Venue: Ladang Bentong (off the Bentong - Fraser's Hill road)
Hare: May Lin 'Featherlite' Piong
Co-Hare: Patrick 'Birthday Boy' Russell
Scribe: Soon Hui
Contrary to the GM’s comment, I’m not asking for a frozen bottom, so here’s my scribe’s report:
The run site was a little further from town than usual, which resulted in a number of hashers (including myself) arriving slightly late. However, the general feeling was that the area was well worth the extra effort of getting there, especially given the absolutely perfect hashing weather.
The run area was largely open palm oil plantation with not many steep hills, little shiggy and no major water hazards, which pleased many hashers following the previous week’s run (wimps!). The checks and an absence of some of the usual front runners (FGB was obviously racing elsewhere) ensured the pack kept fairly close together and that the first runner (a visitor!) was back in about 1 hour 25, surprising the hares who were expecting it to be quicker. They obviously over-estimate our running prowess these days – even Paul “Fucked Knee” Smith managed to keep up.
The circle started in a beautiful Malaysian evening with everyone in good spirits, at least until the co-hare told some of his jokes. These were tolerated as it was his birthday, but he would suffer retribution at the on-on later. Hugh Murray also gave my co-hare from last week a down-down for leaving his chair at the run-site, but at least he did return the chair, although it was noticeably saggier in the middle – obviously Huge had been making use of it.
On-on was at Restoran Yee Fatt (great name!) in Bentong – where we had a good number of tables and good food, with an outstanding wild boar curry. Paul Kirkman celebrated the co-hare’s birthday by giving him some down-downs, including one with some additional protein in egg form, which Patrick chose to drink rather than wear.
The run was awarded a t-shirt and the hare prepared for putting it on by stripping down to a very skimpy bikini, which was greatly appreciated by the gentlemen of the hash, some of whom also removed their own shirts (Messrs Kirkman, Opera & Pangrazio) in appreciation, which almost made the pack bring back the food it had just eaten.
All in all a splendid day was had by everyone.
Venue: Kajang Shooting Club (Lapang Sasar Kelab Menembak Kajang)
Hare: Soon Hui
Co-Hare: Barry Sage
Scribe: Saru
Unclear about the concept, Soon Hooi Lyn made the mistake of relying on Kwailo co-hares to help her set a short run for ladies.
First runner Peter in 1 hour 57 minutes.
The chief co-hare also unclear about the concept added to the run length on the day because he thought it was too short.
First runner on the long run, Gay Boy in 2 hours 20 minutes.
So a good on-down according to the GM. The run was widely enjoyed with terrain overcoming length.
It was good to see so many Plonkers still Corked after their last Sangria barrel was emptied only twelve hours before the run started.
First check was an easy back check, so why were so many hashers checking forward and sideways in all the wrong places?
Second check had short-cutters being assisted up vertical banks to get onto the trail. Technical adviser David Wilson was saying that he had shown the hare two options and didn’t know which option had been taken on the day. Typical consultant doesn’t know anything useful when it matters.
Third check down a very steep and longish slope then left to the check. All those who stayed at the top and did not go down the slope were pleased with the hare’s sense of humour and their own choice, since by contouring round they met the trail eventually.
No more checks spotted, nor for that matter the split between the long and short runs. The signs were variously thought to warn against High Voltage, Lightning, Angry Gods or Co-Hares.
Only five runners completed the long run with the last man in, Paul Kirkman, complaining about non-joining of checks. When did kiasu Gay Boy ever close a check?
After finishing the Plonkers’ leftovers the GM called the circle and called on his appointed Bomohs.
Paul Johnson was up first and he immediately brought up the co-hares who had increased the length of the run on the day. Good charge.
Next was Isaac who it is said is a fresh fish; that is in some doubt, calls of how old are you, how rich are you and how long is it went unanswered. Isaac was however accused of smelling bums so maybe he is still interested.
Next up were the still corked non-runners whose hangovers prevented them from standing, never mind running. Rita and Juliana among others.
Paul Smith a welcome visitor but soon to return from Miri.
Paul Kirkman’s English has lapsed into patois, as he called up four corked ladies from the night before saying, “there is four ladies,”only to be reminded by howls of derision that it should be, “there were four ladies!”.
Paul Smith also informed us that the biggest cache of arms found in Malaya during the communist insurgency was found only 600 yards from the Rifle Range gates where he was talking, pointing to the gates.
Full of useful information as he is, Paul will have more time to research colonial history as he will shortly be between contracts again. Being part of the solution means one is frequently out of work, Paul, there is more money to be made by prolonging the problem.
Venue: Kuang Orang Asli Village
Hare: Saru
Co-Hare: Chickenhead
Scribe: Rob Scourse
Comic: Don Cheang
The Petaling hash as plum metered to new depths. Not that I expected a grate run considering it was a harryate who set it. I mean it’s not as if I’m sexiest or any thing but I don’t know why they bother to let harryates set runs. I mean they never set them anyways. They always get a man two do it. If you’re lucky you might get a hasher like me two set it but in Saru’s case she chose Chickenhead. BIG MISTAKE.
Normally when guys set runs for harryates we experiment a little. If it’s a balls up at least you can disown it. However it gets more tricky when you after set won for your wife or girlfriend. Then you after put in a good effort but not two good showing up your own run. For example when I set last weeks run (by the way it got a T shirt) I just did my wifes run backwords. She just got an on down for it. She does sent understand it yet, but what I’m saying is it’s not easy...but it as two be done.
Chickenhead must have fought...lets experiment with a new run site, but why O why set it in an Orange Asli village. I mean I fought the hash was Eco friendly. Those poor Orang-utans live omega and piece full existences and the last thing they want is a bunch of Mack Sallys hacking threw there back garden. 2nd point is if you choose a new run site at least get the directions rite. I mean most hashers carnt even reed and rite so what chance have they got if the oldometer reedings are rong.
And what abowt the run itself. And what happend to the checks. I never even saw won. If the run directions did dent lose you then CP1 did. Then after CP1 it was a steep run in back two site. Then we were off two the rest her want. This must have been Saru’s bit. She picked a new rest her want called Fa Too Much Tau Foo. It was also Fa Too dam clean. Room her add it that you could even sit down in the toy lets. I mean whats happend two the good old rest her wants with cock croachers running a round and dogs with no air and rashers on there bollocks. And wear was the pork? All they served was veggie tables. I remember in the past no won wood heat veggie tables because of MSG poisoning.
At the On ON that dizzy dip stick Paul Kirkman went on two explain how Saru was doomed from the start.
Firstly Chicken Google Head Gregson was up for nearly limiting the run two two runners.(Saru and himself)
Other culprits brought up for making Saru’s life a bigger nightmare than Chickenhead could ever do were :
Fierce gay boy Clark – a front runner who, even if is arse deep ended on it, could dent join the dots in a kiddies book let a lone checks.
Don Cheang – for spending all his time back at the run site pointing his crutch at harryates instead of picking up the pieces of what remained of the run.
Art Braker Wilson – for picking a men calorie and fizzy calorie un fit hasher as comic.
I ask you what posse bull chance add Saru of salvaging a hash run with idiots like that on the run.
Other no table DD’s were Gail for chuck king in the toe well and heading off back two Oz. She decide dead to kick her rugby hash shoes thin king there’s no place like home only to arrive back two a wopping grate sand storm. It’s very sad two sea Gail and her fong go. Fingers crossed she’ll come back with a new fong soon.
After that we add a sweet rendition of Swing Low Sweet Cherry Rot by the hash brats. Huge Murray recorded it for prosperity and so we can embarrass the little buggers in years two come. Ha Ha Ha!
Saru’s run got a non down. General thin king was it was a bout 7 km two short with free check points, free of which were redundant. It was a sham that Saru did dent get a T shirt. I think she’s got grate tits.
With that I’m going to do a Gail also. I two carnt stand it any longer so I’m pissing off to cattar wear theres even bigger tits and better pork. On On!
Venue: Batang Kali (Ulu Yam) Football Field
Hare: Rob Scourse
Co-Hare: Dave Wilson
Scribe: Dhila Fuad
Still waiting for the scribe report! The ice is being prepared...