Merdeka Run
Venue: Ulu Yam (Before Chicken Farm)
Hare: Dhila Fuad
Co-Hares: 1-Malaysia team
Scribe: Juliana
The run was awesome, too many twists and intricacies to describe, followed by a circle that left us all crying tears of laughter.
Went to the restaurant and the festivities were only just beginning.
Charge after charge and we were rollimg on the floor, barely able to contain our bladders.
All I can say is :
Selamat Hari Merdeka.
Over and out.
J.C.
Hare: Juliana Caan
Co-Hares: Peter Caan
Venue: Denkil
Scribe (stand-in): Mother Sheep
I am writing this on behalf of Patsy Yap, delegated her duty to Jimmy, who escaping to the Good ol' USA left it to his personal assistant Emilia to find some other mug. Anyway after a good bit of negotiation it was agreed that Jimmy would pay for all the beer for the same amount of time that it took me complete the run. (keep reading Jimmy to find out how long or short the session will be.)
After a heavy rain storm at lunch time the wife declares that it was not suitable weather for a run so she is not coming. I will not be put off by a rain storm besides the skin is waterproof.
Half past two and it is time to get changed and ready for the hash. Decide to try out the nice line in powder blue running shorts provided by Patsy last week. So empty pockets of current trousers and put on shorts. Pick up keys, wallet etc. to find that these shorts do not have a pocket. Find usual shorts and put on over top so that I can carry my possessions.
Hit the road on the first day of fasting month and proceed using very detailed directions down the E20 which appeared to be a private highway for the hash with no other traffic on it. Very quick to run site and plenty of time to kill. Talked to Mike Clark who complained that he was the only Australian present (more about this later)
JM David called the pack together advised of a long run and short run (triangles for the short run) and warned our guests not to get lost (pity that they had all not turned up by then). So off we set meandering backwards and forwards over the wide expanse of flat open old palm, which quickly resulted in a pack that was probably 400m wide and only 200m deep as the FROPS ran to left then right then left etc. and everybody else kept cutting across. Slowly the pack got spread out and the FROP's got away. Did not manage to get involved in any of the checking as such.
First check was in an open area after a nice detour for the FROPS. I think there was at least one other check before we crossed the road to the HILL (there is really only one hill in this area so it would appear to be a magnet for the hares). At the check near the bottom of the hill I arrived at the front of a small group with the FROPS long gone. We can hear some calling left and up the hill and as we fail to spot the torn paper (it was there) proceeded in the direction of the calling. Up the new terraces and into dense undergrowth where a parang would be nice; break out into the open relief. Wrong, here the grass etc. is chest deep and buried in it is branches and old trees making it very difficult to move anywhere. Eventually get out onto a path where paper is and proceed down paper - wrong way until I meet someone who had come out the check in the correct direction.
Proceeded to climb to top of hill which had very good views in all directions. There had been another check here. Down the slope which was very steep and dangerous. Got hit, luckily on my back and where the camel pack was by a four inch rock dislodged by someone higher up. Eventually got down to the bottom and then more meandering in loops where it was reasonably obvious from the direction of the sun that we were spending nearly as much time going away from home as towards it. Unfortunately at this stage of the run those at the back are too far from the FROPS to see where they are running and able to cut out the loops.
With the time well past the 1 hour mark start to wonder
Is there a short run
Did I miss the short run in my meanderings at the check going up the hill (unlikely looking at the company I am with)
At the 2 hour mark finally hit the railway line and there is a divide in the runs short run goes on one side of the tracks and long on the other side. Note even a novice SCB could have worked out that the quickest way home from here was to follow the railway line. Take the short route and arrive back at about 2 hours 20 minutes.
For the majority of the FROPS on the "long" run they only managed an extra 200m as they missed the additional 2km loop from the railway bridge and just crossed the tracks at the bridge to join the short run for the short distance to Ramli's Beer Wagon.
The circle finally got under way about 7:45 with JM Dave heading the proceeding's and four people still out Emilia, Rita and Robert's UK relatives. Amongst the offences were new shoes, Greg Dall for complining that he was always chasing bitches. Unfortunately Greg had left so we need a look a like, which must therefore be the only Australian at the run - Mike Clark. Later Paul K takes over and uses the theme of Dirty, Thieving, Buggers. The Dirty part involves Paul Martin kicking rocks down at him on the same slope I mentioned earlier, but Paul didn't actually get hit! Anyway Paul has gone so we need the only Australian present Mike Clark. Thieving involves the person stealing his car who according to video evidence shown to Paul who was asked to identify the culprit from the back view was a large, bald, Indian gentleman. This probably excludes Mike Clark but Isaac what were you doing on the night of 15th July at 6:20pm? Cannot remember Bugger but it probably had to do with Fierce Gay Boys.
Announcements included an update by Barry Dall on the tragic accident the previous Saturday after the Cheras celebration run; Bangsar Hash on Tuesday 25thAugust, 6:00pm at Solace, Jalan Kasah, behind Victoria Station in Medan Damansara. Nenasi run on Sunday 30 August, 3:30pm.
It is now 8:15 and we still have 4 people out three of which had not herd the earlier JM briefing. Robert Scourse has now gone back in with torch and hand phone. Luckily he finds them and there is no need to organize a rescue party.
ON ON was at Denkil seafood I did not attend but understand that there were 8 tables and the run was awarded a T shirt.
Next week Merdeka Day run, which should promises to be a good event organized by our Malaysian Members if previous events are anything to go on..
Oh and Jimmy how about drinks, Chilli's Wednesday 15 September 2009, 6 to 8:20pm?
ON ON
Mother Sheep
Venue: Ladang Sungei Gapi
Hare: Patsy Yap
Co-hare: Jimmy
Comic: Mike Rickard / Alyvia Hor
Scribe: Laurence
The traffic on the Rawang bypass was light, the queue-jumping beyond was no worse than usual, there was no police bribe-stop beyond Serendah (just wait for Merdeka and Hari Raya!) and the parking was easy, so a good-sized pack set off into the oil palm on time at 4.30.
So all was right in the world.
Or was it?
My supersticious sweat-glands (which are one seventeenth Chinese) had picked up some bad omens, so I knew we were in for trouble:
(1) It had been a hot, hot, hot day, with the sun beating down relentlessly on poor Malaya, and its sun-burnt inhabitants were wilting like pansies in a sauna.
(2) Mike Moore had come under-dressed, and had borrowed my 'magic socks' (leaving me with only Dutch monstrosities), so I knew I would have little chance of coming home before Peter "The Runner from Down-Un'er" Cann, or even Fierce Gay Boy, recently recovered from his torchlight ankle.
(3) Jimmy "African Mule" (to his friends) / "Dog Shit" (to people who really know him) Leggett was a co-hare.
(4) The feng shui was awful.
After a short jog through the palm, we entered what felt like jungle and found the first check by a hut near a stream. It was, inevitably, a back check, leading back & left into palm and eventually out into a huge recently-cleared area of open earth.
The second check was at the far-left side of this sun-trap, and half the pack was grilling like a shrimp on a Bondi barbie before it was solved - down 5 feet into a narrow ditch, and up 8 feet the other side. I know Patsy's an Iron Woman, but does she think she's training marines now?
There followed a lot more palm - in fact, we didn't see anything other than palm oil for the last 6km of the run! All this monoculture looks the same to me, but I'll try to impose some structure on it:
First we ended up in a steep valley, with a check solved the other side of a muddy stream, or was it? After descending with ropes and parachutes, and leaping across the water, we ended up going left and crossing again to meet the pack almost where we'd been 5 minutes earlier, then continuing along a very open track (in the hot hot sun) on the left side of a small lake.
At this point, the sun got too much for poor Colin H, who imagined that he saw something white on the opposite shore. He decided his gammy leg could swim better than it ran, leapt into the crocodile-infested swamp, swam around for a while chasing his water bottle, and finally reached the opposite side, only to discover that all that glistens is not paper.
I also struggled to catch up with Mike 'unnaturally fast" Moore for about the fourth time - him fresh as a daisy and fit as a fiddle, me staggering like an old man. Definitely those magic socks - I hope they come back - clean would be nice, but preferably not washed above 40 degrees as that can affect the magic, if you believe the label. Drip-dry only, but either way up is fine - magic socks aren't as gravity-sensitive as lucky horse-shoes.
The non-amphibious runners continued along more open trails, through sparse palm that gave less protection than a fish-net umbrella, and I think there must have been another check or two along the way. Wise old hashers were spotted going off in strange directions, and lazy girls were frequently seen coming backwards along the trail, but I am assured that we weren't going round in circles like the vultures hungrily flying above us.
Around this time, young Alister Beck responded to a comment about rhe run by saying "It's like the story about the two cows".
I waited a minute for hm to tell us the aforementioned joke, but there was only silence.
"What story about the two cows?", I asked.
"Sorry, I meant the story about the two bulls., he responded.
Another pregnant pause, another long silence.
I'm still waiting to hear the joke about the two cows, bulls, water buffalo, or whatever they were, so if anyone knows it, please email to onsec@ph3.org
Finally our spirits were raised by the sight of distant storm clouds, and also by the fact that we were nearly home.
Someone spotted the road, and then the hash-mobiles, and the previously lack-lustre front-runners summoned up the energy to run in - straight into Jimmy's open arms, to be handed freebies!
Front-runner was in after about 1 hour 20. People's GPS's argued about the distance, but it was about 9km.
A hare can be forgiven almost any run if she/he hands out a freebie at the end, and a pair of shorts (a nice change from all those t-shirts) certainly mollified most of the pack, so we ended up saying "It was a bit sunny" instead of "Jimmy, you evil bastard!".
Also, Patsy and Jimmy, who had started in the early afternoon, said that the midday sun had almost killed them, so we were lulled into a false sense of forgiveness.
The beer also helped, and just when we were tucking into our first cold ones, the heavens opened, proving my bad omens correct - it looked like being the worst of both worlds, a hot sunny run and a cold rainy mosquito-infested circle!
Luckily the heavens closed again in time for people to shower and attend the circle in the dry.
It was only at the circle, when everyone wearing the free new shorts was called up on a charge, that we discovered the terrible truth - they were powder blue and very snug fitting in the nether regions - suitable only for girls and poofters!
That's fine for the girls and poofters, but what about the other 5 of us?
For me, it was a choice between going to the Frangipani club and letting it all hang out, and quietly putting them in the wife's wardrobe. You'll be pleased to hear that Mrs Renshaw now has a nice new pair of shorts.
I was charged for my irritating complaints about Gary Waring's extra-long Victorian-footballer-style shorts, but I think he only did that to impress his hot new girlfriend. He didn't mention that he'd uncharacteristically been carrying a backpack on the trail, and I stil wonder whether that was because he's a gentleman (carrying water in case his young lady was thirsty) or because he's not (carrying who knows what, for a quick shag in the bushes).
As for the circle, all the way back at the Equatorial restaurant near the N-S highway, I wasn't there, so I don't know what happened, but hopefully someone will update this report later and I can learn if Patsy & Jimmy got what they deserved!
Location: Ulu Renning
Hare: Richard Thompson
Scrfibe: Colin Hercus
It was a strange afternoon, starting with a very slow journey up Jln Ipoh, we eventually got to the Round about near Batu Caves which was totally jammed up. When will the Malaysians ever learn how to use a round about? We decided to skip the roundabout and continue on Jln Ipoh to Rawang, a decision that turned out to be fortunate because just as we neared Serendah we got a frantic call from Nan that the beer truck was broken down in Serendah and could we go and collect the beer. As luck has it a few other hash vehicles soon appeared as quite a few had made the same decision at the roundabout.
As a aresult with traffic and beer we arrived quite late at the run site and only set off at just before 5pm, never to see a check and with no chance of catching the main pack.
So what about the run? It set off to the left along the road and then turned left again into Palm Oil before emerging back to the original road a 100m from where we went in. Judging by the amount of torn paper there may have been two checks in this small area.
The trail then followed the road for quite some distance with one section of torn paper so posisbly another check. It was a bit open and hot for my liking. We then turne dinto the Palm Oil for a short ection with one more check before emerging onto road again where trail split short/long. I took the long as I could see the short was going to be very short as we were almost back to the usual parking spot.
The trail meandered around a bit before we dropped into a creek. Here we had what seemed like 2km of up creek running. Followed by some road, concrete paths, bitumen, a bit of bush and then more road running back to the cars.
On On was at Lucky Light where the Singaporeans treated us to free beer and chewing gum. Thanks Juliana and Eloise.
The run was judged an On Down.
Venue: Kampung Sungai Tekali
Hare: Colin Hercus
Scribe: Keith Burnley
I arrived at the run site in Kg Tekali expecting a flat, fast run suitable to my general style. However, imagine my surprise when I found that all the flat bits were either up or down with the entire pack re-enacting “The Grand Old Duke of York’ but mostly stuck on the “neither up no down” bit. I suppose that this part of the run was fairly flat but the flat bits tended to go up at a rather steep incline. This was followed by single filing with lots of brown and green things sticking out of the ground and absolutely spoiling the view. I was told that they were something called reets, or something like that. If I was in charge, all that lot would go tout de suite. However, I digress. Everyone waited in line politely for their turn to pass over, under or around the obstacles, except for F.L. who used her weight to push past the queue, but she was dealt with later. Eventually, out into the open, down through the rubber and home. The checks seemed to work well, with front runners passing me twice and I could even still hear the horn near the end of the run.
At the run site: Daniel had set out his stall but didn’t sell much, so gave away ham croissants and cheese tarts in honour of Switzerland’s national day. Have you noticed which country does not have a national or independence day and doesn’t need one to bolster its self esteem? Sorry, more digression. Various on downs were given for reasons real, imagined and supernatural ( The Sea Ghost ) and many comparisons and allusions were made to the run, or lack of it, the previous week resulting in numb bum syndrome for that hare before eventually retiring to the Rest. Sungai Tekali.
At the restoran: Food was served good and fast, and eaten just as fast, the usual home brew was distributed to a grateful audience and the sinners were called up. By sheer coincidence, F.L. seems to have a near monopoly on this side of things and got done on 3 or 4 occasions.
The run was, rightly so, judged a T-shirt. Anyone can set a run in a plantation but it takes a lot of effort to find your way through bush country. This thing I know.