quite a few guests, namely this lady Sherry from the UK in Perlis, and the butt-of-the evening was this Asian-American rookie named Casanada, hailing from whiteHouse Hash, DC who was seated at Dave Kamikazi’s Table, vocally expressing his political inclinations. Thus antagonising Canadian Barry Dawn on arm-length away, the English Marques de Ron, and a red-eared Aussie across the table and head huntress Auntie Ben about to chew his balls off.
Dave was all quiet watching his beloved country fellow about to be made history.
The Hare and her co-hares were awarded a T-shirt run, mainly to watch Auntie Helen doing her now infamous raunchy acts. Known in her hey-days as Mighty-tits, but geologically now as Saggie-tits, now she need to physically move and shift her asset to attain her former status, done tastefully outrageous to the delight of guest Casanada. Guest Brian and Zulaika were having their inter-table domestics. The later was hash-named as Zulikon (as in silicon) in view of her hefty & healthy lungs.
All in all a very; fun filled and healthy hash evening. Thank you Auntie Helen and her pillar of strength, Ron plus her co-hares who made it possible.
Scribe Report For RUN No.1651 1st November 2008
Location : Broga Hills
Hare: Geoff Robb
Co-hares: Don Cheang, Rambo
Comic: Sharon De Souza
Scribe: Chan Voon Seng
Arrived at the run site with rain clouds hanging up in the mountains. Unexpectedly quite a number of members and guests arriving at the site quite early as the traffic to Semenyih was alright on that Saturday afternoon. There were rumours that we will climb one of the peaks in the run. Before the run, Don Cheang had advised us that there would be 2 runs and the short run was set by him and the long run by the hare with Rambo’s assistance.
The run started with a climb up a small hill with an orchard at the top and the paper looping slightly to the left. The pack was spread out at the top but ‘On On” was called way back down. We then went along a rubber terrace to another durian orchard pass a fence and along a path that leads up into an open hill with the 2nd check halfway up the hill. Paper was broken back down again and we went on to hit a road and then another path that leads up towards the hill but it again swing back in another big left hand loop with a check behind a big rock. This check brought the whole pack together.
The check was broken forward right and we started climbing through another durian orchard. We then hit a beautiful rubber tapper’s motobike trail which swing right and continued climbing into a big circular loop. Again, the pack was brought together as the whole pack was caught in this loop. The pack was checking everywhere uphill as they believe that this was the climb that they were waiting for but it was not to be. On on was finally called back down by Geannie who knew of the loop and did not go into it as she was the co-hare of the short run.
The short run then split from the long and head downhill into another check and then home with the front runner back in about 1 hr 26 mins. With Don Cheang encouraging the pack to do the long run, two thirds of the pack headed for the long run. The paper descended into a valley crossing a stream and then the big climb up the rubber terrace. Paper hit another trail and swing left with a check just off the trail. The check was broken on the trail uphill and we continued climbing up pass the rubber into the lalang hill as promised. As it had drizzled earlier while we were running, the lalang slope was very slippery and it took its toll on a lot of the runners. It took some of them a solid 15 mins to go through this stretch with much swearing heard. The reward was a scenic view up there. The trail then went into a jungle patch and exit into rubber terrace. It then swings right into another big circular right hand loop check.
Paper was found a few levels down and then headed downhill. It was a long run downhill with another check in the middle and Gay Boy was the 1st runner back in 1 hr 55 mins. The whole pack was back before 7.00 pm. Overall it was a very good and tough run. Length of was recorded at 9.58 km according to Volvo Khoo’s GPS with highest altitude point of 379m.
Back at the circle, it was as usual our GM Dave Parks made some announcements and also his apologies on being late as well as have to go back to JB for work. Don Cheong had called upon Sharon who was paid by the Malaysian government for some course in UK but back here with a big tummy and by gosh, she has been impregnated by John. I just wonder what course our BN government has chosen for her. After a few charges on the guests and Paul Smith (ex-Hashshag), Mike Clarke aka Gay Boy, it was time for the On On at the nearby restaurant 100 m down the road on the left called Jia Xiang Restaurant.
The food served was a bit slow as the turn up of the hashers was unexpected and dishes ordered were good and value for money too. But Don Cheang’s table as usual ordered the black noodle fried with bitter gourd and finished with garlic and fresh eggs putting on top of the heap. It seems the hare’s food is not enough for this bunch of Chinglish. Talking about eggs, three American guests, if not mistaken, were from the White House Hash House Harriers from Washington DC had the first time tasting our Tiger beer with one fresh egg thrown in by Dave Kamikaze. At least one of them said ‘not bad dude’.
So much for the circle and on this night it was our own member Maureen’s birthday and a small cake with one single candle was lighted for her birthday wishes. Everybody was enjoying the night in the midst of the village and the hare got a T-shirt run for the great effort and I hope future hares can provide even better runs in the years to come. ‘On On On’ was announced at the restaurant. We all left with our tired and injured leg but with high spirit soul and body home. ON ON !!